Category: Parenting

Relationslips (Part 2) with Taylor French – Article + Podcast

Ryan A. French3 Comments

My wife, Taylor, is the most intelligent and intuitive person I’ve ever known. She can read people almost effortlessly without them realizing she’s doing it. Residing deep inside her is a wellspring of observational ability that enables her to know a person’s soul instinctively. More importantly, she fights for good relationships with the tenacity of a soldier. She’s like a relationship ninja. It’s pretty cool. I honestly envy those qualities. And while I do most of the talking in public formats, she is the better communicator in our relationship. We learn from each other, but I think I have more to learn than her. I’ve certainly gleaned new insights talking through this series with her for the last several weeks. And I’m incredibly grateful we’re on life’s journey together.

Get Caught Up

If you’re just now joining the conversation, you can listen to Part 1 of our Relationslips podcast here. If you scroll down, you’ll see a link you can’t miss for Part 2 of this series. Also, here’s a link to the first blog entry in this series. It’s worth looking at that article and reviewing the list of book recommendations. We’ve enjoyed responding to your questions and comments. Feel free to send more our way, and we will respond sometime soon.

 

Passive Aggressors & Energetic Attackers

One common source of relationship friction that causes “slips” is the ongoing war between passive aggressors and energetic attackers. And, of course, Taylor and I are opposites in this area. My natural, carnal, fallen, faulty response to frustrations, anger, feelings of offense, and disappointment is passive aggression. Allow me to define passive-aggressive behavior for those who might be uncertain. Indirect expressions of hostility, including negative attitudes, characterize it. Here are some specific passive-aggressive behaviors I’ve unfortunately struggled to overcome: 1) Resentment and unspoken opposition to demands from others. 2) Procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others’ requests. 3) Cynical, sullen, or quiet hostility to others near me. 4) Masking my frustrations in complaints, sarcasm, humor, or hints and doing just about anything to avoid confrontation, argument, or outright hostility.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are people I’ve dubbed energetic attackers. Taylor falls into this category. So rather than running away from confrontation, she runs towards it. Sometimes she enjoys confrontation (although not always), but regardless, she isn’t afraid of it. She approaches relationship problems aggressively. She likes all the feelings out in the open. She likes to have all the cards on the table and all the soldiers on the battlefield. And although she never intends to attack people, she wants to attack the problem, which does cause some personalities to feel attacked at that moment. While passive-aggressive personalities can arguably be too patient, energetic attackers have little patience. They’re quick to speak their mind and openly push back when frustrated.

It’s easy to see how these drastically different personalities can “trip” each other up. But, as unlikely as it seems, passive aggressors and energetic attackers have traits that can bring balance. For example, Taylor has helped me recognize the value of confronting things in a timely fashion, and I’ve helped her learn the importance of finding the right time for confrontation. Timing is everything when it comes to healthy confrontations in all of our relationships. I naturally lean too passive, and she leans too aggressive. This personality dynamic creates tension in countless families, workplaces, churches, friendships, schools, and leadership teams.

Timing is everything when it comes to healthy confrontations in all of our relationships.

Finding Balance & Seeking Reconciliation (Relationslip Tip #4)

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:21-24, NIV).

The Bible isn’t silent on this issue. Jesus speaks directly to it during the famed sermon on the mount. He began by mentioning an injustice everyone can agree is terribly wrong, murder. Then He swiveled to the topic of anger without even saying whether or not it was justified. Ultimately, Jesus adroitly led the audience to consider how offenses destroy relationships.

Interestingly, when Jesus gave the protocol for dealing with anger, bitterness, insults, and general relational frustrations, He purposefully left a detail out that most of us would want to know. He never mentioned whether He was talking to the offended or the offender. Look at Matthew 5:23 again, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother has something against you.” If I had been in the crowd, my hand would have shot up so I could ask Jesus, “Wait, does this apply if they have something against me because I did something wrong or because they did something wrong to me?” But Jesus didn’t bother to clarify because it didn’t matter. His instructions in the next verse apply regardless of whether I did wrong, they did wrong, or we both did wrong. Any way you slice it, what Jesus said next applies.

I’m taking a tiny bit of liberty with the text and putting it in today’s context. So, you’re at the altar in church when you remember that (for whatever reason) there’s some bad blood between you and so and so. Instead of pretending everything’s fine, or putting it off another second, find that person while your mind is focused on the Lord and make things right as best you can. You might think, but I’m doing something spiritual right now. I can deal with that later. Not so. Jesus told us that our highest priority should be seeking reconciliation if an offense is “slipping” up a relationship. When we go to that person, our main goal is to mend “whatever” it is that caused the rift.

Jesus told us that our highest priority should be seeking reconciliation if an offense is “slipping” up a relationship. When we go to that person, our main goal is to mend “whatever” it is that caused the rift.

Practical Advice Regarding Reconciliation

You might be a passive aggressor, an energetic attacker, or anything in between. Regardless, seeking reconciliation prioritizes people above being right, winning, getting everything you want, or having the final say. A reconciliatory attitude is stripped of pride, arrogance, and selfishness. If peace is possible, reconciliation achieves it. I’ve found that most people welcome reconciliation once they realize how much I value my relationship with them.

Seeking reconciliation prioritizes people above being right, winning, getting everything you want, or having the final say. A reconciliatory attitude is stripped of pride, arrogance, and selfishness.

With that said, here’s some practical advice for leaving your gift on the altar and having the hard reconciliation talk: 1) Calm down before going to that person. This can be especially hard for energetic attackers, but waiting until your emotions are under control is essential. 2) Think the problem through from your side and try your best to see their point of view too. You don’t have to agree with their views, but just putting yourself in their shoes for a little bit can change your perspective. 3) Pray about the situation. Pray for that person, and specifically ask God to help restore that relationship. Seek the Lord for wisdom, self-control, and guidance. 4) Plan a conversation that will bring about peace. A soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1), so prepare your mind to speak with a tone that promotes healing, not anger.

Literalators & Exaggerators

I’m a big-picture guy. Taylor is a detail detective. I’ve learned that when Taylor asks about my day, she doesn’t want an overview; she wants every microscopic detail. I like to ballpark times and numbers. Taylor wants to know the exact milliseconds, pennies, and nanograms. Because I’m a big-picture, ballpark guy, I also tend to exaggerate. Typically, because I genuinely don’t remember the specifics. This can be problematic because if she’s taking everything literally and I’m ballparking, it creates disillusionment and miscommunications.

My father is also an exaggerator, and my mother is a literalator. Dad might say something happened recently that happened a decade ago. He isn’t trying to be dishonest or misleading. He just isn’t super focused on the time aspect of the story. It seems irrelevant to him. My mother can turn a three-minute story into a three-hour treatise on her trip to the grocery store because she feels the need to share every detail, precisely how it happened in real-time. So, you can imagine how literalators and exaggerators might have to work through communication issues and learn to meet in the middle.

Instructing Your Mouth (Relationslip Tip #5)

The heart of the wise instructeth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips (Proverbs 16:23, ASV).

People with wisdom in their hearts teach their mouths what to say, when, and to whom. I don’t enjoy giving specifics, and I wouldn’t say I like being given too many details. But I love my wife; she likes particulars, so I let wisdom instruct my mouth. She knows I don’t always want to hear the extended version of a story, so she allows wisdom to instruct her mouth. This is called relationship maturity. It’s learning how to communicate with others in a way that is meaningful to them. So, when literalators and exaggerators are together, they have to make concessions for each other in their communications.

Learn how to communicate with others in a way that is meaningful to them.

The Constant Thread

A constant thread of truth runs through these relationslip tips: Intentionality. Good relationships take time, energy, effort, care, selflessness, and intentionality. Great marriages don’t happen by accident. Lifetimes of friendship don’t just happen. Tremendous parents don’t just stumble on it. Happy workplaces don’t magically appear from nothing. Church unity doesn’t fall from Heaven on a few super-blessed congregations. No. Every meaningful relationship is fraught with protentional slipping hazards that must be carefully navigated. It can be exhausting; sometimes, we feel like giving up on certain people. But the benefits far outweigh the burdens.

Good relationships take time, energy, effort, care, selflessness, and intentionality.

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  1. Relationslips (Part 1) with Taylor French – Article + Podcast
  2. Buried Alive (The Gospel According to the Bible) – Article + Podcast
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Why I’m Against Halloween (It’s Not What You Think)

Ryan A. French

Noteworthy, Episode 47

My brother Nathan has outlined terrific historical reasons Christians should avoid Halloween on his Noteworthy podcast (episode 47). Everything he points out is relevant, valid, and (I can’t resist) noteworthy. I recommend you listen because it’s a great discussion. But honestly, I’ve never needed historical context to dislike Halloween celebrations. My main reason for abstaining from Halloween festivities is different from the average objection others give. My concerns stem from a unique perspective after observing many enthusiastic Halloween celebrators over the years.

Typical Christian Objections to Halloween

Many Christian concerns about Halloween have focused on how people unwittingly participate in satanic rituals. Or they rightly sight the cultural elevation of demonically grotesque images. Indeed, Christians have no business glorifying demons, Satan, torture, death, or gore. And Christians have accurately deemed the spirit of fear and the proliferation of horror as contrary to biblical values. It’s also true that Halloween is historically connected to some pretty dark things. Past fears of razor-blade-infested candy and real witches waltzing about in the dark make many people suspicious of yearly Halloween celebrations.

Halloween Goes Mainstream

When I was young, it was pretty commonplace for creepy teens to use Halloween as an excuse to do crazy things. There were lots of weird séances and Dungeons & Dragons loons playing with stuff they didn’t understand. There was a real emphasis on actually scaring people. I know some of that still happens on a small scale. But Halloween has gone more and more mainstream in modern culture. These days everything about Halloween is packaged as cute and family-friendly. The scares aren’t scary, and the demonic isn’t fearsome to the average consumer. The devil is portrayed with benign little horn hats and non-threatening little red-tailed costumes. Parents have no problem dressing their kids as little demons because they don’t actually believe in demons. It’s all make-believe, after all.

Parents have no problem dressing their kids as little demons because they don’t actually believe in demons.

Why I’m Against Halloween

Halloween went from being an overtly anti-Christian holiday to an unbelief-in-the-supernatural holiday. The satanic went underground, and naturalism is the name of the game now. I stand firmly against Halloween because it helps desensitize children to the realities of Satan, demons, evil, and Hell. Generations of kids and now parents are comfortable with innocuous fake versions of real and very evil things. Demonically supernatural things have been reduced to mere fantasy on the same level as fairy dust and singing chipmunks, which leaves our culture in a numbed stupor, and completely unable to discern the realities of spiritual warfare. This mass naturalism plays nicely into genuine satanic strategies to keep people focused on the temporal while ignoring and disbelieving in the eternal.

Halloween went from being an overtly anti-Christian holiday to an unbelief-in-the-supernatural holiday. The satanic went underground, and naturalism is the name of the game now.

Demonically supernatural things have been reduced to mere fantasy on the same level as fairy dust and singing chipmunks, which leaves our culture in a numbed stupor, and completely unable to discern the realities of spiritual warfare.

The Demonic is Real

A few years ago, I heard a mother reassure her little costumed daughter not to be afraid of the boy wearing a demon outfit because demons aren’t real. The little girl seemed skeptical, but a few more years of reassurance from her parents likely resulted in a teenager with no respect for spiritual concepts. It would be better to fear Satan than not believe in him at all. But I have encountered demons, demons in disguise, and demon-possessed people. I’ve seen vile manifestations of genuine evil firsthand. It’s not cute or cuddly. It’s wicked, despicable, dark, twisted, deceitful, and legitimately terrifying. If you’ve ever seen a person immediately after multiple demons left their body, you know just how grateful they are to be alive. You’ve seen the terror they lived with and the perverse distorted things they did while under the control of malevolent beings. And you know how nasty the demons were while being commanded to come out of that person.

It would be better to fear Satan than not believe in him at all.

Only Support the Good

I believe demonic encounters are less noticeable by hellish design. Demons are still working, but their work is subtle and nuanced. Where they once manipulated people with fear, they now influence people with unbelief. Christians should have the wisdom to stay away from this con game. Instead, we should affirm the supernatural, both good and evil. We should only represent and support things that are good and beautiful in God’s sight. Let’s keep reminding everyone who will listen to us that God is real, and Satan is real too. There is a profoundly sinister evil lurking beneath the façade of a blissfully ignorant (or perhaps, willfully ignorant) naturalistic society. I, for one, can’t play the game of pretend others seems to enjoy during the Halloween season. I hope you feel the same.

Christians should affirm the supernatural, both good and evil. We should only represent and support things that are good and beautiful in God’s sight.

I believe demonic encounters are less noticeable by hellish design. Demons are still working, but their work is subtle and nuanced. Where they once manipulated people with fear, they now influence people with unbelief.

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If We Want Our Kids To Stay In Church (Here’s Five Things We Need to Talk to Them About) – Article + Podcast

Ryan A. French8 Comments

Below is a list of five key subjects that the Church (and parents) must address forcefully and often if we want our kids to stay in church. Four of the five areas are subjects that the Church has largely remained silent on in the last several decades. It’s time to face the ugly reality that the Churches retention rate of young adults is rapidly dwindling. The stories of tragedy are countless and remarkably similar. The scenario usually goes something like this; Jamie graduates from high school where humanism, atheism, secularism, and every other “ism” you can imagine has been crammed into her head for the last decade or more.  But until recently, Jamie always went home to a mom and dad who worked hard to combat the onslaught of worldly concepts and temptations infiltrating her mind.  But when Jamie goes to college, she faces the same battles that she fought in high school, only now they are even more intensified.

It’s time to face the ugly reality that the Churches retention rate of young adults is rapidly dwindling. The stories of tragedy are countless and remarkably similar.

One key element changes to Jamie’s disadvantage; she no longer goes home to the stability of her parents. Jamie has more freedom, independence, responsibility, pressure, more temptations, more opportunity for failure, and less support. Sadly, the Jamies in our churches are often not equipped to withstand the philosophical, moral, spiritual, and psychological battles that blindside them fresh out of high school.  Somehow, somewhere before Jamie reaches these critical years, she must develop her own intimate, personal relationship with God if she is going to withstand the cultural onslaught that young adulthood brings.

The kids in our churches are often not equipped to withstand the philosophical, moral, spiritual, and psychological battles that blindside them fresh out of high school. 

So what is the Churches role in all of this? I believe it is significant. In fact, it is paramount. Outside of parents, nothing can impact and shape students’ hearts like the properly functioning body of Christ. It is vitally important that the Church (especially the leadership) is aware and concerned about their young adults’ challenges. I recently heard a pastor say that every father is called to be a youth pastor. I didn’t hear nearly as many “amens” as he deserved for that statement. So often, parents place all the heavy lifting on their church to teach their children about the things of God. But that’s a reversal of what God originally intended. Parents train up children, and the Church comes alongside parents in that responsibility.

Often, parents place the heavy lifting on their church to teach their children about the things of God. But that’s a reversal of what God intended. Parents train up children, the Church comes alongside parents in that responsibility.

Backsliding is never instantaneous but rather a slow, hard, often silent development. It is an internal process that usually doesn’t manifest itself outwardly until it has almost completely germinated. That’s why Scripture admonishes us to “Train up a child in the way that he should go… (Proverbs 22:6).” Nothing can replace the shaping done during an individual’s formative years (arguably adolescence and young teens).  When Jamie goes to college, she will subconsciously draw from behaviors and patterns learned long ago. Therefore, for the Church to retain its young adults, it must maintain thriving child, adolescent, and pre-teen ministries. Parents, please take advantage of formative years and equip them for a lifetime of success. Spiritual development is a lifelong process that best begins at the youngest age possible.

Backsliding is never instantaneous but rather a slow, hard, often silent development. It is an internal process that usually doesn’t manifest itself outwardly until it has almost completely germinated.

For the Church to retain its young adults, it must maintain thriving child, adolescent, and pre-teen ministries.

Parents, please take advantage of formative years and equip them for a lifetime of success. Spiritual development is a lifelong process that best begins at the youngest age possible.

I’m writing this with a sense of urgency, heaviness, and humility. As the father of a teenage girl and a pre-teen boy, I know the magnitude of our job. I know how magnetic the culture can be for our kids. I know how oppressive peer pressure can be for our daughters. I know how exhausting it can be to truly train kids in the Word. It’s not a thirty-minute sermon or an hour-long Bible study with a friend; it’s a twenty-four-hour-a-day teaching lifestyle. It’s answering hard questions at midnight when we just want to sleep. It’s stopping when we’re in a hurry to take advantage of a teachable moment. It’s intentionally opening our Bibles and creating time for devotion. It’s uncomfortable conversations that we just want to avoid. It’s saying no when it would be easier to say yes, and it’s saying yes when it would be easier to say no. It’s repeating ourselves over and over again. It’s explaining something one more time for the millionth time. So, here are five things we must be talking about regularly if we want our kids to stay in church.

I know how magnetic the culture can be for our kids. I know how oppressive peer pressure can be for our daughters. I know how exhausting it can be to train kids in the Word. It’s not a thirty-minute sermon; it’s a 24 hour a day teaching lifestyle.

  1. Science and the theory of evolution in particular. We should not be anti-science, however, we should be anti-scientific theories that have an anti-God agenda.
  2. Morality, God’s plan for human sexuality, and the family. Hollywood, public schools, the internet, peers, and every other facet of culture talks about these issues night and day.  If the Church is going to remain relevant it cannot stay silent or fearful of these subjects.
  3. The Bible and why it can be trusted as the literal Word of God. It’s no secret that the Bible has been under attack in one way or another since its inception.  They may not be burning Bible’s in the streets but liberal academia has been doing their best to undermine it for centuries.  They don’t care if you read it as long as you don’t trust it for absolutes.
  4. Popular culture, holiness, and what it means to live righteously. Of course, just because something is popular doesn’t make it evil. However, just because it’s popular doesn’t make it acceptable either.  The Church must stand on the front lines of the culture wars and promote godliness in a clear, loving, well thought out way.
  5. Relationship with Jesus. None of the above will matter without a close, experiential, relationship with Jesus. Relationship will sustain a heart even when storms rage all around.

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4 Problems Preacher’s Kids Face (Article + Podcast)

Ryan A. French6 Comments

If you’re a preacher, a preacher’s kid, or someone who loves the ministry and wants to be sensitive to their needs, this article is for you.

Today is my son’s seventh birthday, and he loves the Lord and legos very much. I think his love hierarchy is Jesus, his sister, and his legos. I trail those things by a small but pronounced margin. On a sappy parental note, I love his toothy grin, his high-pitched (and very frequent) laughter, his sensitive heart, and his never-ending questions that leave me scratching my gradually balding head.

My son has the distinction of being a second-generation preacher’s kid and a fifth-generation Apostolic Pentecostal. So he’s got a pretty stalwart legacy of faith behind his little lego littered life. Of course, he’s too young to feel the pressures of being a PK, but with every passing birthday, I know he’s getting a little closer to feeling that burden.

My nine-year-old daughter is just starting to show the telltale signs of PK pressure. I recognized them quickly because I faced them myself. Sometimes they’re subtle, and sometimes they’re manifested dramatically. Even before having kids of my own, I’ve had a heart for PKs. I’ve been privileged to speak at several PK seminars over the years, and listening to their stories takes me right back to my childhood faster than Odyssey’s Imagination Station (if you don’t know what that means, do yourself a favor and look it up).

I would never minimize the challenges that every child faces. Indeed, these are challenging times for children in general. However, it’s also true that being born into a preacher’s home is a tremendous privilege with certain built-in advantages. Some unique difficulties and problems are specific to PKs. In the hopes of helping, or at the very least drawing some awareness to the issues, I am listing a few common PK problems below.

1. Extreme Feelings of Loneliness & Isolation

Because few peers can relate to the ministry lifestyle’s unique challenges, PKs often feel lonely and isolated. They suffer in silence and deal with a lot of unresolved emotional tension. They usually feel ashamed to voice these feelings to their parents because they genuinely don’t want to hurt them or sound harsh towards the things of God; they cherish so deeply.

PK’s often feel lonely and isolated. They suffer in silence and deal with a lot of unresolved emotional tension. They usually feel ashamed to voice these feelings to their parents because they genuinely don’t want to hurt them…

2. Bitterness Towards Saints

PK’s parents are incredibly busy. Ministry isn’t something you can turn off or punch a time clock and be done for the day. Saints often don’t realize that the ten minutes you just spent on the phone with them is only one of a series of hundreds of ten-minute phone calls that interrupted yet another family moment. Not to mention all the mandatory church events, bi-vocational ministry homes, impromptu counseling sessions, and mountains of prayerful study time that sequesters preachers away from their families. Meetings, administrative work, conferences, ministry-related travel, the business of life, in general, keep pastors and their families overwhelmingly busy, too, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Also, pastor’s wives are unpaid workers with heavy loads of responsibility. They labor alongside their husbands, and although they are technically not on staff, they shoulder an immense amount of time-consuming work. All of this can leave a PK feeling like everyone else is more important than them. Every need is more urgent than their need. Every crisis trumps their crisis. So, they retreat and grow bitter (or jealous) towards the people (or the church in general) who regularly pull mommy and daddy away. If left unresolved, those feelings can morph into bitterness towards mom and dad.

It’s not uncommon for kids to feel a level of bitterness towards their parent’s job responsibilities because it keeps them busy and away from home, but when children start feeling that way about the place they are supposed to go for spiritual nourishment, real dangers are lurking.

Pastor’s wives are unpaid workers, and although they are technically not on staff, they shoulder an immense amount of time-consuming work. All of this can leave a PK feeling like everyone else is more important than them.

3. They See the Ugly Underbelly

No matter how much their parents try to shield PKs from the worst aspects of a church, it is impossible to keep it all neatly hidden in a drawer. As a result, PKs see their parents attacked by saints and sinners alike. They see their parents disrespected by people they thought were respectable, and they have a front-row seat to the tragic showing of every backslider’s decline. Sadly, disgruntled saints will sometimes try to use a PK to get at their parents or cause a church rift. This is disgusting at best, but not unusual.

PKs, see their parents at their highest highs and their lowest lows. They see Elijah calling fire from heaven, and they see him running from Jezebel too. These are challenging scenarios for a child to process and still love their church family as they should. Others may only see the public displays of respect for ministry, but PK’s see the ugly moments when the masks come off.

PK’s see their parents attacked by saints and sinners alike. They see their parents disrespected by people they thought were respectable, and they have a front-row seat to the tragic showing of every backslider’s decline.

PK’s see their parents at their highest high’s and their lowest low’s. They see Elijah calling fire from heaven, and they see him running from Jezebel too.

4. Unrealistic Expectations

PKs, live under a different set of expectations than most kids. And it can go from one extreme to the other. On the one hand, many people stereotype PKs as being trouble makers, spoiled rotten, or bratty. On the other hand, many people expect PKs to bypass their childhood entirely and act like miniature, perfectly mannered adults. PKs live in a glasshouse where their every move is under the watching eye of curious people. Everything they and their parents do is highly visible and scrutinized. The feeling of always being under a microscope can devolve into spiritual and emotional suffocation.

Some PKs live under the overwhelming pressure to grow up and be in the ministry just like their parents. I’ll never forget, I was all of eleven years old when someone very seriously asked if I knew Greek and Hebrew like my father. To complicate things even further, if PKs feel called to the ministry, they face the all-too-familiar critical eye of a watching crowd. Will they be more anointed than their parents or less anointed than their parents? Will they be as talented as their parents or less capable than their parents? Some PKs balk at the emotional reality that some shoes just seem too big to fill.

PK’s live in a glasshouse. Everything they and their parents do is highly visible and scrutinized. The feeling of always being under a microscope can devolve into spiritual and emotional suffocation.

Preacher’s Kids Are People Too

Bottom line, kids are kids. Preacher’s kids must learn, grow, laugh, cry, win, lose, fall, and get up just like every other kid. They have strengths and weaknesses. They have unique talents and special abilities distinct to them and them alone. Some are called to pastoral ministry, while others are not. They are not puppets to be used in an irreverent game of tug-of-war. They have peculiar challenges and unique advantages at the same time. Saints who love the ministry will love PKs with grace, sensitivity, and understanding. And yes, your pastor and his wife will appreciate it more than words can express.

Preacher’s kids must learn, grow, laugh, cry, win, lose, fall, and get up just like every other kid. They have strengths and weaknesses. They have unique talents and special abilities distinct to them and them alone.

Saints who love the ministry will love PK’s with grace, sensitivity, and understanding. And yes, your pastor and his wife will appreciate it more than words can express.

Final Note: For those that might be wondering, as far as I can tell, no one in my church has ever been anything but sweet to my children. I truly appreciate the kindness and consideration that Apostolic Tabernacle shows my children on a regular basis.

AV Podcast with Talmadge

I had so much fun creating this episode with my son, Talmadge. We had so many cool bonding moments and laugh-at-ourselves moments putting this together. We hope it blesses you and your family and that you enjoy listening to it. If you do, please leave us a like and a review on iTunes and your socials. Oh, and for those of you who prefer to read, I’ve added a transcript of Talmadge’s opening remarks. He very earnestly and thoughtfully laid out his top three PK problems. Or, at least, the ones he’s willing to share publically right now. Thanks and God bless.

Ep. 26 | Talmadge’s Cold Open: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Talmadge:
I’m the son of your host, Ryan French, and my name is Talmage, and this is Apostolic Voice, the podcast. Today, my dad is going to talk about four problems preachers’ kids face. This topic is something I can relate to as a preacher’s kid. And we know it’s a subject lots of people are interested in because, for the last four years, the blog article called 4 Problems Preacher’s Kids Face at http://www.ryanafrench.com has trended in the top 10 and has been downloaded over ten thousand times. I wanted to add what I faced as a preacher’s kid, and maybe this will help others. Number one, we often feel the embarrassment in the pressure to speak with people all the time. Number two, feeling self-conscious about our appearance and voice because we are in the spotlight more than other kids. Number three, sometimes preacher’s kids feel inadequate and unimportant compared to their preacher father. I reminded dad that PKs are all unique people with their own set of needs, and they need to be recognized for who they are as a person. So if you’re a preacher or a preacher’s kid or someone who loves the ministry and wants to be sensitive to their needs, this episode is for you.

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Praising the Lord in All Things

Ryan A. French2 Comments

We sat holding our newborn baby, watching as the doctor drew a diagram. It was a heart. He drew what it should look like. Then he drew it with the four abnormalities of the congenital defect known as tetralogy, the condition with which our first son, Ryan, was born. At first, my untrained eyes didn’t even recognize the blueness around his little eyes and lips. We found ourselves in the midst of a journey for which we were so unprepared, a long walk of faith. But in those first few moments that day with the heart specialist, our world changed forever, and I was about to join the ranks of the “hospital moms!”

As home missionaries to a western Chicago suburb, we expected sacrifices and hardships, financial and personal. But we never expected anything like this. In fact, over the next six years, Ryan underwent four complex open-heart surgeries, at three months, eighteen months, four years, and five years of age.  And, each time, the surgeon was working only millimeters from Ryan’s coronary artery. Thankfully, the Lord understands when we question our circumstances, knowing that we see “through a glass darkly.” These were undoubtedly the “desert of our days,” and our faith, like never before, would have to stand the test of fire. Like the three Hebrew children, we came to realize that faith is not merely knowing “God is able to deliver us.” We, too, prayed, “but if not,” as the operating room doors closed before us, only to find that same God standing with us in the midst of the fire.

Each was supposed to be the last, yet we came to the day we had to tell Ryan that he needed a fourth surgery. I will never forget the difficulty of explaining that to a five-year-old with vivid memories of his hospital experiences. For two years, he was the poster child for the Chicago Metropolitan Heart Association. At the news of the surgery, his blue eyes filled with tears. “What did I do wrong?” he asked. Quickly, we reassured him that he’d done nothing wrong. Nevertheless, the test of faith had come yet again. But, at age eight, when a previously inserted patch began to leak, and surgery was inevitable, the miracle came! My husband was preaching a camp on the east coast when, in the middle of the service, the Lord spoke to him that He had just healed Ryan! The doctor soon confirmed it. The leak had, indeed, sealed off—this time, God had chosen to deliver from the fire.

Our hospital journey, though, was not ended. We had now been blessed with two more sons, Jonathan, two, and six-month-old Nathan. The same week of Ryan’s miracle, Jonathan, began limping and could barely walk. The doctor, after blood work and scheduling orthopedics, reassured us – lightning rarely “strikes twice in the same place.” Still, we felt something was very wrong. His fever spiked, and he became lethargic. Then, suddenly, I had a sense of “knowing” exactly what was wrong. I shared it with my husband. With news now about the second of our sons, we received the call from our concerned family doctor, “I hate to have to tell you this, Reverend and Mrs. French.” Then, he said the very words I had spoken to my husband earlier, “Jonathan has leukemia!” We were to leave immediately for Chicago’s Children’s Memorial.

In the early morning hours, though dazed, the first miracle in this fiery trial became clear. As Jonathan was diagnosed with acute lymphatic leukemia, God had given me a word from Him. Then, the Lord said to me, “I spoke to you to assure you that I am here. I know all about it. My face is turned in your direction.” As battle-weary as we were, I desperately needed extra grace, so the Lord prepared the way, a peace beyond understanding. Nevertheless, the seemingly endless chemo, the needles, the non-sedated bone marrow aspirations, the spinals – were all incredibly difficult. But, early into treatment, I was blessed to hear Sis. Nona Freeman minister on the subject: “Praising the Lord in All Things!” God used it mightily. God was reminding me of the source of my strength amidst the trial – the power of praise!

Praise God for his mighty power! Twice God delivered Jon as he went into life-threatening septic shock, as doctors worked feverishly over him to save him. One day a newly purchased minivan suddenly appeared in our driveway, keys and all! Later, at a particularly low point, Jon could barely eat, yet the doctors allowed us to take him to his great grandfather’s funeral near St. Jude hospital. So we took him, as well, to a special service nearby for prayer. My husband’s unsaved step-father joined us and wanted to hold his grandson as they anointed him. The Lord’s touch was instantaneous, with Jon immediately asking his grandpa for something to eat! Powerfully moved, grandpa returned the next week and received the Holy Ghost!

The mountain of medical bills was miraculously wiped out, with one incredibly huge sum forgiven in total because they inexplicably lost the account! The trials left no hint of smoke, only the sweet aroma of the presence of the One Who stood with us in the midst of the fire. Both Ryan and Jon are well and active in the church we pastor in Atlanta, Ryan serving as Associate Pastor and Jon as a vital part of our youth and music ministry. To God be the glory.

The trials left no hint of smoke, only the sweet aroma of the presence of the One Who stood with us in the midst of the fire.

Podcast Episode with Mom (Rebecca French

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Rebecca French, alongside her husband, Dr. Talmadge French, has faithfully served the members of Apostolic Tabernacle in Jonesboro, Georgia, for ten years. They have been married and leading in numerous ministry capacities for forty-three years. Rebecca’s greatest joy is that her three sons, their wives, and her six grandchildren serve the Lord.

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The Walking Dead (The Church and the Zombie Culture) by Nathan French

Ryan A. French2 Comments

The Walking Dead is far from the only provocative show out there, but with so many Christians talking about it, I feel a responsibility to address it. The Walking Dead symbolizes entertainment today. Am I the only one who has noticed all the MA (Mature ratings) on everything? The sad truth is, the “MATURE” rating sells in our culture, and that’s why we see so much of it now.

Congratulations! If you’re alive, you’re a part of the Zombie Culture. Ironic, isn’t it? Full disclosure, I’ve never seen the show. I made a personal decision not to watch it. Even so, it’s impossible to escape the impact it makes all around us. This article is intended to point out the desensitization of what our culture deems “acceptable” for viewing in their home.

Here are three sad reasons why The Walking Dead is so popular today.

  1. PEOPLE LONG TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE

Eternity is a scary thing. The Word of God addresses eternity over and over again. We have the answer! You must be “Born Again” to enter into the Kingdom of God (John 3:3). Satan loves the Zombie Culture because it takes eternity out of the picture, and gives the subtle impression that we STAY here after we die. The Zombie culture takes the reality of Heaven and Hell out of the picture entirely. The truth about death is found in the Word of God.

1 Thessalonians 4:16 – For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

  1. VIOLENCE

You don’t have to watch The Walking Dead to know it’s VIOLENT. Extremely violent entertainment used to be considered a “cult following”. Not anymore, my friends. The Walking Dead has over 20 Million devout followers. We live in a crazy world filled with mass shootings, terrorism, and bomb threats every other week. Violent TV contributes greatly to this. Studies and criminal testimonies show that the culprits usually have one thing in common, they got involved in pornographic and violent entertainment.

What you watch affects you! Period. You can kick and scream and say it isn’t so but it doesn’t change reality. It is impossible scientifically for your brain to shut out what you put in front of your eyes. Yet, our culture is drawn to violence for entertainment purposes. This is also why you will notice the MARVEL franchise starting to make R-rated movies. The “R” rating used to hurt revenue, now they are the “number 1” selling movies in the franchise. Violence sells.

  1. ADDICTION

Hollywood is smart. They know how to maneuver around the human conscience. People say, “Season 7 was too much for me, but I’m 6 seasons in. I can’t stop now or I’ve wasted my time! I’ll never know what happened if I stop watching!”

Entertainment is addicting, and it’s hard to stop once you’ve invested your time into it. Usually, the first season of a show will stay tame enough to keep its audience. It’s not until later seasons that writers and director get brave. You control what you watch, not anyone else. If what you’re watching is not pleasing to God, only you have the power to stop it.

So, I leave you with this thought. The CULTURE shouldn’t influence the CHURCH, the CHURCH should influence the culture. Just because culture deems certain entertainment acceptable, doesn’t mean the Church should start digesting it. If your phone was mirrored to the world, would you be ashamed by your entertainment choices? Only you can decide what you allow into your home. Our churches will begin looking like “The Walking Dead” if we don’t clean up our entertainment choices.

If this article stepped on your toes, look down and make sure your feet are planted in the right place. Better yet, move your feet and walk away from The Walking Dead.

Psalm 101:3 – I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes…

A day or so before Nathan approached me with the concept of writing about The Walking Dead, my 7-year-old son asked me if dead people could really eat living people alive. After much questioning, I found out that several of his classmates watch The Walking Dead with their parents, and talk about it at school. These are 7-YEAR-OLD KIDS! You also need to understand, I spend a small fortune to send my kids to an extremely conservative Christian school. And yet, the pervasiveness of a gruesome horror show still permeates the environment despite concerned teachers. Obviously, Christian parents are not only ingesting gratuitous violence themselves (not to mention nudity, sex, and cursing), but they are callously exposing their small children as well. There is simply no redeeming quality in this kind of behavior.

Nathan and I have already braced ourselves for the inevitable pushback from the desensitized Christian zombified masses who will find this whole discussion offensive and out-of-bounds. I look forward to reading their indefensible defenses, their unjustifiable justifications, and their objectionable objections. Just to make sure no one can accuse me of obfuscation; you should absolutely run away from The Walking Dead. 

~Ryan French 

 

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NATHAN 1
Nathan French
 

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Don’t Play Past The Bike (Common Sense Theology)

Ryan A. French3 Comments

Recently my 4-year-old son was happily playing outside when I noticed that he had drifted down to the end of our driveway precariously close to the road. Hastily, I ran to him full of worry induced anger, and loudly reminded him that he is not allowed to play near the road. During my lecture, I noticed that his bike was conveniently located about halfway down the driveway between the house and the road.  In a moment of inspiration, I yelled, “Bubs, don’t play past the bike!” I repeated myself several times for emphasis and stepped away confident that he would stay on the right side of the bike, safely away from the dangers of the road. Not more than five minutes passed before I checked on him a second time and was shocked to see him standing at the edge of the driveway yet again. Frustrated that he had ignored my instructions and fearing for his safety I yelled, “Son, what do you think you are doing?  I said not to play past the bike.” He looked at me with big, innocent eyes and said defensively, “Daddy, I didn’t play past the bike!” It was then I noticed that technically, he had not played past the bike. Rather, he had cleverly moved it to the road keeping it in front of him the whole time.

My son had found what he thought to be an acceptable loophole in the system. In his mind, he had found a clever plan to get his way and keep me happy too. At the very least, he hoped to avoid getting in big trouble. I appeared to be the mean Daddy who didn’t want him to have any fun. But he forgot that there was a very important reason for the bike boundary; safety. My responsibility as a parent is to keep him safe first and happy second.

Like my son, we too try to cleverly move the boundaries that God has placed in our lives. We don’t want to be in direct defiance against God so we passively aggressively pick up the boundaries and carry them with us right into the very danger zone that God was trying to keep us from entering in the first place. It’s important to remember that God loves us (Click to read 7 Inspiring Verses About God’s Love For Us). When God places boundaries in our lives He does it out of love. When God tells us to forgive our enemies (Matthew 5:44, Romans 12:17-21) it’s not meant to harm us; God knows that hatred and bitterness are cancers that will destroy our lives. When God commands us not to commit adultery (1 Corinthians 6:9, Matthew 5:27-28) and to maintain moral purity (Click to read 55 Verses About Moral Purity) He is not trying to keep us from happiness; He knows that immorality produces great heartache and faithfulness and commitment bring a lifetime of joy.Most of the time we know deep down that moving the landmark isn’t ok, but we do it anyway hoping that God won’t notice our disobedience. As we move into a new year let’s commit to obeying the voice of God rather than playing around with technicalities and looking for clever loopholes. Let’s remember the biblical admonition, “Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set (Proverbs 22:28).”

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