Category: Podcast

Why Pray If God Already Knows? – Article + Podcast

Ryan A. French

I was reasonably sure it was a sinus infection. I get them so often that I’m able to recognize the symptoms. Everything from my neck up felt like it was being hit repeatedly with a hammer. My drab doctor’s office looks like it’s sponsored by the color gray. The fluorescent lights burned my already aching eyes. It was packed with people. I groaned inwardly, knowing the large crowd meant I’d be waiting a long time to see the doctor. I searched in vain for a seat where I wouldn’t have to sit next to another human. Finally, I squeezed into a chair between a man with a necklace apparently salvaged from an 80s hip-hop video and a woman holding a squirming toddler. I closed my eyes and prayed for silence. My prayer was interrupted, “Hey, are you a pastor”? It was the necklace guy. How does he know I’m a pastor? I thought to myself. The toddler screamed.

He didn’t look sick and didn’t seem to notice how miserable I was either. I gritted my teeth and exchanged pleasantries. He was waiting for his mother. “Are you one of those pastors who doesn’t believe miracles are for today?” he asked, giving me a hard look. “Quite the opposite,” I responded. He nodded as if I had just answered the million-dollar Jeopardy question correctly. “My mom has cancer,” he blurted out. And just like that, his tough exterior crumbled. “Would you like us to pray for your mother?” I asked. “Maybe,” he said. That answer surprised me. “First, let me ask you this,” he twisted in his seat to look me in the eyes. “Why do we need to pray if God already knows the answer?” he asked.

Does Prayer Change God’s Mind?

Mr. Necklace turned out to be quite the philosopher. I realized right away that he wouldn’t accept canned or trite answers. Somehow, I stumbled through that unexpectedly deep conversation despite my throbbing head and persistent dizziness. And yes. We did eventually pray for his mother. Answering why prayer matters if God already knows requires more than a quick explanation. Essentially the heart of that question is asking if prayer changes God’s mind. And the answer is no; it does not. For example, if every Christian prayed for the Second Coming of Jesus not to happen, it would still occur. However, and this might sound like semantics, prayer does change things. The mind of God does not change, for God does not change. Yet, God has chosen to exercise His sovereign will through secondary means and secondary activities. God, knowing the future, has already factored our prayers and our lack of prayers into the equation. Our prayers change things because God has ordained them to do so. He has intricately woven His actions into the fabric of our relationship with Him. The prayers of a righteous man avail much because God has ordained them to do so (James 5:16). Therefore, prayer does not change God’s mind, but it does change our circumstances.

Didn’t God Repent?

Naturally, you might be thinking, what about the Scriptures that say God “repented of” His actions (Exodus 32:14)? Let’s look at that. First, the Hebrew word nacham, which is often translated as “repent” or “to have regret,” can also mean “sorrow” or “to bring comfort.”[i] Genesis 6:6 is the first instance of God’s apparent “repentance.” The King James Version reads: “And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.” To suggest that God made a mistake and needed to repent of that mistake implies that God is not perfect, His ways are not perfect, and His decisions are fallible. However, because we know that God’s ways are perfect, it makes sense to conclude that secondary and even tertiary meanings of nacham should apply. For example, here in Genesis 6:6, if we use the secondary definition of nacham, this verse is understood to mean that the wickedness of man brought great sorrow to God’s heart, especially considering what He must do to restore them.

The Gethsemane Principle

Now that we have established that prayer changes things, let’s examine a common misconception about prayer. Several Scriptures, at first glance and when not adequately contextualized, seem to indicate that if we pray with faith, we will get whatever we want from God (Psalm 37:4, Matthew 7:7-11, Matthew 21:22, John 14:13, James 5:15-18, 1 John 3:22). Each text deserves its own consideration. Yet, for brevity, I’ve chosen a representative text that is often confusing. In Mark 11:24, Jesus said to His disciples, “All things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.” His statement is, of course, conditioned by His will (1 John 5:14-16). In Matthew 21:22, we have the broad general rule for prayer. The rule is liberal, gracious, and awesome in potential, but it is qualified by just and reasonable limitations explained elsewhere in the Scriptures (James 4:2-3; 2 Corinthians 12:7-9; Luke 22:42).[ii]

Jesus was absolutely the only truly righteous person to walk the earth. And yet, he prayed very specifically in the Garden of Gethsemane that He would not have to suffer and die (Matthew 26:36-46). His request was denied, not because Jesus was sinful or lacked faith, but because it did not align with God’s will. Therefore, in His perfection, He gave us a template to follow when praying. He prayed, “Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt (Matthew 26:39).” The Gospel writers did not see this as a divergence from Jesus’ earlier promises that praying by faith produces answered prayer. Instead, they understood that all prayer requests must ultimately be surrendered to God’s will. I think John summed it up best: And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hears us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him (1 John 5:14-15).

Warnings to the Unrighteous

The Old and New Testaments issue somber warnings to unrighteous people who pray. For example, proverbs 28:9 says, “He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be an abomination.” That’s severe language! An abomination is something morally detestable in God’s sight.[iii] The psalmist acknowledged, “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me (Psalm 66:18).” That is, if I know sin is there, and I do nothing about it, the Lord will not hear my prayers.[iv] The prophet Isaiah chastised the people on God’s behalf, saying, “Your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear (Isaiah 59:2).” John’s Gospel declares, “God heareth not sinners (John 9:31).” Peter alerted, “The face of the Lord is against them that do evil (1 Peter 3:12).” And James cautioned that our motives matter when we are praying (James 4:3). These verses serve as a sobering reminder that approaching God with an unrepentant heart invites His wrath.

Why Pray If God Already Knows?

We’re still left with the question, “Why pray if God already knows?” Not only does He know what will happen, but He knows if, when, and what we will pray. And yet, prayer is not suggested to us. Rather, it is demanded of us. I will cover several reasons prayer is required of us, but first, let it be acknowledged that if God commands us to pray, that alone is reason enough to pray. There are a great many things God requires of us that, on the surface, seem unreasonable or unnecessary, yet obedience is necessary if we want to be in good standing with the Lord. It is excellent to have understanding, but ultimately, we are not called to understand. We are called to obey.

Prayer Connects Us to the Community of God

During Jesus’ most famous teaching, the Sermon on the Mount, He gave an example of how everyone should pray:

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil… (Matthew 6:9-13).

Did you catch it? Jesus didn’t say to pray, “my Father which art in heaven.” Instead, He said, “our Father.” And don’t pray, “give me this day.” Instead, pray, “give us this day.” Read the full prayer. Not once does Jesus use singular pronouns except when addressing the Father. Why? Because even in prayer, we must remember that we are part of a community more significant than ourselves. Prayer connects us to the community of God spiritually and emotionally.

Prayer Delights God

Proverbs 15:8 says, “The prayer of the upright is his delight.” Asking the question, “Why pray if God already knows?” reveals a profound misunderstanding of the nature of prayer. We were created to have a relationship with the Lord. Communicating with the Lord is an essential part of that relationship. In fact, requesting things from God is just a tiny portion of our daily prayers. As incredible as it may seem, God enjoys it when we pray. When you love someone, you long to be near them and discuss everything with them. The same is true when you love God.

Prayer Reveals Remarkable Secrets

Jeremiah 33:3 in the New Living Translation says, “Ask me, and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.” Ironically, one of the significant advantages of praying to God, who knows everything about the past, present, and future, is that He can and does reveal remarkable secrets to His children. Tremendous revelations and illuminations are received in prayer. For example, during prayer, the Apostle Peter received the vision showing that Gentiles could be saved under God’s new covenant (Acts 10:9-16). Not every revelation is significant to the entire world, but it will be profoundly important for your life.

I’ve been sitting here contemplating personal testimonies of how God revealed secrets to me in prayer, and there are too many to list here. However, narrowing it down to one testimony has been very difficult. But here it goes. Many years ago, I traveled through the Midwest in the dead of a severe winter storm. The interstate was icy, and traffic was heavy. I was in a hurry and impatient to get to my destination. Then, my gas light dinged and glowed the familiar red. So, I pulled over at the nearest gas station. I went through the usual pit stop routine: gas, snack, restroom. And I jumped back into the car, ready to rush back onto the interstate. Suddenly, I felt the urge to pray. I did so, expecting to have a nice prayer meeting while driving (as I often do). But the Lord spoke and said to park the car and wait. I didn’t like that at all. “I’m on a tight schedule,” I argued. “Wait,” He said. After what seemed like a thousand hours, I finally felt the release to drive. I immediately saw the devastating results of a deadly multi-car pileup on the interstate. I undoubtedly would have been part of that collision if the Lord had not stopped me.

Prayer Produces Faith

The Gospels of Matthew and Mark tell the story of a father bringing his demon-possessed son to Jesus for healing. Evidently, the father encountered the disciples first, and they attempted to cast the demon out themselves, but they could not do it. Eventually, he got his son to Jesus and described how the disciples could not cast out the demon. Then, speaking of the disciples, Jesus said, “O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you (Mark 9:19)?” Then, the father says, “Jesus, help us if you can (Mark 9:22).” Jesus responded sharply, “What do you mean, ‘if I can’?”. Next, Jesus addressed the father’s faith, saying, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth (Mark 9:23).” And in one of the most dramatic and intensely relatable moments in Scripture, the desperate father cried out to Jesus, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief (Mark 9:24).” The comingling of belief and unbelief, that harrowed father expressed, is something we’ve all experienced. Part of us believes, but another part of us doubts or fears or worries, etc. All we can do is cry out to Jesus to help us have the faith we need. And, thankfully, He gives it to us.

After the boy had been delivered and the disciples had a private moment with Jesus, they asked the question that was surely burning in their minds, “Why couldn’t we cast out that demon (Mark 9:28)?”. Matthew’s Gospel gives a slightly more detailed description than Mark’s:

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. Howbeit, this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting (Matthew 17:20-21).

Many people tend to oversimplify this passage, saying something like, “If you’d add fasting to your prayers, the victory will come.” As if fasting itself is the crucial issue at hand. But the real problem Jesus addressed in that story is the lack of faith in the disciples and the father. Faith, not fasting, moves mountains. Faith, not fasting, can cast out stubborn demons. However, some demonic realms are so intense that we can only ensure we have the necessary faith through prayer and fasting. Usually, moments of intense spiritual warfare where extraordinary faith is needed come without warning. Therefore, regular prayer and fasting produce faith. Prayer produces faith, but Jesus indicated that prayer and fasting generate greater faith. Interestingly, the sequence of Jesus’ remarks implies that it takes less faith to move a mountain (the size of a mustard seed) than it does to cast out certain demons.

Prayer Prepares Us

The Apostle Paul was in prison when he wrote, “Never stop praying, be ready for anything by praying and being thankful (Colossians 4:2).”[v] Prayer prepares us for anything for all the reasons already covered: It connects us to the community of God, delights God, reveals secrets, and produces faith in our hearts. Prayer keeps us humble because it acknowledges God as the ultimate source of truth and authority. Therefore, we draw closer to God relationally in prayer. God already knows us, but prayer allows us to know Him better. That intimate relationship prepares us for any eventuality that life might bring.

Prayer Strengthens Against Temptation

Prayer strengthens us specifically against the hazards of temptation. Jesus encouraged the disciples, “Pray for strength against temptation. Your spirit wants to do what is right, but your body is weak (Matthew 26:41).”[vi] Many times, we keep this command in reverse; we wait until we’re tempted to pray, and while it’s certainly good to pray when we’re tempted, it’s far better to pray for strength before we’re in the throes of temptation. Because not only would we undergo less temptation, but it would also be far less potent when it does attack.

Prayer Reveals God’s Will

The Bible is brimming with examples of people seeking direction, desperately wanting to know God’s will. David begged God for guidance on whether he should pursue his captured family (1 Samuel 30:8). After Joshua died, the leaderless Israelites anxiously asked God which tribe should lead them into battle against the Canaanites (Judges 1:1). Facing the monumental question of who should replace Judas as an Apostle, they prayed for an answer (Acts 1:24-25). Of course, we all have big and small dilemmas where the solution isn’t simple, and we need to know God’s will. Jesus said, “Seek and ye shall find (Matthew 7:7).” Rarely does God show His plan to us without us first seeking it. Instead, the Lord draws us into a deeper relationship with Him by insisting that we spend time in prayer, searching for direction, solutions, and answers.

Prayer Proves God

Prayer is a public testimony of our faith in God. Praying, especially before the watching world, becomes our broadcasted witness. And when our prayers are answered, it proves God. For example, while Paul and Silas languished in prison after being beaten nearly to death, they prayed and sang praises to God (Acts 16:25). Luke is careful to include the detail, “And all the prisoners heard them (Acts 16:25).” When the earthquake shook the prison doors open God received the glory. That’s why Elijah insisted the prophets of Baal should pray to their lifeless gods, and then he would pray to the one true God (1 Kings 18:24). Then, when the fire fell, it proved God before the skeptics.

My younger brother, Jonathan, suffered from a blood cancer called leukemia as a child. God did several notable miracles for Jon during that painful season. However, you’ll inevitably hear the story of a particularly dark moment in Jon’s sickness if you’re around our dad very much. Jon hadn’t eaten in days, and he was frail, and his immune system was compromised. The doctors were concerned that Jon wouldn’t recover if he couldn’t eat. Nevertheless, our parents felt in prayer to take Jon to a special church service in a nearby town. Our father’s stepdad surprised everyone by agreeing to attend the service. Grandpa Lee wasn’t religious, but he carried his fragile, starving little grandson up to the altar for prayer. Moments after they prayed, Jon whispered into Grandpa Lee’s ear, “I’m hungry.” Later, in the minivan, on the way to Wendy’s, Jon started singing softly, “Look what the Lord has done. He healed my body. He touched my mind. He saved me just in time.” Of course, that song became a French family mantra from that day forward. Grandpa Lee was so moved by that visible answer to desperate prayers that he began seeking the Holy Ghost and eventually received it. Our prayers prove the power of God to a watching world. They may not always respond as they should, but they are not without a witness.

Prayer Causes Angelic Intervention

When God kept the lions from devouring Daniel, it convinced a pagan king to believe in Daniel’s God. “My God sent His angel and shut the lions’ mouths (Daniel 6:22),” Daniel announced to the king.[vii] Again, in Daniel 10, an angel appears to Daniel in a vision as a result of his prayers. The angel said, “From the very first day you decided to get wisdom and to be humble in front of God, he has been listening to your prayers. I came to you because you have been praying (Daniel 10:12)”.[viii] We have incomplete knowledge of how angels operate. As a result, there’s little we truly understand about the spiritual warfare happening beyond our limited scope of human vision. Still, we can be assured that prayer causes angelic intervention on a grand scale. We do not pray to angels, but when we call on the Lord as their commander, He dispatches them on our behalf.

Prayer Ushers Us into the Spirit

The Apostle Paul declared, “For if I pray in an unknown tongue, my spirit prayeth, but my understanding is unfruitful (1 Corinthians 14:14).” Praying in tongues is a supernatural depth of prayer where the Spirit of God assists us as we pray. Praying in the Spirit ushers us into heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3). Your spirit intercedes in and through the Holy Ghost beyond your earthly ability to pray. Your own spirit prays supernaturally, without understanding, rather than your intellect. You might not know how or even what to pray, but when you are in the Spirit, there is a deep working of the Holy Ghost, empowerment, and a supernatural power between you and God in prayer. The Spirit isn’t controlling your speech but empowers your spirit to pray in the Spirit.

Again, Paul expounded on praying in the Spirit, “He that speaketh in an unknown tongue edifieth himself; but he that prophesieth edifieth the church (1 Corinthians 14:4).” The New Living Translation accurately renders “…edifieth himself” as “…is strengthened personally.” Praying in tongues is personal, directed to God. Otherwise, it’s a Divine message to the church requiring interpretation (1 Corinthians 14:2). The “unknown tongue” in 1 Corinthians 14:4 is personal prayer. As with all tongues speech, such prayer is viewed as being “in the Spirit.” A personal strengthening (edification) comes exclusively from praying in the Spirit.

To be clear, it’s good to pray with understanding, which means to pray in your native language using your intellect to form meaningful words and sentences. However, a person’s intellect can only take them to a certain point in prayer. Our memories are flawed, our perceptions are skewed, and our comprehension is one-dimensional. We don’t even know exactly which demons have a stronghold in our region. We don’t know which specific powers need to be cast down. But the Spirit knows. We don’t know when an eighteen-wheeler is bearing down on our loved ones in real-time, but the Spirit knows. So, when we pray in the Spirit, the Spirit fills the gaps our weaknesses can’t close. For a deeper look at praying the Spirit, read Praying in Tongues with Dr. Talmadge French, or listen to the podcast Praying in Tongues with Dr. Talmadge French.

[i] Baker, Warren and Eugene Carpenter. The Complete Word Study Dictionary: Old Testament. Accordance electronic edition, version 1.2. Chattanooga: AMG Publishers, 2003.

5162. נָחַם nāḥam: A verb meaning to be sorry, to pity, to comfort, to avenge. The verb often means to be sorry or to regret: the Lord was sorry that He had made people (Gen. 6:6); He led Israel in a direction to avoid war when they left Egypt, lest they became so sorry and grieved that they would turn back (Ex. 13:17). The Lord had compassion on His people (i.e., He became sorry for them because of the oppression their enemies placed on them [Judg. 2:18]). While the Lord could be grieved, He did not grieve or become sorry so that He changed His mind as a human does (1 Sam. 15:29). The word also means to comfort or console oneself. Isaac was comforted after Sarah, his mother, died (Gen. 24:67).

The verb always means to console or comfort. Jacob refused to be comforted when he believed that Joseph had been killed (Gen. 37:35). To console is synonymous with showing kindness to someone, as when David consoled Hanun, king of the Ammonites, over the death of his father (2 Sam. 10:2). God refused to be consoled over the destruction of His people (Isa. 22:4; 40:1); yet He comforts those who need it (Ps. 119:82; Isa. 12:1). The passive form of the word means to be comforted: the afflicted city of Zion would be comforted by the Lord (Isa. 54:11; 66:13). In the reflexive stem, it can mean to get revenge for oneself (Gen. 27:42; Ezek. 5:13); to let oneself be sorry or have compassion (Num. 23:19; Deut. 32:36); and to let oneself be comforted (Gen. 37:35; Ps. 119:52).

[ii] Phillips, John. Exploring the Gospel of Matthew. John Phillips Commentary Series. Accordance electronic edition, version 1.6. Grand Rapids: Kregel Publications, 1999.

[iii] Strong, James. Strong’s Hebrew and Chaldee Dictionary of the Old Testament. Accordance electronic edition, version 3.3. Altamonte Springs: OakTree Software, 1999.

[iv] (Psalm 66:18 Amplified Bible)

[v] (Colossians 4:2 Holy Bible: Easy-to-Read Version (ERV))

[vi] (Matthew 26:41 Holy Bible: Easy-to-Read Version (ERV))

[vii] (Daniel 6:22 New King James Version)

[viii] (Daniel 10:12 Holy Bible: Easy-to-Read Version (ERV))

Related posts:

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  2. Should Christians Drink Alcohol?
  3. Oneness Theology, Church History & Where the Church Is Right Now – Podcast Transcript with Dr. Talmadge French
  4. Prayer, Revival & Spiritual Warfare with Joe Campetella (Article + Podcast)
  5. The Anatomy of a Failure (A Scriptural Survey of Why Sincere Souls Fail God) – Article + Podcast
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The Difference Between Sheep & Goats

Ryan A. French

I gazed across a lush, green, undulating field that stretched as far as my eyes could see. This was somewhere in Wisconsin. I’d been driving for hours when I happened to notice farm signs peppering the little country roads. Growing up in a big city, I’d never seen large herds of… well, anything. So, I made a detour and found a farm. The sheep’s white contrasted sharply with the deep green of the fields. There were so many sheep that my untrained eye couldn’t count them. After a few minutes, a middle-aged farmer in stereotypical overalls and various layers of flannel called out to me with a thick Wisconsin brogue (they never pronounce the “g” at the end of a word). He was friendly and talkative in a quiet, hard-working midwestern way. Eventually, I asked him about raising sheep. “Sheep and goats,” he corrected. I didn’t see goats, so I asked, “Do you keep the goats somewhere else?” “Nah, they’re out there with the sheep,” he said. I squinted into the bright sunlight, still not seeing goats. Then, he added helpfully, “They’re hard to spot from a distance; they just blend in with the sheep.”

They Blend In

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you whom my Father blesses; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world (Matthew 25:31-34).”

A common thread runs through the Old and New Testaments, which likens God to a shepherd and us as His sheep. Surveys show that Psalms 23:1, “the Lord is my Shepherd,” is the most well-known verse in the Bible. Jesus added several layers to this analogy, like ravenous wolves disguised as sheep (Matthew 7:15), people who try to sneak into Heaven without using the sheep’s gate (John 10:1) and introduced the concept of pastoral under-shepherds (John 21:16). All of these are just examples, of course. False prophets aren’t literally wolves, but they are cunning and dangerous like wolves. Nevertheless, the shepherding and animal comparisons Jesus used are remarkably relevant today.

I’ve found that, much like looking over that Wisconsin field and struggling to differentiate the sheep from the goats, from a distance, sheep and goats blend together in our churches too. Eventually, the goats act like goats, or you get close enough to tell, but they can coexist for a long time. Interestingly, Jesus doesn’t have trouble telling the difference, but rather than separating the herd right now, He’s waiting until judgment day. God is content to let the goats play like sheep until the final moment when hearts are revealed at the throne. Until then, our church communities have goats blending in with the sheep. Occasionally, goats paw the ground, show their horns, and reveal their true nature. That can be especially sad if, up to that moment, you believed they were sheep.

You Should Smell Like Sheep

If you can forgive a transparent moment, I want to share a story that dramatically impacted my thinking on this subject. Years ago, an individual began attending services regularly, our church was much smaller, and I was far more naïve. He was shy and troubled. It took a long time to get his background story. He already had the Holy Ghost, but his church background was impossible to follow. He’d just been to so many places of every denomination and creed. It’s no exaggeration to say I spent countless hours on the phone counseling, in-person fellowshipping, or teaching Bible studies with him. But, no matter how much time I gave him, it was never enough.

In the beginning, he was incredibly faithful. But a strange cycle eventually manifested of randomly disappearing for months at a time. He’d attend a random church for a few months and then show back up at our church with a story about how badly that other church had failed him. The first several times this happened, I chased him down (figuratively) to check on him and encourage him to get settled here. I called, texted, and even knocked on his door. I quit doing that, however. You see, I realized if he was going to be faithful, it would take a heart change, not just an encouraging word.

One day he showed back up at church and aggressively confronted me, shouting, “You should smell like sheep!” He said, “Jesus left the church to find the lost sheep, and you should too!” I was stunned and hurt. I let guilt wash all over me. Had I been wrong not to keep chasing and chasing and chasing? I mean, Jesus did talk about leaving the flock to find the one lost sheep. I stammered and told him all the sincere things I could think of to assure him I cared about his soul and did indeed want to be a good pastor. I agreed to meet him for coffee very soon. He never returned my calls, and I didn’t see him again for six months.

The evening after that verbal ambush, I spent a good deal of time in prayer about the situation. As pastors do, I replayed everything in my mind over and over again. Did I do enough? Was I approachable? Am I inadequate? How can I duplicate myself so I can give everyone all the time they need? Lord, help me be a better pastor. Lord, how can I meet the insatiable needs and overwhelming demands? Lord, I don’t want to be responsible for lost sheep. And God let me twist in the wind for a good while before gently saying, “your job is to feed sheep, not chase goats.”

Sheep Wander, Goats Run Away

Put aside the fact that the Parable of the Lost Sheep (Luke 15:1-7) is really a story about winning the lost and not about chasing stray saints. But regardless, good shepherds search for lost sheep and do their best to bring them safely back home. Tragically, sometimes the wolves, the goats, the elements, or all three have already taken their toll when a shepherd locates them. Here’s a little observation the Lord helped me unearth: Lost sheep may wander away and get hurt or lost, but goats run away and resist being brought back to the fold. When lost sheep see their shepherd, they are happy and relieved. Yes, they might be embarrassed or ashamed too. But mostly, they are thankful for the help. Goats, on the other hand, are defiant, angry, and defensive. A goat isn’t going to let you put him on your shoulders and take him home, as Jesus described in the parable.

Grazers & Browsers

Goats have a well-deserved reputation for eating anything in sight. Sometimes they chew it up and spew it out. There’s a classic episode of The Andy Griffith Show where Barney and Andy hilariously deal with a goat that had eaten a crate of dynamite. The last thing they needed was a goat with a belly full of dynamite, headbutting something and going kaboom in the middle of Mayberry. And while that may be ridiculous, it is believable because goats are browsers. They don’t feed on grass or low-growth vegetation like sheep. So, the green pastures mentioned in Psalm 23 aren’t all that exciting to goats. And that is a crucial difference between sheep and goats. Sheep are grazers. They are content with green grass and will follow shepherds who lead them beside “still waters.”

Goats don’t want a shepherd. They’re never full. They leave churches because they “aren’t being fed.” That’s rarely the case. They have an appetite for thorns and thistles. They like faux shepherds who promise something better, something more exciting, more relevant, than godly pastures and still waters. When that gets boring, or they realize how unsatisfying that diet is, they move on to another place. While that’s fine for actual goats, people with a goat nature Jesus described reject living water and the bread of life (yes, I know I’m mixing metaphors). This is partially because goats are discontented by nature. Sheep have learned, as the apostle Paul said:

…I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things, I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need (Philippians 4:11-12).

Interdependent & Independent

I get that being compared to sheep carries a stigma. We’ve all heard derogatory comments about “sheeple,” “herd mentalities,” and “lemmings.” In America, at least for most of its history, personal independence is sought after and celebrated. And Jesus certainly wasn’t suggesting that we’re all alike or that Christ’s followers are supposed to be robots, mindlessly going with the flow. On the contrary, the Gospel is intensely personal and intimate. Everyone must have a close relationship with the Great Shepherd, so much so that they recognize His voice (John 10:27). If anything, remaining with God’s flock in His pasture takes great individual intentionality, sincere thought, and an extraordinary understanding of the greater good. By the “greater good,” I mean that sheep willingly trade their independence for interdependence. Because, let’s face it, complete independence is a total fabrication. Everyone needs someone or something, and sheep have realized they want and need the Great Shepherd.

But here’s the thing, if you want the Great Shepherd, you must accept that you are also getting His undershepherds and His flock. So, gaining the Great Shepherd gives you exclusive access to His pastures but also excludes you from wandering back to old fields. There will be fences, parameters, and requirements. You may not always understand or even like them, but you trust the Great Shepherd sees dangers you cannot see. Sure, the flock might slow you down or cramp your style, and it might be tempting to wander off and do your own thing for a while. You might misconstrue Christian liberty as freedom from the responsibilities of the flock. The apostle Paul addressed this carnal propensity in his letter to the church in Galatia: For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another (Galatians 5:13, ESV). The apostle Peter described our obligation to the flock this way: Have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind (1 Peter 3:8, ESV).

Goats are all about “my” and “me.” Sheep are focused on community, the “us” and “we.” Goats are constantly looking for advancement for themselves, while sheep look to enhance everyone. That’s why Jesus emphasized things like, “The last shall be first, and the first last (Matthew 20:16).” It’s counterintuitive, but putting others first is the best thing you can do for yourself. Let me show you something people miss who think they can accept Jesus while rejecting His undershepherds and flock. During Jesus’ most famous teaching, the Sermon on the Mount, He gave an example of how everyone should pray:

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil… (Matthew 6:9-13).

Did you catch it? Jesus didn’t say to pray, “My Father which art in heaven.” Instead, he said, “Our Father.” And don’t pray, “Give me this day.” Rather pray, “Give us this day.” Read the full prayer. Not once does Jesus use singular pronouns except when addressing the Father. Why? Because even in prayer, we must remember that we are part of a community more significant than ourselves. You can’t accept the Shepherd and reject your role in His flock. Sheep know this to be true.

Faithful & Playful

Even the flakiest, most undependable Christians take great comfort in knowing God is always faithful. I’m the first to raise my hand and say that what I probably love most about the Lord is that He will never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:8). In other words, God is never going to flake out on me. Yet, people who claim to be like Christ are often more playful than faithful.

It’s true that goats are more playful than sheep. This is because goats are more adventurous by nature. However, that doesn’t mean sheep aren’t playful. They are. They just don’t prioritize playfulness over faithfulness. Sheep know the ultimate goal is to hear the Great Shepherd say, “Well done my good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:23). Faithfulness always sounds boring until you need someone to be faithful to you. Likewise, loyalty seems mundane until you need loyalty.

Goats are not dependable. They’re terrible with follow-through. And they lack loyalty when the chips are down. But, oh, yes, they can be a lot of fun. Sometimes they’re a downright joy to have hanging around the sheep. But that playfulness quickly becomes annoying and occasionally destructive when faithfulness is required. Sheep, like having a good time. They need it and crave it. But they know when to take things seriously. They know how to listen for changes in their Shepherd’s tone. They’ve learned that fun at all costs isn’t worth the price.

Amiable & Onery

But, even with all that fun-loving independence, an orneriness lurks beneath the surface of a goat’s facade. The term “stubborn as a goat” exists for a good reason. Goats are indeed stubborn and hardheaded (literally). Goats are notoriously onery and rebellious. It’s their nature. Of course, some are more so than others. My grandfather would have called them cantankerous. Human goats are like that too. This puts them at odds with sheep, in opposition to undershepherds, and in trouble with the Great Shepherd.

While sheep are far from perfect, they have an amiable nature. They’ve learned to “strive for peace with everyone (Hebrews 12:14).” If it’s possible, and if they can do anything about it, they try to have peaceful relationships with everyone they encounter (Romans 12:18). This isn’t always easy. Still, it’s the will of the Great Shepherd, so they obey. After all, sheep don’t have to fight their own battles. Their Shepherd fights for them.

Shoats & Geeps

My daughter, our in-house animal expert, informed me that there are sheep-goat hybrids, usually referred to as “shoats” or “geeps.” I kid you not. The Bible never mentions these curious creatures. However, it does describe how every person has a war between two competing natures raging on the inside. You might say we’re all born with a goat nature, and the Holy Ghost gives us a new character. But even after receiving the Holy Ghost, we’re still a sheep-goat hybrid. That old goat nature desperately wants to take back control.

The apostle Paul lamented that the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the wishes of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other (Galatians 5:17). The apostle Peter called this inward struggle a war saying, “the passions of the flesh wage war against your soul (1 Peter 2:11).” Paul homed in on geeps that had transformed back into goats when he said: For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot (Romans 8:7, ESV). The transformation from sheep to goat and vice versa is always a possibility. Therefore, sheep must always be on guard, and goats have no choice but to repent or be lost.

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In Jesus’ Name – A Poem

Ryan A. French 
I’ll always be a poser. 
A loser at heart. 
The inside is broken. 
The outside’s a frame. 
I do it all in Jesus’ name. 

Fame brings no fortune. 
And fortune, no fame. 
The elements twisting. 
Aligning the game. 
Run for the hills in Jesus’ name. 

I’ve always been homeless. 
A wandering soul. 
Jealous of nothing. 
Yet wanting it all. 
Find contentment in Jesus’ name. 

Peace brings no freedom. 
And freedom, no sleep.
The contention still lives.
It always remains.
Til’ the trump sounds in Jesus’ name.

Can you value the future?
Surrender the past? 
Love what’s leftover?
Relinquish the masks?
Just lay them down in Jesus’ name.

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Should Christians & Pastors Be Involved in Politics with Superintendent David Tipton – Article + Podcast

Ryan A. French

Mississippi District United Pentecostal Church Superintendent David Tipton is passionate about Christians being involved in politics. So much so he’s written a great book called Faith, Freedom & Politics. It was an honor having him on the Apostolic Voice podcast (I’ve linked that episode below). You’ll enjoy that conversation. The topic is important enough to merit being condensed here. So, I’ve abbreviated the highlights of my conversation with Rev. Tipton for those who prefer to read.

In Christ, At Colosse

To the saints and faithful brethren in Christ which are at Colosse: Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ (Colossians 1:2).

Tipton makes the case that, like the church at Colosse, saints are to be in Christ and involved in their region. That involvement should naturally include politics. My father used to say, “don’t complain about politics if you don’t vote.” That impacted me as a young man because our human nature does tend to complain about things we won’t work to fix. Biblically we have good precedents for involvement: Daniel was involved with the King at the highest level of political advisory, Joseph was elevated to the second most powerful political position in Egypt, and Nehemiah governed Judah while maintaining a positive influence with the king of Babylon who held them captive. Paul instructed us to “pray for those in government positions (1 Timothy 2:1-2).” And Jesus urged us to be good citizens and pay our taxes (Matthew 22:17-21). But of course, we have a higher citizenship in Heaven (Philippians 3:20), but that doesn’t excuse us from doing the right thing here on earth.

My Political Affiliation

I happily echo what Superintendent Tipton said in our interview, “my loyalties lie with Jesus Christ.” There will likely never be a politician who perfectly represents my biblical worldview. So, I strive to find the closest agreement possible. Like it or not, Christians are usually forced to vote for the lesser of two evils. Red or blue, elephant or donkey, I vote for candidates who are most likely to govern closest to my values. Therefore, my vote is not a full stamp of approval for their every action before or after they are elected. However, Tipton makes a valid point that shouldn’t be overlooked, “building a personal relationship with elected officials will help them remain more sympathetic to your values.”

All Politics Is Local

I’ve noticed that Christians will often become very animated about national politics. Yet, those same people are indifferent to their local elections and legislation. I’ll raise my hand and admit I’ve been that person. It’s easy to get swept into the electrifying current of national politics while simultaneously being lulled to sleep by local policymaking. However, Tipton reminded me that the average person is far more impacted by local policies than by federal ones. For example, COVID revealed much about how important it is for churches to have a good relationship with their mayor, sheriff, and county officials. As Tipton pointed out, “a local sheriff has tremendous power to help or harm.” It stands to reason that we should be active on the local level. If you’re like me, you might wonder, how can I cultivate relationships with local officials? Fortunately, Rev. Tipton gives some great advice on how to do just that.

Be A Friend

I’m abbreviating Rev. Tipton’s advice considerably, but this will give you a good overview of developing relationships with your local officials. First, if possible, begin relationships while officials are running for office. Tipton says, “If you only initiate contact after they are elected, you seem like an opportunist.” Look for local luncheons, speeches, prayer breakfasts, book signings, or gatherings where you can introduce yourself to candidates while they are seeking office. Be real. Be genuine. Be kind. Once a local politician has won office, make contact in person by visiting their office. Congratulate them and express your desire to help them wherever possible. Even if you don’t see eye to eye on most issues, try to find some common ground. Treat them like human beings in a frenzied media culture that dehumanizes politicians, and they will be grateful. Politicians are humans like you and me. As Tipton says, “they like to win and hate to lose. They don’t want to be embarrassed or mistreated.”

Once you’ve made that initial contact in person. Write them a letter expressing some kindness and a measure of support. Let them know you are praying for them and that you represent others who are doing the same. If you notice or hear about a situation a local official is dealing with, send them a note expressing concern. Remind them you are available if they need a safe person to talk with. In short, be a friend. It’s vital that you establish this relationship before asking for help, demanding change, or complaining about this or that. You are more likely to get results from someone who sees you as a friend than if they view you as an annoying stranger. Finally, be a person of integrity in that relationship. Please don’t use them for selfies or talk about your conversations with them to others. They need to know you are trustworthy and reliable. They need to know that they are talking only to you when they speak to you.

Issues of Great Concern

You may not care about or enjoy the American political process. And that’s ok. I get it. But you probably care deeply about the issues facing your family, church, and community. Those issues can only be resolved through the mechanism of politics. For example, the Mississippi District UPCI, under the direction of Rev. Tipton, played a crucial role in the legislation that overturned Roe vs. Wade and changed abortion laws for the better (you’ll want to listen to that testimony here). Religious liberty and freedom of speech are genuinely being threatened. Will we complain about it, or will we do something about it? I can tell you from personal experience that family law needs an overhaul, and public education needs total renovation. Mental health is tragically overlooked and underfunded in our communities. Crime and lawlessness are back on the rise in many sectors. Whether we realize it or not, business ethics and economics impact us all.

Christians care about these things. We detest racism. We’re not just against abortion. We’re for adoption (another area that needs deep reform). These issues and countless more should compel us to get involved as best we can, especially locally. Superintendent Tipton puts it this way:

If the church would be the redeeming force in the world, it must come to the realization that God’s love is for all men. A direct result of this is a deep-seated commitment to action in helping people, even if that means helping politically. It is vital for the church to move into the political process.

National Apostolic Christian Leadership Conference (NACLC)

Rev. Tipton is a founding leader and staunch advocate of the National Apostolic Christian Leadership Conference (NACLC). Their website is www.naclc.org. Individuals, churches, and districts can become members for $10.00 per month or $100.00 annually. Membership gives access to regular correspondence, initiatives, and materials relevant to Christian legislation and issues. Additionally, churches, districts, and ministries receive free membership in the Alliance Defending Freedom. The ADF team of nearly 100 attorneys can review documents, advise on related legal matters, and represent you if the case warrants. They focus primarily on protecting religious liberties from encroachment. The stated goal of NACLC is as follows, “to build a unified force of Apostolic Pentecostal organizations and believers that will influence local, state, and national policy.”

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Praying in Tongues – Article + Podcast

Ryan A. French1 Comment

This article is an extension of a conversation between Dad and me on the Apostolic Voice podcast. I’ve included a link to that episode below. It’s a revelatory episode. Praying in tongues and praying in the Spirit is life-changing.

Three Types of Tongues

Much of the confusion surrounding talking in tongues comes from a failure to differentiate between the three types (or modes) of tongues described in Scripture. Most Pentecostals are so familiar with these types of tongues that they fail to realize it can confuse the uninitiated. Jesus prophesied about the first type of tongues, so there could be no doubt when it happened on the Day of Pentecost. He said signs would follow believers, and one of those signs is that “they shall speak with new tongues (Mark 16:17).” Of course, that happened in the Upper Room in Acts 2:4. But it happened on many other occasions, too, most notably in Acts 10:46 and Acts 19:6.

This is often called the initial (or first) evidence that someone has received the Holy Ghost. It’s certainly not the only evidence that a person has received the Spirit. Many other confirmations follow (Galatians 5:22-23), but it is always the first indicator that a person has been filled with the Holy Spirit. The second type of tongues is a manifestation of the gifts of the Spirit (or spiritual gifts). The apostle Paul extensively deals with this mode of tongues in 1 Corinthians 12-14. This gifting is for the edification of the Church (1 Corinthians 14:5). It’s usually referred to as tongues and interpretation. When it happens, an individual under the inspiration of the Spirit will burst out loudly in tongues. When they have finished speaking in tongues, the Holy Ghost supernaturally gives another individual the interpretation of those tongues, and they say that interpretation out loud to the entire congregation. So, it’s a highly sacred moment to experience in person. The third type of tongues is sometimes called devotional tongues. But as we will see, it’s probably more accurate to call it praying in the Spirit. This third mode of tongues is the primary focus of this article.

The Relationship Between Praying in the Spirit & Praying in Tongues

Praying in tongues and praying in the Spirit go together like the shell, yoke, and egg. In other words, each element needs the other to be an egg. Prayer is designed to be done in the Spirit, and praying in the Spirit is inseparable from tongues. It all goes together. Indeed, praying in the Spirit plugs us into the power of God.

Prayer is designed to be done in the Spirit, and praying in the Spirit is inseparable from tongues.

Four Levels of Urgent Prayer

I exhort, therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men (1 Timothy 2:1).

In 1 Timothy 2:1, Paul calls Timothy and us to four levels of urgent prayer, saying, “I exhort,” which is a serious word meaning to urge strongly. He continued, “therefore, that, first of all,” emphasizing that what he is about to say is the paramount urgency. Then he listed four levels of prayer: “Supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men.” These four levels of prayer are meant to be interspersed throughout praying in the Spirit with tongues. Together they produce a depth that impacts “all” people – the whole world. Paul insisted that prayer has a supernatural impact on all the people and systems of the world.

For clarity, let’s examine the four levels of prayer a little closer. First, supplication is probably the most familiar level of prayer to the average Christian. It’s our constant, unwavering, repetitive petitioning of God to answer requests or meet needs. This level of prayer is so familiar that our church services have specific times for prayer requests. Sadly, most people stay at this first level without ever moving to the next.

Secondly, Paul mentions “prayers.” The Greek word he used is proseuchomani, a generic word for prayer that carries the connotation of an oratory.[i] Therefore, this kind of prayer includes a lifted voice. It’s also corporate and intended to be done with fellow believers. And while private prayer is undoubtedly biblical, communal prayer is too.

“Intercessions” is the third level of prayer Paul mentions in 1 Timothy 2:1. Intercessory prayer is travail on behalf of another before God. The Greek word enteuxis, translated as “intercession,” means to access with familiarity and freedom, to interrupt with boldness.[ii] Intercessory prayer has the boldness to interrupt a process harming another individual. Those who enter the realm of intercession have liberty and familiarity with God, which produces results.

Fourthly, Paul lists “thanksgivings” as a level of prayer. This can be thought of as praise breaks scattered throughout our interactions with God—prayer without praise profits very little. Praise will often take us to new levels in prayer. It’s good policy to praise God more than we petition God. Why would God answer new requests if we aren’t thankful for what He’s already done? As we give thanks, our faith increases, and we step into the supernatural with greater boldness.

It’s good policy to praise God more than we petition God. Why would God answer new requests if we aren’t thankful for what He’s already done?

Prayer & Supernatural Power to Defeat the Devil

In prayer, we wrestle against “principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12).” A few verses later, Paul describes the kind of prayer that is most effective against these forces of the devil. Not only does he reinforce the concept of prayer “levels,” but he also identifies the fifth level of prayer: Praying in the Spirit. Finally, he says, “Praying always (consistently) with all (using every kind of) prayer and supplication in the Spirit… (Ephesians 6:18).” Praying in the Spirit is powerful to defeat the enemy! Knowing this, we now need to understand what it means to pray in the Spirit.

The Importance of Praying in Tongues

For if I pray in an unknown tongue, my spirit prayeth, but my understanding is unfruitful (1 Corinthians 14:14).

Paul’s teaching is even more explicit here regarding praying in tongues. It is a supernatural depth of praying where the Spirit of God assists us as we pray. Praying in the Spirit ushers us into heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3). Your spirit intercedes in and through the Holy Ghost beyond your earthly ability to pray. Your own spirit prays supernaturally, without understanding, rather than your intellect. You might not know how or even what to pray, but when you are in the Spirit, there is a deep working of the Holy Ghost, empowerment, and a supernatural power between you and God in prayer. The Spirit isn’t controlling your speech but empowers your spirit to pray in the Spirit.

Praying in Tongues for Personal Edification

He that speaketh in an unknown tongue edifieth himself; but he that prophesieth edifieth the church (1 Corinthians 14:4).

The New Living Translation accurately renders “…edifieth himself” as “…is strengthened personally.” Praying in tongues is personal, directed to God. Otherwise, it’s a Divine message to the church requiring interpretation (1 Corinthians 14:2). The “unknown tongue” in 1 Corinthians 14:4 is personal prayer. As with all tongues speech, such prayer is viewed as being “in the Spirit.” A personal strengthening (edification) comes exclusively from praying in the Spirit.

Praying in tongues is personal, directed to God. Otherwise, it’s a Divine message to the church requiring interpretation (1 Corinthians 14:2).

In the Spirit & Speaking in Tongues

What is it then? I will pray with the spirit, and I will pray with the understanding also: I will sing with the spirit, and I will sing with the understanding also (1 Corinthians 14:15).

The King James Version’s rendering of “pray with the spirit” is awkward in two ways: First, “spirit” should be capitalized since it refers to the “Spirit” of God. Secondly, the word with isn’t even a possibility in Greek. Therefore, it should state, “I will pray in the Spirit.” With that understood, Paul again parallels being “in the Spirit” and “speaking in tongues.” Praying in tongues, like all speaking in tongues, is referred to as being “in the Spirit.”

Interestingly, singing in tongues is revealed as a supernatural prayer level of joyous song unto God, not to men. This is precisely the same as the supernatural prayer levels mentioned by Paul in 1 Timothy 2:1 as distinct types of prayer. Paul meant for each of these levels to be intermixed – supplication, prayer, intercession, and thanksgiving with tongues (in the Spirit) and our native language (understanding).

Praying in tongues, like all speaking in tongues, is referred to as being “in the Spirit.”

Groanings: A Deep Level of Intercession

26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:26-27).

Paul, in Romans 8:26-27, introduced a profound aspect of praying in the Spirit. He said, “the Spirit also helpeth (works with) our infirmities (frailties, weaknesses).” Then he gave the reason, “for we know not what we should pray for as we ought.” Perhaps nothing has ever been more accurate. How often do we pray with limited insight or knowledge? We can’t see the big picture. Many times, we don’t even know what the best outcome would be in a difficult situation. But the Spirit knows. Therefore, Paul said, “the Spirit maketh intercession for us (on behalf or in place of).” That intercession bellows from deep inside us as groanings. The English Standard Version says, “with groanings too deep for words.”

Speaking in tongues is God giving the utterance. However, it’s your voice and tongue (Acts 2:4). So, it is with praying in tongues, the Spirit empowers your spirit to pray (1 Corinthians 14:14). The Spirit doesn’t do it alone, but helpeth, or jointly helps, that is, enables us to do what we can’t do! God intercedes for us through tongues and groanings. Not groanings alone, but tongues “with” groanings.

Praying with the Help of the Spirit

To be clear, it’s good to pray with understanding, which means to pray in your native language using your intellect to form meaningful words and sentences. However, a person’s intellect can only take them to a certain point in prayer. Our memories are flawed, our perceptions are skewed, and our comprehension is one-dimensional. We don’t even know exactly which demons have a stronghold in our region. We don’t know which specific powers need to be cast down. But the Spirit knows. We don’t know when an eighteen-wheeler is bearing down on our loved ones in real-time, but the Spirit knows. So, when we pray in the Spirit, the Spirit fills the gaps our weaknesses can’t close.

When we pray in the Spirit, the Spirit fills the gaps our weaknesses can’t close.

Final Thought

The enemy desperately wants to eliminate praying in tongues from every believer’s life. And the reason is apparent. Praying in the Spirit brings a dimension of power into our lives that terrifies Hell. There are pressures from without and within the Church to pray in tongues less often. Resist that pressure with every fiber of your being. Be encouraged. Praying in tongues is not an inferior form of prayer. Rather, praying in tongues is a dimension of prayer that should be sought after and cultivated.

Praying in tongues is not an inferior form of prayer. Rather, praying in tongues is a dimension of prayer that should be sought after and cultivated.

[i] Mounce, William D. (Accordance electronic ed.). OakTree Software, 2011.

[ii] (Revised, Accordance electronic ed.). AMG Publishers, 1993.

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Relationslips (Part 2) with Taylor French – Article + Podcast

Ryan A. French3 Comments

My wife, Taylor, is the most intelligent and intuitive person I’ve ever known. She can read people almost effortlessly without them realizing she’s doing it. Residing deep inside her is a wellspring of observational ability that enables her to know a person’s soul instinctively. More importantly, she fights for good relationships with the tenacity of a soldier. She’s like a relationship ninja. It’s pretty cool. I honestly envy those qualities. And while I do most of the talking in public formats, she is the better communicator in our relationship. We learn from each other, but I think I have more to learn than her. I’ve certainly gleaned new insights talking through this series with her for the last several weeks. And I’m incredibly grateful we’re on life’s journey together.

Get Caught Up

If you’re just now joining the conversation, you can listen to Part 1 of our Relationslips podcast here. If you scroll down, you’ll see a link you can’t miss for Part 2 of this series. Also, here’s a link to the first blog entry in this series. It’s worth looking at that article and reviewing the list of book recommendations. We’ve enjoyed responding to your questions and comments. Feel free to send more our way, and we will respond sometime soon.

 

Passive Aggressors & Energetic Attackers

One common source of relationship friction that causes “slips” is the ongoing war between passive aggressors and energetic attackers. And, of course, Taylor and I are opposites in this area. My natural, carnal, fallen, faulty response to frustrations, anger, feelings of offense, and disappointment is passive aggression. Allow me to define passive-aggressive behavior for those who might be uncertain. Indirect expressions of hostility, including negative attitudes, characterize it. Here are some specific passive-aggressive behaviors I’ve unfortunately struggled to overcome: 1) Resentment and unspoken opposition to demands from others. 2) Procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others’ requests. 3) Cynical, sullen, or quiet hostility to others near me. 4) Masking my frustrations in complaints, sarcasm, humor, or hints and doing just about anything to avoid confrontation, argument, or outright hostility.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are people I’ve dubbed energetic attackers. Taylor falls into this category. So rather than running away from confrontation, she runs towards it. Sometimes she enjoys confrontation (although not always), but regardless, she isn’t afraid of it. She approaches relationship problems aggressively. She likes all the feelings out in the open. She likes to have all the cards on the table and all the soldiers on the battlefield. And although she never intends to attack people, she wants to attack the problem, which does cause some personalities to feel attacked at that moment. While passive-aggressive personalities can arguably be too patient, energetic attackers have little patience. They’re quick to speak their mind and openly push back when frustrated.

It’s easy to see how these drastically different personalities can “trip” each other up. But, as unlikely as it seems, passive aggressors and energetic attackers have traits that can bring balance. For example, Taylor has helped me recognize the value of confronting things in a timely fashion, and I’ve helped her learn the importance of finding the right time for confrontation. Timing is everything when it comes to healthy confrontations in all of our relationships. I naturally lean too passive, and she leans too aggressive. This personality dynamic creates tension in countless families, workplaces, churches, friendships, schools, and leadership teams.

Timing is everything when it comes to healthy confrontations in all of our relationships.

Finding Balance & Seeking Reconciliation (Relationslip Tip #4)

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:21-24, NIV).

The Bible isn’t silent on this issue. Jesus speaks directly to it during the famed sermon on the mount. He began by mentioning an injustice everyone can agree is terribly wrong, murder. Then He swiveled to the topic of anger without even saying whether or not it was justified. Ultimately, Jesus adroitly led the audience to consider how offenses destroy relationships.

Interestingly, when Jesus gave the protocol for dealing with anger, bitterness, insults, and general relational frustrations, He purposefully left a detail out that most of us would want to know. He never mentioned whether He was talking to the offended or the offender. Look at Matthew 5:23 again, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother has something against you.” If I had been in the crowd, my hand would have shot up so I could ask Jesus, “Wait, does this apply if they have something against me because I did something wrong or because they did something wrong to me?” But Jesus didn’t bother to clarify because it didn’t matter. His instructions in the next verse apply regardless of whether I did wrong, they did wrong, or we both did wrong. Any way you slice it, what Jesus said next applies.

I’m taking a tiny bit of liberty with the text and putting it in today’s context. So, you’re at the altar in church when you remember that (for whatever reason) there’s some bad blood between you and so and so. Instead of pretending everything’s fine, or putting it off another second, find that person while your mind is focused on the Lord and make things right as best you can. You might think, but I’m doing something spiritual right now. I can deal with that later. Not so. Jesus told us that our highest priority should be seeking reconciliation if an offense is “slipping” up a relationship. When we go to that person, our main goal is to mend “whatever” it is that caused the rift.

Jesus told us that our highest priority should be seeking reconciliation if an offense is “slipping” up a relationship. When we go to that person, our main goal is to mend “whatever” it is that caused the rift.

Practical Advice Regarding Reconciliation

You might be a passive aggressor, an energetic attacker, or anything in between. Regardless, seeking reconciliation prioritizes people above being right, winning, getting everything you want, or having the final say. A reconciliatory attitude is stripped of pride, arrogance, and selfishness. If peace is possible, reconciliation achieves it. I’ve found that most people welcome reconciliation once they realize how much I value my relationship with them.

Seeking reconciliation prioritizes people above being right, winning, getting everything you want, or having the final say. A reconciliatory attitude is stripped of pride, arrogance, and selfishness.

With that said, here’s some practical advice for leaving your gift on the altar and having the hard reconciliation talk: 1) Calm down before going to that person. This can be especially hard for energetic attackers, but waiting until your emotions are under control is essential. 2) Think the problem through from your side and try your best to see their point of view too. You don’t have to agree with their views, but just putting yourself in their shoes for a little bit can change your perspective. 3) Pray about the situation. Pray for that person, and specifically ask God to help restore that relationship. Seek the Lord for wisdom, self-control, and guidance. 4) Plan a conversation that will bring about peace. A soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1), so prepare your mind to speak with a tone that promotes healing, not anger.

Literalators & Exaggerators

I’m a big-picture guy. Taylor is a detail detective. I’ve learned that when Taylor asks about my day, she doesn’t want an overview; she wants every microscopic detail. I like to ballpark times and numbers. Taylor wants to know the exact milliseconds, pennies, and nanograms. Because I’m a big-picture, ballpark guy, I also tend to exaggerate. Typically, because I genuinely don’t remember the specifics. This can be problematic because if she’s taking everything literally and I’m ballparking, it creates disillusionment and miscommunications.

My father is also an exaggerator, and my mother is a literalator. Dad might say something happened recently that happened a decade ago. He isn’t trying to be dishonest or misleading. He just isn’t super focused on the time aspect of the story. It seems irrelevant to him. My mother can turn a three-minute story into a three-hour treatise on her trip to the grocery store because she feels the need to share every detail, precisely how it happened in real-time. So, you can imagine how literalators and exaggerators might have to work through communication issues and learn to meet in the middle.

Instructing Your Mouth (Relationslip Tip #5)

The heart of the wise instructeth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips (Proverbs 16:23, ASV).

People with wisdom in their hearts teach their mouths what to say, when, and to whom. I don’t enjoy giving specifics, and I wouldn’t say I like being given too many details. But I love my wife; she likes particulars, so I let wisdom instruct my mouth. She knows I don’t always want to hear the extended version of a story, so she allows wisdom to instruct her mouth. This is called relationship maturity. It’s learning how to communicate with others in a way that is meaningful to them. So, when literalators and exaggerators are together, they have to make concessions for each other in their communications.

Learn how to communicate with others in a way that is meaningful to them.

The Constant Thread

A constant thread of truth runs through these relationslip tips: Intentionality. Good relationships take time, energy, effort, care, selflessness, and intentionality. Great marriages don’t happen by accident. Lifetimes of friendship don’t just happen. Tremendous parents don’t just stumble on it. Happy workplaces don’t magically appear from nothing. Church unity doesn’t fall from Heaven on a few super-blessed congregations. No. Every meaningful relationship is fraught with protentional slipping hazards that must be carefully navigated. It can be exhausting; sometimes, we feel like giving up on certain people. But the benefits far outweigh the burdens.

Good relationships take time, energy, effort, care, selflessness, and intentionality.

Related posts:

  1. Relationslips (Part 1) with Taylor French – Article + Podcast
  2. Buried Alive (The Gospel According to the Bible) – Article + Podcast
  3. Oneness Theology, Church History & Where the Church Is Right Now – Podcast Transcript with Dr. Talmadge French
  4. It Filled the House – The Journey from Tabernacle to Temple to Earthen Vessels with Samuel Vaughn (Article + Podcast)
  5. 10 Symptoms of Insecure Leadership (Article + Podcast)
  6. The Death of Reverence
  7. You Can’t Be A Church Leader If…
  8. The Anatomy of a Failure (A Scriptural Survey of Why Sincere Souls Fail God) – Article + Podcast

Relationslips (Part 1) with Taylor French – Article + Podcast

Ryan A. French5 Comments

It’s been so much fun working on this relation “slips” series with my wife, the amazing Taylor. For those who prefer to listen, you can listen to Episode 64 right now. Also, you can read the poem for JJ featured on the episode here. If you’re new to the series, Taylor and I are wading into the murky waters of relationship difficulties because relationship troubles account for most of our daily frustration, strife, and anxiety. It might be between spouses, friends, coworkers, fellow saints, peers, parents, in-laws, children, or siblings. Regardless, slips in those relationships can be really difficult. However, navigating relationships with wisdom goes a long way in producing peace and joy in our daily lives. It also promotes unity (which promotes revival) in our churches.

Navigating relationships with wisdom goes a long way in producing peace and joy in our daily lives. It also promotes unity (which promotes revival) in our churches.

An Occasion to Slip (Romans 14:13)

The Amplified version of Romans 14:13 says this: “…let us no more criticize and blame one another but rather decide and endeavor never to put a stumbling block or an obstacle or a hindrance or an occasion to slip in the way of a brother.” It’s extremely rare for me to criticize the King James Version. However, the KJV translation falls short of the intended meaning in this instance. It renders the beginning of the verse this way: “Let us not, therefore, judge one another anymore…”. Yet, the context of the verse and the intended meaning of the Greek word krinō is more in line with our understanding of the word “criticize” or “disapproval.”

Having a critical spirit rather than a graceful spirit ultimately becomes a slipping hazard to the people around us. Heaping blame and nitpicking endanger the people nearest to us. So, we must make a deliberate effort in all our actions not to create an occasion to slip in the way of others. For a Christian, this should become a daily mindset and priority. This is a crucial aspect of demonstrating the love of Christ.

Get Behind Me, Satan!

But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block [offense, hindrance, snare, obstacle] to Me; for you are not setting your mind on things of God, but on things of man (Matthew 16:23, Amplified Version).”

The context of Jesus’ forceful rebuke against Peter is simple. Jesus had just revealed to his disciples that he would have to suffer and die – something they remained stubbornly unwilling to comprehend – but Peter wouldn’t accept it as true. He argued and tried to convince Jesus otherwise. Which, by the way, likely appealed to Jesus’ humanity. I mean, who wants to suffer and die? We know Jesus wrestled with this because of his prayers in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-56). Peter’s words were becoming a stumbling block, or we might say creating an occasion to slip in Jesus’ path.

I think it’s important to observe that this wasn’t an explosion of temper on Jesus’ part. It was an intentional rebuke designed as an example for everyone. Jesus realized the conversation was becoming dangerous, so he dealt with it immediately. It’s also worth noting that Peter’s intentions weren’t evil. He wasn’t trying to slip Jesus up like the Pharisees or the Sadducees. Peter loved Jesus and wanted what was best for him. Jesus knew that. But he still needed to demonstrate, for everyone’s sake, that you can’t be casual around slipping hazards. Especially spiritual slipping hazards.

Two Relationship Rules

I hate to use the word “rules” because I know it will rub some folks wrong. But rules they are, and they are simple (at least conceptually) yet vital. Christians must follow two rules regarding every relationship: 1) Make every effort not to be a source of slipping or tripping for others. 2) Make every effort not to let others become a source of slipping or tripping for you. These two rules should inform our actions, reactions, conversations, silences, decisions, and indecisions with others. Again, the Christian life is filled with intentionality and deliberation. But every relationship is fraught with intentional and unintentional relationslips that cause painful falls resulting in countless emotional and spiritual bruises. My wife and I have worked together to offer a few slip-proofing tips that are both biblically sound and practical.

Christians must follow two rules regarding every relationship: 1) Make every effort not to be a source of slipping or tripping for others. 2) Make every effort not to let others become a source of slipping or tripping for you.

Pesternators & Procrastinators – Understanding Personalities (Slip-Proofing Tip #1)

On the outside, at least, Taylor and I are complete opposites, and we are proof positive that opposites do attract. But, to be clear, we aren’t opposites regarding the big things like serving God, dedication to ministry, work ethic, love for our kids, and loyalty. Also, we both share quality time as our primary love language (if you haven’t read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, we highly recommend that you do). However, that’s where our similarities end. Taylor’s a major extrovert, and I’m a lifelong introvert. She enjoys talking all day, and I’m quiet and inward. She loves being on the phone, and I have an ongoing fantasy that my phone is lost forever and no replacements are available. She wakes up happy and smiling, and I wake up with all the charm and energy of a tortoise. I can’t imagine wearing a brown belt with black shoes, and I have a lifelong obsession with making sure colors and patterns match. But on the other hand, Taylor believes that all colors and patterns match, and the more, the merrier.

I love our differences. I’m incredibly thankful we’re not the same. Life would be very dull if we were exactly alike. And, for the most part, our differences balance us out. However, at times, our differences create slipping hazards in our relationship. For example, I’m a lifelong procrastinator, and Taylor is a chronic pesternator. You’re probably familiar with a procrastinator. So let me explain a pesternator (our made-up word) first. Put simply. A pesternator is someone who wants things done immediately. It makes them highly effective and immensely productive people. However, one of their predominant weaknesses is impatience. They’re also highly communicative. They resort to pestering if things aren’t getting done as quickly as they’d like. But, of course, they’d be more likely to call it frequent urgent reminders of great importance.

Procrastinators are not necessarily lazy, although pesternators often mistake their delays for laziness. My fellow procrastinators and I simply don’t feel the inner urgency to complete every big and minor task immediately. Instead, we prioritize tasks based on their perceived importance, and we rarely feel the need to finish something that isn’t due for another six months. Pesternators do feel that urgency (almost impulsively). One trait I’ve noticed in procrastinators like myself, we are also perfectionists. Therefore, we don’t like just getting things done in a hurry just to mark them off the list. We want to do it, take our time, think everything through, and do it right. This can be a huge weakness. We often don’t do things we should be doing because we don’t feel we can do them perfectly (like podcasts and blogs).

Procrastinators and pesternators clash daily in homes, workplaces, churches, and schools. Siblings, parents, coworkers, spouses, extended families, students, and colleagues slip one another up because they are wired differently. For example, in our home, we have two procrastinators and two pesternators. My daughter, Julia, and I are procrastinators. And, as you already know, Taylor is a pesternator. Our son, Talmadge, is with Taylor in the pesternator department. So, as you can imagine, the potential for frustration and conflict lurks in the shadows and on To-Do lists. Thankfully Taylor and I entered marriage with another important similarity that I haven’t mentioned yet. We are both fascinated with the study of personalities. And we believe that fascination has helped to slip-proof our relationship. It’s not full-proof, and we’re not perfect, but we believe understanding and appreciating personalities can dramatically help you.

These days, there’s no shortage of free and paid online personality tests you can take. Some aren’t great, but many are very good (we’ve linked several tests and book recommendations at the end of this article). Take several of them for yourself because the first leg in the journey to understanding others is learning about yourself. Be brave enough to face your weaknesses and wise enough to exploit your strengths. Learn what pushes your buttons and why. Before we can interact wisely with others, we must honestly know ourselves. Once you get a grip on your personality, you can determine what makes other personalities tick.

Be brave enough to face your weaknesses and wise enough to exploit your strengths. Learn what pushes your buttons and why. Before we can interact wisely with others, we must honestly know ourselves.

You might think, that’s great, but how does this help my “fill in the blank” relationship? For one thing, you begin to realize that certain people who do certain things that grate on your nerves aren’t purposefully trying to make you go crazy. And, just as significantly, they probably aren’t trying to disrespect or demean you either. So, it’s just two personalities clashing. So, for example, very early in our marriage, Taylor would ask me to do such and such or so and so, and I would absolutely plan to do it, but according to my rambling time frame. Because I hadn’t fully comprehended her personality, I didn’t realize she had an unspoken expectation that I should fulfill that request within 24 hours. To make matters worse, when I didn’t meet that silent expectation, she felt disrespected and unloved. Neither of us wanted to hurt the other, but a lack of understanding created tension. And that lack of understanding stemmed directly from a lack of communication.

F.A.N.O.S. (Slip-Proofing Tip #2)

That’s just one personal example representative of hundreds of relationslips that happen between people all the time. Thankfully, in our case, we were given a tremendous marriage tip that has drastically improved our relationship. The acronym is F.A.N.O.S., which stands for feelings, acknowledgment, needs, ownership, and struggles. So, here’s how it works, you and your spouse agree to talk through F.A.N.O.S. once a day. Pick a time of day that works best for your schedule and stick to it. Make sure to do it daily. It might take you longer to get through it in the beginning, but as time goes by, it won’t take you as long to finish. Take turns expressing the five topics (without interrupting each other).

Begin with “feelings”; this is a general opportunity to communicate how you are feeling right now, about the past 24 hours, and the future. Move to “acknowledgment”; here, you verbalize that you acknowledge (and hopefully appreciate) everything your spouse has done for you, your family, your friends, etc. Remember to acknowledge everything you can think of, even if you don’t feel particularly grateful. And here’s why, as you recognize those things out loud, your appreciation for everything your spouse does will blossom. Remember to take turns and reflect precisely on the past day’s events.

The third topic is “needs,” I’m pausing here to insert that this part of F.A.N.O.S. became the primary solution for our procrastinator vs. pesternator problems I mentioned earlier. The needs category allows you both to communicate… well, your needs for the upcoming day (or further out, depending on the circumstances). Taylor and I realized that this was the best moment for her to tell me precisely what she wants from me (emotionally, spiritually, and physically). Knowing she will have the chance to do the “needs” category of F.A.N.O.S. every day alleviates her impulse to send reminders and requests to me while I’m working, resting, and… well, you get the idea. But that only works when I do my part, pay attention, and set reminders for myself. Also, part of that communication process is learning to set realistic expectations. If, for example, I can’t do something within her desired 24-hour window, I must express that to her. However, I must force the procrastinator in me to commit to a reasonable timeframe (He’s still working on me).

After “needs,” take “ownership” for any failures, wrongdoings, and bad attitudes you might have had since the last F.A.N.O.S. Be sure to apologize and be careful not to pass the blame or make trite excuses. Finally, close out by verbalizing any “struggles” you might be facing, feeling, or anticipating. Full disclosure: Taylor and I have typically already expressed our struggles in the first four categories. But sometimes, that category is extra essential to talk through. I know that F.A.N.O.S. sounds overwhelming if you’re an introvert like myself. And all the mega communicators reading this think it sounds magnificent. But I promise, it helps, and it works. And it doesn’t take very long once you get the hang of it, especially if you do it daily.

Relationships Besides Marriage (Slip-Proofing Tip #3)

Obviously, you can’t do F.A.N.O.S. with your colleagues, bosses, in-laws, friends, or parents. Although, it might be great to do with your kids (at least occasionally). But the principle of learning to communicate your needs, show appreciation, and set expectations while genuinely understanding another person applies to all your ongoing relationships. It’s a fact that most relationslips result from misunderstandings, poor communication, and perceived disrespect. Before jumping to conclusions and getting offended, take some time to try and figure out if the issue is just two distinctive personalities approaching the same situation with vastly different perceptions. Of course, sometimes conflicts are deeper and drastic interventions are required. But you’d be surprised how simply understanding and learning to respect and work intelligently with other people’s differing personalities will slip-proof relationships.

Most relationslips result from misunderstandings, poor communication, and perceived disrespect.

Nobody Likes Being Misunderstood

Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them… (Matthew 7:12).

Jesus’ infamous challenge to treat others how you want to be treated was then, and for many, still is, a revolutionary concept. This commandment seems pretty uncomplicated. And, mostly, it is. However, what are you supposed to do when treating someone how you would like to be treated isn’t how they want to be treated? Perhaps you’re a hugger. Giving and receiving hugs makes you feel loved and appreciated. But someone in your circle of relationships doesn’t like being hugged or even touched, for that matter. You’re showing love the way you want to be loved, but they’re left feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe they will start avoiding you. Not because they don’t like you but because they don’t want a bear hug.

In that kind of situation, the key to obeying Matthew 7:12 is learning to understand other people’s personalities. Nobody likes being misunderstood. You don’t like it when people don’t try to know your likes and dislikes. We all want others to read our body language, pay attention to our signals, and listen to us. And when we’re misread, misunderstood, or ignored, we feel devalued and unimportant. Learning to do what makes others feel valued is the ultimate version of following Matthew 7:12 because that is precisely what we wish others would do for us. When you learn to live this way, the relationship bonus is that as you adjust for others, they will do the same for you. They may never want that bear hug, but they might grow comfortable with a simple, quick hug.

Learning to do what makes others feel valued is the ultimate version of following Matthew 7:12 because that is precisely what we wish others would do for us.

Book, Blog & Podcast Recommendations

If you’re interested in growing and learning how you and those around you tick, this list is a great resource to get you started. Before you browse over them, please don’t feel overwhelmed. You absolutely don’t have to read or listen to all this information to grow in this area. If you’re like me, you’ll want all the info you can possibly study. But if you’re like Taylor, you’re probably thinking, give me one or two good resources I can dig into. And that’s ok. One book, blog, or podcast can make a huge impact. So don’t let the length of this list overwhelm you. With that said, I’ll start this list with the first personality-type book I read as a teenager. It’s still my favorite.

This short book is a classic.
Another LaHaye classic.
Short and simple read.
Another enneagram personality format book.
Tremendous book if you have a hard time saying no, or if your “no” hurts people.
This one is pretty in-depth and intellectual.
This book approaches personality studies from a self-improvement perspective.
Very fun book and comes with a free online personality assessment.
The test on this book is very helpful.
Listening is a lost art and this book helps bring it back.
Another great book on learning to listen, empathize, understand, and relate to others.
Controlling Our Emotional Beast with Ed Snyder (Article + Podcast)
Special Guest Carlton L. Coon Sr. & Book Review of Light in a Dark Place: Encountering Depression
5 Tips for Introverted Leaders
14 Pastoral Leadership Styles & Personalities – Part 1

Related posts:

  1. Relationslips (Part 2) with Taylor French – Article + Podcast
  2. Oneness Theology, Church History & Where the Church Is Right Now – Podcast Transcript with Dr. Talmadge French
  3. 14 Pastoral Leadership Styles & Personalities – Part 1
  4. Our God Is One with Dr. Talmadge French (Article + Podcast)
  5. Your Questions Answered (Article + Podcast)
  6. Radically Apostolic! with Charles G. Robinette (Article + Podcast)
  7. Controlling Our Emotional Beast with Ed Snyder (Article + Podcast)
  8. 10 Symptoms of Insecure Leadership (Article + Podcast)

Choices – A Poem

Ryan A. French 
Choices are fragile, necessary things.
Tantalizing, agonizing little things.
Brimming with endless possibilities. 
Accoutrement laced anticipations. 
Funneling into careless cessations. 

The question is asked, “Which way should we go?”
The question echoes, “Does anyone know?”
Arrogance answers, “Just enjoy the show.”
Ignorance answers, “There’s no way to know!”
Malevolence answers, “Don’t rock the boat!”

Yet, choices are tenacious little things.
Creeping through our minds even while we sleep.
Twisting and tunneling deep in our souls. 
Every action straddled with reactions.
Consequences lurk beneath distractions.

They ask, “Is day any different than night?”
I believe that shadows prove the sunshine.
My friend, the sun still burns with fervent light.
The night knows it has but a little time.
And choices we make determine that time.

Related posts:

  1. Oneness Theology, Church History & Where the Church Is Right Now – Podcast Transcript with Dr. Talmadge French
  2. Your Questions Answered (Article + Podcast)
  3. The Anatomy of a Failure (A Scriptural Survey of Why Sincere Souls Fail God) – Article + Podcast
  4. Should Christians Drink Alcohol?
  5. Mass Killings and the Question of Evil
  6. Controlling Our Emotional Beast with Ed Snyder (Article + Podcast)
  7. What’s the Difference Between Godly Sorrow & Worldly Sorrow
  8. The Gates of Hell – A Poem

What’s the Difference Between Godly Sorrow & Worldly Sorrow

Ryan A. French

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of but the sorrow of the world worketh death (2 Corinthians 7:10).

The Difference Makes the Difference

In his second letter to the church at Corinth, the apostle Paul begins chapter seven by launching into a lengthy discussion about how to “perfect holiness” by “cleansing ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit (2 Corinthians 7:1)”. Inevitably, this dovetailed into a unique perspective on sorrow and repentance. Paul describes (and we’ll look closer at it in a moment) the difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow. It’s a vitally important distinction because one leads to spiritual death and the other to salvation. The difference makes the difference. We’ve all got to get this one right.

Called to Stop Sinning

The Bible teaches us that the Church is a called-out assembly. God has called us out of sin, and God has called us into holiness. We are supposed to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). That standard is very high because God is supremely holy. You might be thinking that it is impossible to be sinless. And in a way, you’re right. However, the New Testament reminds us repeatedly that we are to be without sin (holiness). In fact, 1 John 2:1 pauses and says, “Stop sinning. Just stop it!”

My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not… (1 John 2:1).

If you take the Bible and boil it down to its essence, the central theme is God’s grand plan to get humanity from sinfulness to sinlessness.

Our Response to Sin is the Key

It’s easy to start sinning, but it’s hard to stop. That’s basically been humanity’s problem from the beginning. For most people, defining what is and isn’t sin is problematic. Sin is so pervasive and normal that we don’t feel horrified by it. And if we don’t feel horrified by sin, we don’t think of it as all that bad. My struggles with sin have taught me that sin’s grip is hard to break. If you’re human, you have your own stories and struggles with sin too. I also know how enticing sin can be from the countless hours I’ve spent trying to help others find deliverance from every sin you can imagine. I’ve noticed through the years that the real issue isn’t that we have sinned (because we have) or if we will sin (because we will).

The question that matters is, what will we do with our sin? How we respond to sin usually helps us stop or causes us to keep on sinning. Godly sorrow over sin produces genuine repentance, which allows the Holy Spirit to step in and empower us. Worldly sorrow leads to lackadaisical repentance, which only perpetuates sin in our lives. Worldly sorrow produces a self-sustaining cycle of sinfulness. Before highlighting the vital differences between godly and worldly sorrow, we must clear up an apparent contradiction in the Bible.

Does God Cleanse Us, or Do We Cleanse Ourselves?

Sin is a stain on our lives. God desires to present to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing (Ephesians 5:27). God is deadly serious about His church being holy and without blemish (Ephesians 5:27). That’s why we’re all in such desperate need of the blood of Jesus. Only His blood cleanses all the stains of sin. But do we cleanse ourselves, or does Jesus cleanse us? The passages below might be a little confusing at first glance.

…let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God (2 Corinthians 7:1).

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

To answer this question, we need to identify the context of these two verses. In the previous chapter, Paul clarifies his target audience, “for ye are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16).” Clearly, Paul is talking about repentance to people who have already obeyed the Gospel and are in the Church. He’s referring to the ongoing process of sanctification (holiness), which requires continued repentance. We must skip forward to pinpoint John’s intended audience:

These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God (1 John 5:13).

So, it’s clear that John is writing about the initial salvation experience, when we first take ownership of our sinfulness, leading to repentance and obeying the Gospel. At that moment, God covers us with His blood.

God’s Role & Our Responsibility

At salvation, something compelling happens; when we repent, our sins are forgiven (1 John 1:9); at baptism, our sins are remitted (Acts 2:38); at the infilling of the Holy Ghost, we are empowered (Acts 1:8). God did the cleansing work at Calvary, and we stepped into that cleansing flow via obedience. However, regarding our continued walk with God, 2 Corinthians 7:1 clarifies that we must “cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.” In other words, God does the initial work. Then He expects us to put some effort into the process from that moment forward. To be sure, His Spirit comes inside to help lead, guide, comfort, correct, convict, strengthen, and encourage us along the way. But the infilling of the Spirit doesn’t remove our free will. After salvation, God expects us to exercise an often-overlooked fruit of the Spirit – self-control (Galatians 5:23).

Sometimes I hear church folks say, “if only God would give me the power over this ____ sin.” But God has already given us His Spirit. He’s already cleansed us. So now we must cleanse ourselves daily. If we’re not careful, we’ll use God as an excuse for our continued sin. God cleanses us first, and then we are responsible for walking in that cleansing. That’s the process of sanctification or holiness. In answer to the original question: Does God cleanse us, or do we cleanse ourselves? The answer is that God does the major cleanse first, and then we step in and do minor cleansing as we continue our walk with the Lord.

A Simple Illustration

A simple, albeit imperfect illustration, may help clarify this concept. Roughly once a month, I take our family SUV to a full-service carwash. They detail our vehicle inside and out. I do that because they have the equipment, chemicals, and expertise that allow them to do a thorough cleaning that I’m not capable of doing. It’s almost like having a new vehicle when they get done. I didn’t do the cleansing. They did. But if I eat a bagel in the car and crumbs fall everywhere, I must clean that mess myself. Otherwise, I’ve wasted my time and money on that professional cleaning job. They cleaned it first in ways I can’t do alone. But I still have a responsibility to keep it clean. In much the same way, that’s how walking in holiness works.

Problems in the Corinthian Church

In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthian church, he is very forthright with them. The church was super messed up with big-time problems and significant sin issues. For example, a young man was having an affair with his father’s wife (1 Corinthians 5:1). Even more revolting, rather than the church being grieved. They laughed about the situation like it was a joke (1 Corinthians 5:2). Paul was so angry that he demanded that if the guy refused to repent, they should turn him over to Satan for the destruction of his flesh (1 Corinthians 5:5). That leaven of malice and wickedness would destroy the whole church if they didn’t deal with it correctly (1 Corinthians 5:7-8). All this background is essential because we can now understand 2 Corinthians 7:8-11 and answer the question: What’s the difference between godly and worldly sorrow?

I’m Not Sorry That I Made You Repent

8 For though I made you sorry with a letter, I do not repent, though I did repent: for I perceive that the same epistle hath made you sorry, though it were but for a season. 9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance… (2 Corinthians 7:8-9).

In the above verses, Paul was trying to let the church know that his first letter (1 Corinthians), with its strong rebuke, was not intended to make them feel sorry but was a call to repentance.

…for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. 10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of… (2 Corinthians 7:9-10).

In other words, when you have godly sorrow. It leads to godly repentance, and you don’t have to confess the same sin repeatedly.

…but the sorrow of the world worketh death. 11 For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things, ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter (2 Corinthians 7:10-11).

The Contrast

In his unique way, Paul carefully contrasts these two types of sorrow. They both lead to outward repentance, but only one is genuine. The result of godly sorrow is a change in behavior and attitude. But worldly sorrow brings death. It certainly brings spiritual death, but in the immediate, it might mean the death of a marriage, a friendship, victory, blessings, spiritual power, or family relationships. Tragically, in extreme cases, it could culminate in an untimely physical death because of sin.

For All That Is in the World

Anything derived from the world is compromised, “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world (1 John 2:16).” Worldly sorrow is derived from either the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, or the pride of life. So, for example, a person might feel sorrow for their sin because of the pain it produces. They feel that pain in their flesh, and that pain can be intense. It’s real! Emotional and physical pain caused by sin can become unbearable at times. And many people assume the remorse they feel because of their agony is genuine repentance. But if that remorse is a temporary emotion birthed from pain, it’s not godly sorrow.

A second kind of worldly sorrow results from the lust of the eyes. People can be sorry because they see how sin has impacted their life; lost loved ones, broken relationships, wasted moments, embarrassments, and failures. Their kingdom might be crumbling before their eyes like a slow-motion nightmare. Consequences that used to seem so unlikely and distant come crashing into focus. They might think, “I’m going to lose my wife, kids, or job.” But ultimately, their focus is on their kingdom. Many people feel this kind of worldly sorrow and confuse it for genuine repentance. But true repentance is not self-centered. It’s God-centered.

Thirdly, the pride of life produces another type of worldly sorrow. People may feel sorry because they are embarrassed that people can see their sins. They see their reputation going down the drain, their influence waning, or they feel disliked. Perhaps they want to be viewed in a more positive light. But the critical issue is their name. Again, the sorrow is selfishly motivated. Therefore, the resulting repentance is only skin deep.

Me, Myself & I

Worldly sorrow always brings the focus on me. It’s all about my feelings. My pain. My reputation. My happiness. But godly sorrow focuses on the fact that my sin has grieved God and others. Ephesians 4:30 warns us not to “grieve” the Holy Spirit. Godly sorrow is acutely aware that my sin has grieved the Holy Spirit. Godly sorrow isn’t just sorry because of sin’s consequences on my kingdom. It’s more concerned with God’s Kingdom. Godly sorrow isn’t worried about the reproach that I brought on my name but with the reproach that I brought on God’s name. As the prophet Nathan said to David after his horrific sin with Bathsheba, “You have brought great occasion to the enemies of the lord to blaspheme his name (2 Samuel 12:14).” Nathan was more concerned with how David’s sin would impact the world’s understanding of God than he was with king David’s reputation.

Seven Characteristics of Godly Sorrow

Paul doesn’t leave us with a nebulous definition of godly sorrow. 2 Corinthians 7:11 describes what godly repentance looks like in action. He lists seven things that accompany godly sorrow. Numbers are significant in the Bible, and the number seven represents completion and perfection. Therefore, it could be said that these seven things signify complete and perfect repentance.

1. Carefulness

Carelessness leads to sinfulness. A careful person is full of care, caution, and intentionality. Godly sorrow produces carefulness where casualness once reigned supreme. Decisions are weighed out and made thoughtfully. Every action is measured according to the Word of God. Godly sorrow refuses to blame sin on ignorance, incompetence, recklessness, or inattention to detail.

2. Clearing of Yourself

Godly sorrow doesn’t make excuses. It doesn’t blame other people or circumstances for sin. There’s no hiding, covering, manipulating, shifting, or maneuvering of responsibility. Worldly sorrow keeps things hidden and harbors secret sins and motives behind closed doors. Godly sorrow seeks to clear the air and clean the conscience. It thrives on transparency and always advocates for the truth to be displayed.

3. Indignation

Godly sorrow recoils at the thought of past sins. Old lifestyles aren’t viewed as the “good old days.” It doesn’t laugh at sin or find it entertaining. Carnal things that used to seem euphoric become repulsive. The thought of sin and evil produces anger, indignation, and disgust. Godly sorrow views sin as a vile thing to be detested. It doesn’t despise sinners, but it does hate sin. In much the same way as you would hate cancer while loving a cancer patient.

4. Fear

I’m always nervous when someone repents of a particular sin and says, “I know I’ll never do that again.” I’d much rather someone say, “I’m going to take every precaution possible to make sure I never fall into that sin again because I’m afraid of going back to that terrible thing.” You will take godly precautions when you have a healthy fear of a possibility. Furthermore, a little fear of the Lord is a good thing.

5. Vehement Desire

Godly sorrow is fueled by a fervent desire to serve God and avoid sin. Vehement means to show strong feelings. It’s forceful, passionate, urgent, and intense. It isn’t mellow, mild, or casual. Godly sorrow recognizes the seriousness of sin and its desperate dependence upon the Holy Spirit.

6. Zeal

The Greek word for zeal is spoudē, found twelve times in the New Testament. The primary meaning of zeal is “haste” or “diligence.” Meaning diligence in the sense of “earnest zeal.” It’s always used in the context of living out godly lives.[i] The idea is that godliness takes ongoing work and tenacious effort.  

7. Revenge

When godly sorrow is in play, everything in your being wishes you could return and fix the things sin has taken from you. So, in a certain sense, you are looking for revenge against the enemy of your soul. That’s why brand-new saints often get so on fire for God. They are avenging what the enemy stole from them when they were under the bondage of sin. Godly sorrow never looks longingly back toward Egyptian taskmasters.

Final Thoughts

It’s not hard to receive the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in other tongues. But if you’ve been around an Apostolic church for a while, you’ve probably noticed that some people seek the Holy Ghost for weeks or even months without being filled. The apostle Peter didn’t say, “repent and be baptized, and you might receive the Holy Ghost (Acts 2:38).” He said, “you shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost (Acts 2:38).” My experience has taught me that many people struggling to receive the Spirit are actually struggling with repentance. They might be sorrowful and going through the motions of repentance, but their sorrow is worldly and does not lead to life. Gently and lovingly, helping them to decipher the difference between godly and worldly sorrow can lead them to the breakthrough they need.

[i] Renn, Stephen D., ed. Expository Dictionary of Bible Words. Peabody: Hendrickson, 2005.

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The Inversion – A Poem

Ryan A. French 
God is nothing, they say
 Just imaginary games 
  Yet morality, they claim
    Forgetting their context
Ignoring histories flame
 Hanging by thin threads
  To ever-waning grace 
Blind to the inversion
 Holding conversions
  Creating diversions
   They know not their place 

Goodness without God
 Like moths to acrid flame
  Digging for diamond truths
   Yet never making gains
Ignoring perversions  
 Reality gone
  Almost without a trace
Lost in oblivion
 No equilibrium 
  Willful delirium
   From grace to disgrace

Philosophy flipped aside
 Lost on the rising tide
  Grasping for hope inside 
   But hope is not within
It rides like winter wind 
 From Heaven above
  Sometimes fire, sometimes rain
Holy convocations
 Sacred invocations
  Life reawakened 
   From death to God’s face

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  2. What About Hell? – Everything You Need to Know (Article + Podcast)
  3. Our God Is One with Dr. Talmadge French (Article + Podcast)
  4. Buried Alive (The Gospel According to the Bible) – Article + Podcast
  5. Oneness Theology, Church History & Where the Church Is Right Now – Podcast Transcript with Dr. Talmadge French
  6. Should Christians Drink Alcohol?
  7. COVID Carnality (The Cause & Cure)
  8. The Gates of Hell – A Poem