Church Hurt Doesn’t Excuse Backsliding

I should begin by expressing my sympathy to victims of genuine church hurt. It’s easy for me to empathize because I, too, have been hurt by “church” people. I’ve seen heroes up close only to find they were much less heroic than expected. I’ve watched in shock as brothers and sisters in the Lord acted more like devilish pawns in a cosmic game of chess. I’ve often felt lonely trying to do the right thing. Doing the right thing commonly goes unappreciated (or at least under-appreciated), and the unfairness of that can produce toxic levels of bitterness. Regardless, not one of the things mentioned above even slightly impacts my relationship with God or my commitment to righteousness. Still, church hurt seems to be the excuse of choice for backsliders, backstabbers, backbiters, and rabid bitterness these days. However, any excuse leading to self-justification rather than godly justification is spiritual suicide.

Any excuse leading to self-justification rather than godly justification is spiritual suicide.

Your Sin Doesn’t Make My Sin Ok

One of the great dangers Christians face is the temptation to justify their bad behavior because of someone else’s sin. Just because they’re drinking poison doesn’t mean you should too. Just because someone else is evil doesn’t excuse your favorite flavor of sin. Whether you’ve been hurt, let down, disappointed, disillusioned, or downright persecuted, your duty to God never changes. Jesus warned us outright persecution and disdain would be something His followers should expect to face (Matthew 5:10-12, Luke 6:22). If Jesus had a Judas, why wouldn’t you? It wasn’t Pilot the pagan who wanted Jesus dead it was the high priest Caiaphas who plotted His crucifixion. Truly, Jesus faced far more hurt from His own people than from the pagan world.

One of the great dangers Christians face is the temptation to justify their bad behavior because of someone else’s sin. Just because they’re drinking poison doesn’t mean you should too.

Just because someone else is evil doesn’t excuse your favorite flavor of sin. Whether you’ve been hurt, let down, disappointed, disillusioned, or downright persecuted, your duty to God never changes.

If Jesus had a Judas, why wouldn’t you? It wasn’t Pilot the pagan who wanted Jesus dead it was the high priest Caiaphas who plotted His crucifixion. Truly, Jesus faced far more hurt from His own people than from the pagan world.

The Reality of Church Hurt

Church hurt is genuine, and it should be prevented whenever possible. But in reality, if you live for God long enough, a wolf in sheep’s clothing is going to take a bite out of you. But I’d rather suffer persecution and be right with God than gain the whole world and lose my soul (Mark 8:36). Honestly, the logic of leaving church altogether because someone hurt me is just plain flawed. Do we quit a great job because of one lousy coworker? Do we abandon our dream home because of one horrible neighbor? Do we stop being Americans because of bad Americans? Do we stop going to our favorite coffee shop because of a rude barista? If we left every place or institution that hurt us at some point, we couldn’t go anywhere – including our homes!

Church hurt is genuine, and it should be prevented whenever possible. But in reality, if you live for God long enough, a wolf in sheep’s clothing is going to take a bite out of you.

If we left every place or institution that hurt us at some point, we couldn’t go anywhere – including our homes!

Excuses, Excuses

If we dig right down to the nitty-gritty, many people use church hurt as an excuse to do what they already wanted to do in their hearts; backslide. Furthermore, much of what some call church hurt is really just an easily offended spirit (Proverbs 19:11, Ecclesiastes 7:21-22, James 1:19, Luke 7:23, 2 Timothy 2:24). Correction is not church hurt. Disagreement is not church hurt. Oversight is not church hurt. Having your talents overlooked is not church hurt. Someone frowning at you is not church hurt. Strong preaching is not church hurt. Snowflake “Christians” are melting and calling the sun evil! Ironically, they usually hurt people while pointing to their hurt as justification for their bad behavior. It’s a smokescreen shielding their own carnality and spiritual immaturity.

Many people use church hurt as an excuse to do what they already wanted to do in their hearts; backslide. Furthermore, much of what some call church hurt is really just an easily offended spirit (Proverbs 19:11).

Correction is not church hurt. Disagreement is not church hurt. Oversight is not church hurt. Having your talents overlooked is not church hurt. Someone frowning at you is not church hurt. Strong preaching is not church hurt.

Snowflake “Christians” are melting and calling the sun evil! Ironically, they usually hurt people while pointing to their hurt as justification for their bad behavior. It’s a smokescreen shielding their own carnality and spiritual immaturity.

Real Relationship is the Key

Again, it grieves me to hear about Christians hurting Christians. We should be known by our love for one another (John 13:35). There’s nothing friendly about friendly fire! And yes, there are legitimate reasons to leave a church. Yes. There are times you have to expose a well-disguised wolf in sheep’s clothing. Sometimes you have to find a safer spiritual environment. But abandoning Truth because of hurt makes absolutely no sense at all. It’s like jumping off a bridge because someone pushed you to the ground or cutting off your foot because someone stepped on your toes. The real problem here is relationship. No. Not relationships between brothers and sisters in the Lord. The problem is a real relationship with God. You see, our relationship with God isn’t predicated on how others behave. I serve the Lord because He is my savior. Whatever others decide to do doesn’t change what Jesus has done for me. God’s Word doesn’t change because someone else failed. Sometimes we serve God with the help of others, and sometimes we serve God despite others. Either way, God is still God, and He is always good.

It grieves me to hear about Christians hurting Christians. We should be known by our love for one another (John 13:35). There’s nothing friendly about friendly fire!

Abandoning Truth because of hurt makes absolutely no sense at all. It’s like jumping off a bridge because someone pushed you to the ground or cutting off your foot because someone stepped on your toes.

Our relationship with God isn’t predicated on how others behave. I serve the Lord because He is my savior. Whatever others decide to do doesn’t change what Jesus has done for me. God’s Word doesn’t change because someone else failed.

Sometimes we serve God with the help of others, and sometimes we serve God despite others. Either way, God is still God, and He is always good.

Stay Near the Cross

The Psalmist spoke to this very issue when he said, “Great peace have those who love thy law; nothing can make them stumble (Psalm 119:165)”. Deeply loving the Lord and His Word will keep you from stumbling, mumbling, and bumbling when people let you down. Church hurt doesn’t excuse backsliding. Jesus didn’t call angels to take him off the cross because He loves us! No matter how difficult to endure, our crosses should never cause us to abandon our Savior who suffered for us.

Deeply loving the Lord and His Word will keep you from stumbling, mumbling, and bumbling when people let you down.

Church hurt doesn’t excuse backsliding. Jesus didn’t call angels to take him off the cross because He loves us! No matter how difficult to endure, our crosses should never cause us to abandon our Savior who suffered for us.

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Should We Still Dress Our Best for Church?

I’m a millennial, and I still think it’s best to wear our best to church. Recently my brother (Jonathan) and his wife (Vera) launched an online tie store called French Thread (shameless plug). Their company is awesome, and it’s a great conversation starter. In particular, the so-called church “dress wars” comes up from time to time. No, I don’t think a suit will save you or jeans will jinx you; I think God’s house deserves our respect. I can hear the groans from latte-sipping, skinny jean, cashmere wearing liberals now… and yes, I know the Church is made up of people, not buildings. In fact, I’ll take you all the way down that road; our bodies are literally temples of the Holy Ghost (1 Corinthians 6:19). Meaning, it matters how we dress, speak, talk, eat, live, and on and on. And not just at church, but every day. Our bodies represent Jesus. His holiness, His majesty, and His royalty dwell within us. I want to represent the Holy Spirit to the best of my ability (whatever that may be).

Having said that, the church house is a building specifically designated and dedicated to worshipping a God that is awesome beyond our wildest imaginations. His presence is everywhere, but a church is dedicated to worship and the Word. When functioning properly, a church is a collection of unified, Spirit-filled, enthusiastic individuals who show up to lift the name of Jesus. They come to learn, grow, praise, and experience the presence of God in a way that only collective worship allows. The singing is sacred, the preaching is powerful, the prayer is purposeful, and the atmosphere is faithful. A gathering of the Church in any place or building on the Lord’s Day (Acts 20:7, 1 Corinthians 16:1-2, Psalms 118:22-26) is a convocation of holy people worshipping a holy God (i.e., a holy convocation). Basically, church is a big deal; God is the biggest deal, and because worship is not a casual thing, we should not dress informally. I dress up for church for the same reasons I dress up for weddings; it’s a sacred time, and I want to honor it.

Church is a big deal; God is the biggest deal, and because worship is not a casual thing, we should not dress informally. I dress up for church for the same reasons I dress up for weddings; it’s a sacred time, and I want to honor it.

Psychologists know that how we dress impacts, our mindset greatly (here, here, here, and here). Schools have found that uniforms foster a focused classroom. Conversely, anything goes dress codes promote lazy, casual, and disrespectful demeanors (here, here). Studies of businesses show that productivity dramatically decreases on casual Fridays (here, here). We all instinctively know this to be true deep down. There’s a reason we buy special clothes for vacation; certain types of clothing make us feel more relaxed (you can always spot a tourist). It’s not a coincidence that people dress a certain way to go clubbing or hit the bars, they have a certain goal and a certain mindset, and they dress accordingly. There’s a reason politicians, lawyers, business professionals, newsmen, doctors, pilots, military personnel, pastors (at least historically), and even late-night comedians mostly wear dress clothes while representing their endeavors. They are showing respect for their profession, themselves, and others. They exude confidence, competence, focus, command, and elicit trust.

I know there’s a certain charm to feeling the liberty to wear jeans and T-shirts to church (or whatever). It’s easy, casual, convenient, and relaxing. And therein lies the problem; the church is not designed to be easy, casual, convenient, or relaxing. Yikes! I know how politically incorrect that statement sounds, but it’s true.

I know there’s a certain charm to feeling the liberty to wear jeans and T-shirts to church (or whatever). It’s easy, casual, convenient, and relaxing. And therein lies the problem; the church is not designed to be easy, casual, convenient, or relaxing.

Church is meant to be exciting, exhilarating, exalting, and life-changing. If you think that sounds sillier than passing up a Krispy Kreme when the “hot” sign is on, it’s because you haven’t experienced the moving of the Spirit tangibly (at least not recently). Like it or not, preaching is not inherently designed by God to only be positive and encouraging K-Love radio; sometimes it’s for correction, conviction, instruction, and rebuke (1 Timothy 5:20, 2 Timothy 4:2, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Luke 17:3-4, Mark 16:14). I don’t want my pastor looking like he’s about to go camping for the same reasons I don’t want my lawyer looking like he’s about to play video games in his Mom’s basement; it reeks of immaturity, incompetence, indifference, and frivolity. None of those images inspire confidence, gravitas, or respect. Furthermore, church is a sacred time where we come into direct contact with Divine anointing, revelation, illumination, salvation, sanctification, and the list could go on for miles. Bottom line, it’s not casual.

I don’t want my pastor looking like he’s about to go camping for the same reasons I don’t want my lawyer looking like he’s about to play video games in his Mom’s basement; it reeks of immaturity, incompetence, indifference, and frivolity.

Let me address objections that I often hear from the promoters of super casual church attire. It usually goes something like this “Isn’t it a waste of money to buy dress clothes?” It’s normally followed up with, “Couldn’t that money be better spent another way?” Typically, a caustic accusation of vanity is leveled as well. First, those statements are eerily like the arguments that Judas employed against Mary for breaking her alabaster box over the feet of Jesus (John 12:3-8). An argument that Jesus promptly rejected (I wouldn’t call Judas a great role model). Second, dressing in a respectful, dignified way doesn’t necessarily have to be expensive. Third, I recently performed a wedding alongside a pastor who was adamantly against wearing a suit and tie to church. Ironically, he spent a lot of time bragging about his $300 name brand jeans and his $400 distressed leather boots. I don’t necessarily care what he paid for what, but obviously, hip “casual” clothes can be just as expensive and vain as a suit and tie.

If you walk away from this article, assuming I think a tie has some salvific value, you’d be dead wrong. Neither do I expect guests to change their wardrobe before they walk through the doors of the church house! Also, I fully acknowledge that if people aren’t careful, “dressing up” can devolve into vanity and showiness! However, I think that as we mature spiritually, our level of reverence towards the things of God should grow exponentially (1 Timothy 3:14-15, 1 Peter 2:5). As that happens, we should begin to dress reverently for church (Hebrews 12:28).

I think that as we mature spiritually, our level of reverence towards the things of God should grow exponentially. As that happens, we should begin to dress reverently for church.

This excerpt from an article by CNN writer John Blake offers a further perspective:

The reasons why people stopped dressing up could fill a book. Yet Fulwiler offers one explanation that’s seldom mentioned – lack of gratitude.

Fulwiler’s revelation came one day as she watched scruffily dressed people board a plane. She flashed back to a black-and-white photo she had seen of her grandparents boarding a plane in the 1940s. Most of the passengers were dressed in suits and ties and dresses because air travel was such a privilege at the time.

“We dress up for what we’re grateful for,” she says. “We’re such a wealthy, spoiled culture that we feel like we have a right to fly on airplanes,” says Fulwiler, author of “Something Other than God,” which details her journey from atheism to Christianity.

Church is like air travel now – it’s no longer a big deal because people have lost their sense of awe before God, Fulwiler says.

Yet some of these same people who say it doesn’t matter how you dress for church would change their tune if they were invited to another event, Fulwiler says.

“If you had the opportunity to meet the Queen of England, you wouldn’t show up in at Windsor Castle wearing jeans and a T-shirt,” she says.

Shouldn’t people have that same reverential attitude when they show up at church to meet God, some ask? After all, doesn’t your dress reveal the importance you attach to an occasion?”

The real underlying question here is, “should you choose to approach church casually or reverently”? Before you decide, ask yourself if it would be disrespectful to show up to a wedding in flip-flops and a T-shirt? Take that thought a little further; if you were the bride, how would you dress? Certainly, as the bride of Christ, we should be reverent in our dress code as we gather to worship our Groom. Saints of old viewed it symbolically as a foretaste of the Great Marriage Supper of the Lamb (Revelations 19:6-9). Dressing “up” was a symbol of their profound respect for the things of God. I think they were right.

Saints of old viewed it symbolically as a foretaste of the Great Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Dressing “up” was a symbol of their profound respect for the things of God. I think they were right.

9 Signs That You Might Be Weary In Well Doing

Last week, I promised to follow up on the post entitled 7 Things That Make Us Weary In Well Doing, and I’m making good on that promise today. Sometimes we are spiritually worn down, and we don’t even recognize there is a problem until it has spiraled out of control. The following is a series of warning signs that should make our internal alarms start beeping when detected.

1. Lack of Prayer

I could quote tons of Scripture about the importance of prayer, but in the end, prayer is about having a relationship with God. If you are failing to communicate regularly with the Lord, your relationship is not healthy. We instinctively understand this principle in our relationships with other humans, but we often fail to understand it in relationship to God.

2. Half-Hearted Praise

When Mary performed that beautiful act of worship by anointing Jesus’ feet with expensive oil, Judas expressed displeasure at her extravagance (John 12:3-6). Now that we have the advantage of hindsight, we can see that Judas was exhibiting a warning sign of weariness in well-doing. When we begin withholding praise and feel critical of another’s praise, we should quickly make some spiritual corrections.

3. Habitually Missing Church

I should clarify that we all miss services from time to time for legitimate reasons. However, I am referring to those seasons of missing for no good reason. We all know the Scripture (Hebrews 10:25) that commands us to stay faithful in our church attendance, and yet the assembling together of the saints is far more than a stuffy commandment; it is for our edification. Our carnal nature tends to pull away from the very thing that we need the most when we are weary in well-doing. Keep a sharp eye out for this vital warning sign.

4. Murmuring & Complaining

Whenever the Hebrews were about to do something really horrific that stirred God’s wrath, it was always preceded by murmuring (Exodus 16:8; Numbers 14:27; Numbers 17:5). We all become frustrated and need to vent once in a while, but if it becomes the norm, you have a severe spiritual condition that needs immediate attention.

5. Spiked Levels of Temptation & Intensified Longings For Worldliness 

When Lot made that fateful decision to lead his family towards and eventually into Sodom, it began because of God’s blessings (Genesis 13:6-12); the trend towards Sodom began during the good times. We must frequently check our direction and our desires. Sometimes we need to desperately pray as the Psalmist did, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me (Psalm 51:10).”

6. Quick to Anger, Quick to Offense & Quick to Speak 

On at least five separate occasions, Scripture describes God as being slow to anger (Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 103:8; Psalm 145:8; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2). When we display the opposite characteristics of God, we should always take a spiritual inventory.

7. Unwillingness to Participate In the Kingdom of God  

1 Peter 4:10-11 clarifies that every Christian has a calling to be involved in the Kingdom of God according to their specific gifts. Refusal to participate or stay involved is usually indicative of a deeper problem.

8. Bitterness 

The apostle Paul acknowledged the defiling power of bitterness in Hebrews 12:15. The subject of bitterness alone could fill volumes and volumes but know that it is one of the most dangerous warning signs. Bitterness starts small and quickly grows into an unavoidable problem if left uncontrolled. It is possible to be right the wrong way, and one of the most common ways to be right the wrong way is to be correct and bitter at the same time.

9. Rebellion

Rebellion against God or God-given authority is never ok, and it never ends well; if you remain unconvinced, just consider King Saul, Lucifer, or Judas.