4 Problems Preacher’s Kids Face

If you’re a preacher, a preacher’s kid, or someone who loves the ministry and wants to be sensitive to their needs, this article is for you.

Today is my son’s seventh birthday and he loves the Lord and Legos very much. I think his love hierarchy is Jesus, his mommy, his sister, and his Legos. I trail those things by a small but pronounced margin. On a sappy parental note; I love his toothy grin, his high pitched (and very frequent) laughter, his sensitive heart, and his never-ending questions that leave me scratching my gradually balding head.

My son has the distinction of being a second-generation preacher’s kid and a fifth-generation Apostolic Pentecostal. He’s got a pretty stalwart legacy of faith behind his little Lego littered life. He’s too young to really feel the pressures of being a PK but with every passing birthday I know he’s getting a little closer to feeling that burden.

My nine-year-old daughter is just starting to show the telltale signs of the PK pressure. I recognize them easily because I faced them myself. Sometimes they’re subtle and sometimes they’re manifested dramatically. Even before having kids of my own I’ve had a heart for PK’s. I’ve been privileged to speak at several PK seminars over the years, and listening to their stories takes me right back to my childhood faster than Odyssey’s Imagination Station (if you don’t know what that means, do yourself a favor and look it up).

I would never minimize the challenges that every child faces. Certainly, these are challenging times for children in general. It’s also true that being born into a preacher’s home is a tremendous privilege with certain built-in advantages. Having said that, there are unique difficulties and problems that are specific to PK’s. In the hopes of helping, or at the very least drawing some awareness to the issues, I am listing a few common PK problems below.

1. Extreme Feelings of Loneliness & Isolation: Because there are so few peers that can relate to the unique challenges of the ministry lifestyle, PK’s often feel lonely and isolated. They suffer in silence and deal with a lot of unresolved emotional tension. They usually feel ashamed to voice these feelings to their parents because they genuinely don’t want to hurt them or sound harsh towards the things of God they cherish so deeply.

2. Bitterness Towards Saints: PK’s parents are incredibly busy. Ministry isn’t something you can just turn off or punch a time clock and be done with. Saints often don’t realize that the ten minutes you just spent on the phone with them is just one of a series of hundreds of ten-minute phone calls that interrupted yet another family moment. Not to mention all the mandatory church events, bi-vocational ministry homes, impromptu counseling sessions, mountains of prayerful study time that sequesters preachers away from their families, meetings, administrative work, conferences, ministry-related travel, the business of life in general, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Also, pastor’s wives are unpaid workers with heavy loads of responsibility. They labor alongside their husbands, and although they are technically not on staff they shoulder an immense amount of time-consuming work. All of this can leave a PK feeling like everyone else is more important than them. Every need is more urgent than their need. Every crisis trumps their crisis. So, they retreat and grow bitter (or jealous) towards the people (or the church in general) who constantly pull mommy and daddy away. If left unresolved, those feelings can morph into bitterness towards mom and dad.

It’s not uncommon for kids to feel a level of bitterness towards their parent’s job responsibilities because it keeps them busy and away from home, but when a child starts feeling that way about the place they are supposed to go for spiritual nourishment real dangers are lurking.

3. They See the Ugly Underbelly: No matter how much their parents try to shield PK’s from the worst aspects of a church it is impossible to keep it all neatly hidden in a drawer. PK’s see their parents attacked by saints and sinners alike. They see their parents disrespected by people they thought were respectable, and they have a front row seat to the tragic showing of every backslider’s decline. Sadly, disgruntled saints will sometimes try to use a PK to get at their parents or cause a church rift. This is disgusting at best but not unusual.

PK’s see their parents at their highest high’s and their lowest low’s. They see Elijah calling fire from heaven and they see him running from Jezebel too. These are hard scenarios for a child to process and still love their church family like they should. Others may only see the public displays of respect for ministry, but PK’s see the ugly moments when the masks come off.

4. Unrealistic Expectations: PK’s live under a different set of expectations than most kids. And it can go from one extreme to the other. On the one hand, many people stereotype PK’s as being trouble makers, spoiled rotten, or bratty. On the other hand, many people expect PK’s to bypass their childhood completely and act like miniature perfectly mannered adults. PK’s live in a glass house where their every move is under the watching eye of curious people. Everything they and their parents do is highly visible and scrutinized. The feeling of constantly being under a microscope can devolve into spiritual and emotional suffocation.

Some PK’s live under the overwhelming pressure to grow up and be in the ministry just like their parents. I’ll never forget, I was all of eleven years old when someone very seriously asked if I knew Greek and Hebrew like my father.

To complicate things even further, if PK’s do feel called to the ministry they face the all-too-familiar critical eye of a watching crowd. Will they be more anointed than their parents or less anointed than their parents? Will they be as talented as their parents or less talented than their parents? Some PK’s balk at the emotional reality that some shoes just seem too big to fill.

Preacher’s Kids Are People Too. Bottom line, kids are kids. Preacher’s kids must learn, grow, laugh, cry, win, lose, fall, and get up just like every other kid. They have strengths and weaknesses. They have unique talents and special abilities distinct to them and them alone. Some are called to pastoral ministry while others are not. They are not puppets to be used in a sacrilegious game of tug-of-war. They have peculiar challenges and special advantages at the same time. Saints that love the ministry will love PK’s with grace, sensitivity, and understanding. And yes, your pastor and his wife will appreciate it more than words can express.

Final Note: For those that might be wondering, as far as I can tell no one in my church has ever been anything but sweet to my children. I truly appreciate the kindness and consideration that Apostolic Tabernacle shows my children on a regular basis.

Apostolic Voices’s Most Underrated Articles

It’s very difficult to gauge how much attention an article will receive on this forum. Fortunately, I don’t write with that in mind. Because time is a precious commodity, I only write about things I’m feeling passionate about at the moment. Sometimes it resonates with others and sometimes it doesn’t. However, I have compiled a unique list of the 17 most underrated articles posted on this blog. Articles that I think deserve far more attention than they have received. I hope you’ll give these articles a second look.

My weight loss journey, godly parenting, church growth, personal holiness, navigating the dangers of ministry, neglecting prayer, ISIS, the hypocrisy of Hollywood, coping with a terrible trial, and good decision making are covered in the articles below. I am incredibly humbled by each of you who support this ministry by simply reading and sharing. God bless.













The Continuing Legacy of a Father

This past Father’s Day I enjoyed celebrating fatherhood with my family. I love being a father; I love all that it involves, every nuance that it brings to life. And yet I worry, I worry about the culture that my children will face; I worry about subtle influences that gently creep into young hearts. You see, I’m fourth generation Apostolic, statistics tell me that my children will likely not fall in love with Truth.  I’ve always hated math anyway, so I’ve chosen to reject what the data tells me, and do everything in my power to see that my children serve God. 

The Scriptures are filled with fatherly role models, and we find some not so great examples as well. David, the sensitive poet, described as “a man after God’s own heart,” was a good king and a terrific military leader but not the best father.  The life and faith of Abraham, God’s friend and father of a nation leaves us with many good lessons. Others, like Isaac and Jacob, had mixed success as fathers.  The New Testament is remarkably void of fatherly details.  In fact, some of the stronger dads in the Bible were obscure and minor characters in Scripture. Others were obedient to God in their own time but failed completely to pass their faith on to their families. 

Allow me to remind you of a godly father who encourages me to believe that my children and my children’s children can indeed serve God. You may have forgotten about Jonadab, his story is so briefly told in Scripture. We first read about Jonadab the son of Rechab in II Kings chapter 15 when Jehu the 11th king of Israel made an alliance with Jonadab to destroy the followers of Baal.  King Jehu knew that Jonadab was zealous for God and an influential man. Together they successfully completed what the prophet Elijah had begun.  They destroyed all the worshippers of Baal. So complete was this destruction that the pagan worship of Baal (which sometimes included parents sacrificing their own children) was wiped out in Israel, and the temple of Baal was torn down and made into a garbage dump. 

We don’t know a lot about Jonadab’s life or his style of parenting but we do know that when it was time to take a stand, he took a stand.  When it was time to choose a side, he chose the Lord’s side.  When he became a father, he chose to BE a father.  He wasn’t anxiously waiting for his children to turn 18 so that he could be free of his parental responsibilities. He understood that fatherhood is a lifelong commitment. He also understood that the spiritual well-being of his children was just as important as the physical well-being of his children. 

In great wisdom Jonadab commanded his children to abstain from wine and strong drink. He warned them to dwell in tents and not buy houses. He asked them not to plant vineyards or to buy fields and plant seeds. Jonadab set standards to preserve his family BOTH physically and spiritually. Some of his guidelines sound unreasonable to us even today. But he wanted to insure that his family could survive the changes in Israel that would come when the nation was destroyed. He took measures that would permanently set them apart. They were to live differently than those around them. They were to maintain moral purity. He didn’t want them to get too comfortable in a dangerous place. 

Most people today would say that he was old fashioned and behind the times when, in reality, he was ahead of the times.  He was preparing his family for the tragedy that was coming to Israel in a few short years. Many other families didn’t survive because they had been living the “good life.” But Jonadab’s family survived pagan invasion after murderous invasion because they listened to their father.

How could he know that these things were going to happen in the near future? He knew by faith because he believed the words of the prophets who were speaking into his life. Several prophets had predicting the destruction of Israel. Elijah had predicted the complete destruction of the family of Ahab and Jezebel. Perhaps Jonadab was a little boy on Mt. Carmel when Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal. Maybe he saw the fire of God fall. Maybe he witnessed the prophets of Baal fall on their faces and cry, “The Lord, He is God!” He would only need to see a miracle like that ONCE to know that Baal was a defeated god. Again, it was Elijah who prophesied that Jehu would be king of Israel. Somehow Jonadab instilled a RESPECT in his family’s heart for men of God and the WORD of God. Even after his death he left a continuing legacy of RESPECT. 

While other dads were allowing their families to worship God and Baal at the same time, Jonadab remained zealous for the one true God. When everyone else had accepted that Baal worship was a necessary evil, Jonadab said, “NOT SO!” I wonder if Jonadab remembered Joshua’s powerful declaration, “…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” when he agreed to risk his life taking a stand against the worshippers of Baal? He centered his family’s life around God’s word. But none of this would have made any difference if he had not been consistent in his private life.  Our families notice our inconsistencies and sense our secret sins. Faith, faithfulness, greatness, integrity, strength of character, and moral purity are things we learn by example and not by decree.

After II Kings chapter 15 it is almost three hundred years after Jonadab’s death before his name is mentioned again. Judah is in great turmoil. Idolatry is everywhere. Jerusalem is about to be captured, destroyed and plundered by the Babylonians.  Thousands of Israelites are about to endure the humiliation of captivity in Babylon. The prophet Jeremiah had been pleading with Judah for almost 40 years to turn from their sin and unbelief. When suddenly in the middle of all this chaos God spoke to Jeremiah and said, “Go find the descendants of Jonadab.” God told Jeremiah to test Jonadab’s legacy. They gathered his descendants together gave them jugs of wine and invited them to have a drink. That’s when something truly astonishing happened. They refused. “No,” they said, “we will not drink wine, our ancestor Jonadab son of Rechab gave us this command: ‘You and your descendants must never drink wine. And do not build houses or plant crops or vineyards, but always live in tents. If you follow these commands, you will live long, good lives in the land.’ So we have obeyed him in all these things. We have never had a drink of wine to this day, nor have our wives, our sons, or our daughters. We haven’t built houses or owned vineyards or farms or planted crops. We have lived in tents and have fully obeyed all the commands of our forefather.”

Almost 300 years after his death Jonadab’s children were still benefiting from his wisdom. He left a continuing legacy. The obedience of six generations was based on one man’s faithfulness. In Jeremiah 35:19, we see one of the most extraordinary promises given to a father and his family in the entire Bible. The word of the Lord came to Jeremiah and rewarded the faithfulness and obedience of Jonadab and his descendants, saying, “Jonadab, the son of Rechab, shall not lack a man to stand before me forever.”  Jonadab even after his death was promised that he would always have descendants serving God.  

This means that somewhere in our world today a descendant of Jonadab still survives and serves the Lord. This promise from God is more valuable than power, fame, wealth, health, comfort, looks, intelligence, or any of the things that we pray our children will have. The legacy of Jonadab stands as a shining example that faith, moral purity, values, standards, and families can remain strong from generation to generation. 




5 Areas Where Godly Fathers Should Shine

With Father’s Day quickly approaching I have taken time to pause and consider the importance of fatherhood.  No one could ever deny the irreplaceable role that mother’s play in the lives of children, but in a culture where fathers are increasingly absent, minimized, and criticized it would do us well to consider a few areas where godly fathers should shine.

  1. Dads must cherish their wives (Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25).

Our children are watching and taking notes on how we fathers treat their mothers.  Sons will emulate us and daughters often derive their self-perceptions by watching how you value the most important woman in your life. 

  1. Dads must spend time with their children (Ephesians 6:1-4).

There is no substitute for time spent with our children.  We forfeit influence in our children’s lives when we fail to spend time with them.  Make memories and teach life lessons while you can because if you don’t someone else (who likely doesn’t share your values) will.

  1. Dads must raise their children to serve the Lord (Proverbs 22:6, Deuteronomy 6:1-9).

It’s alarming how many Christian parents I’ve heard saying things like, “I don’t want to force my beliefs on my children.”  Be assured that every other religious and cultural force is working overtime to capture the hearts and minds of your children.  Scripture is clear in telling us that godly parents are mandated to raise their children to serve the Lord.  As a shining example for all future father’s Joshua famously declared, “…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15).”  A further point in this subject needs to be stressed because it is vital to the spiritual success of our children; the Christian faith must be taught and taught well.  A “just do as I say and be quiet” parenting style will alienate our children and push them away from God, which leads nicely to point number four.

  1. Dads must be patient teachers (Ephesians 6:4, 2 Timothy 3:14-15).

Children are going to make mistakes and mess up and they will require godly patience from their fathers if they are going to flourish.  Remember, the greatest lesson that we ever teach our children will be the daily example that we set and not the words that we say.

  1. Dads must be fair disciplinarians (Proverbs 13:24; 23:13-14).

Fathers who fail to lovingly and fairly discipline their children will live to regret the outcome.  To be a thoughtful and fair disciplinarian takes time, energy, and self-control.  Take caution not to discipline in anger but rather discipline in love.

Don’t Play Past The Bike (Common Sense Theology)

Recently my 4-year-old son was happily playing outside when I noticed that he had drifted down to the end of our driveway precariously close to the road. Hastily, I ran to him full of worry induced anger, and loudly reminded him that he is not allowed to play near the road. During my lecture, I noticed that his bike was conveniently located about halfway down the driveway between the house and the road.  In a moment of inspiration, I yelled, “Bubs, don’t play past the bike!” I repeated myself several times for emphasis and stepped away confident that he would stay on the right side of the bike, safely away from the dangers of the road. Not more than five minutes passed before I checked on him a second time and was shocked to see him standing at the edge of the driveway yet again. Frustrated that he had ignored my instructions and fearing for his safety I yelled, “Son, what do you think you are doing?  I said not to play past the bike.” He looked at me with big, innocent eyes and said defensively, “Daddy, I didn’t play past the bike!” It was then I noticed that technically, he had not played past the bike. Rather, he had cleverly moved it to the road keeping it in front of him the whole time.

My son had found what he thought to be an acceptable loophole in the system. In his mind, he had found a clever plan to get his way and keep me happy too. At the very least, he hoped to avoid getting in big trouble. I appeared to be the mean Daddy who didn’t want him to have any fun. But he forgot that there was a very important reason for the bike boundary; safety. My responsibility as a parent is to keep him safe first and happy second.

Like my son, we too try to cleverly move the boundaries that God has placed in our lives. We don’t want to be in direct defiance against God so we passively aggressively pick up the boundaries and carry them with us right into the very danger zone that God was trying to keep us from entering in the first place. It’s important to remember that God loves us (Click to read 7 Inspiring Verses About God’s Love For Us). When God places boundaries in our lives He does it out of love. When God tells us to forgive our enemies (Matthew 5:44, Romans 12:17-21) it’s not meant to harm us; God knows that hatred and bitterness are cancers that will destroy our lives. When God commands us not to commit adultery (1 Corinthians 6:9, Matthew 5:27-28) and to maintain moral purity (Click to read 55 Verses About Moral Purity) He is not trying to keep us from happiness; He knows that immorality produces great heartache and faithfulness and commitment bring a lifetime of joy.Most of the time we know deep down that moving the landmark isn’t ok, but we do it anyway hoping that God won’t notice our disobedience. As we move into a new year let’s commit to obeying the voice of God rather than playing around with technicalities and looking for clever loopholes. Let’s remember the biblical admonition, “Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set (Proverbs 22:28).”