How to Hurt Your Pastor

Most people don’t intentionally try to hurt their pastor. Of course, there are exceptions to that rule. However, there are subtle ways that people carelessly or inadvertently bruise their pastor. If you love your pastor and want to create a climate of revival and respect you will do your best to avoid the items listed below. Let’s dive in.

Tell him he only works on Sundays (or something to that effect). Most people say this jokingly not realizing how terribly insulting they’re being. The typical pastor is massively overworked and understaffed. Studies show that huge numbers of pastors leave the ministry because of burnout and exhaustion. Pastors often work seven days a week and have very little “off the grid” time. There’s no such thing as a definite “day off” in ministry.

Insinuate he makes too much money. First, you should want your pastor to be financially blessed (1 Timothy 5:17-18, 1 Corinthians 9:9-14, Romans 4:4, Acts 6:2). If you don’t, there’s a deeper issue at play. I realize that shyster preachers and TV charlatans have tainted the waters and made people wary, but a godly pastor deserves to be compensated reasonably well.

The average pastor struggles financially. The percentage of wealthy pastors is almost microscopic. Most pastors could make a far better living in the secular workplace. When a person insinuates their pastor is overpaid they are being hurtful in three major ways. One, if their pastor is struggling financially it tells him he will always be struggling financially if this saint has anything to say about it. Two, it demonstrates a lack of respect and appreciation for the work of the ministry. Three, it exposes a mindset that is undervaluing the worth of pastoral ministry.

Refuse to tithe. There is a curious trend that most pastors notice but rarely mention out loud; people who fail to tithe are often the most demanding people in the church. They want more programs, more individual attention, and more costly improvements than the average member. Now, good pastors aren’t in ministry for the money, but being in the ministry doesn’t mean you suddenly don’t need to make a living. Refusing to tithe doesn’t just harm the church it harms the pastor’s ability to provide for his family.

Disregard, disrespect, or mistreat the pastor’s family. Some people will do things to the family that they would never do directly to the pastor. Staggering inconsiderateness or blatant confrontational unkind behavior, when directed towards the family, ultimately harms the pastor. And it’s just plain wrong.

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Compare him to other preachers. Constantly comparing your pastor to another pastor or a celebrity preacher who probably doesn’t even know who you are is soul crushing to him. Your pastor is not just a preacher he is your under-shepherd. Meaning, he has prayed for you, entreated God on your behalf, and bears a customized burden for your spiritual well-being. There might be other preachers who have more oratorical skill than your pastor, but your pastor doesn’t need to feel the pressure of comparison.

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Disparage new ideas. Every pastor will have a new idea from time to time. Sometimes they work out as planned and sometimes they don’t. Don’t be the person who can always be counted on for the dreaded “I told you so” when a new idea falls flat. Every leader needs the leeway to try new things and adjust accordingly. Be as supportive of new things as possible.

Minimize successes. There are few things more discouraging to a pastor than people who refuse to celebrate successes. Some folks bring a wet blanket to every celebration by pointing out all the things that are still imperfect. No matter the strength of any given church, there will always be plenty of room for improvement, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t rejoice when progress is made.

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Pretend you want advice when you really want validation. Ah. This is a big one. Don’t ask for counseling when you’ve already decided what you’re going to do. If you’ve already made up your mind just admit you don’t want spiritual guidance or genuine input from your pastor. Pretending you do when you don’t is disingenuous.

Talk behind his back. It might’ve just been a moment of frustration and you didn’t even really mean what you said, but when it gets back to your pastor (and it will) it will weigh on him heavily. He’ll love you regardless but your trustworthiness will be compromised.

Withhold honor. Some saints withhold honor because they don’t want their pastor to get a “big” head. Trust me. There are more than enough “balloon poppers” out there to keep him humble. Just give honor when and where honor is due.

View him suspiciously without a valid reason. We’ve all seen pastors fall from grace whether up close or from afar. We’ve all heard or maybe even seen the horror stories of preachers gone bad. Satan uses those sad stories to plant seeds of distrust and disunity within the hearts of good people. You wouldn’t teach your kids to distrust all police officers because of a few dirty cops, likewise, extend the same benefit of the doubt to godly ministry.

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Fight with other saints. Probably nothing else causes more grief to a pastor than trouble among the saints.

Complain about irrelevant things. There are legitimate complaints that are worthy of mentioning to your pastor. However, airing out every personal preference and petty dislike becomes hurtful in a hurry.

In conclusion: everyone (including myself) has done at least one of the things mentioned in this article. Your pastor loves you anyway and that’s not going to change. We’re human, and that means we accidentally hurt one another occasionally. The key is to do our best to adjust when we realize that we’re causing someone pain.

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Overcoming Ministerial Insecurities

This article first appeared as a guest posting on the blog www.searchofkings.net curated by Evangelist Timothy Hadden. The Search of Kings is a tremendous site full of well-articulated Apostolic content. Incidentally, Rev. Timothy Hadden is one of the premier evangelists of our day and the founder of Transition Ministries. Be sure to follow him on Twitter with the  handle @T_C_hadden for daily inspiration.

The Bible emphatically declares that the meek will inherit the earth (Mark 5:5). As many before me have pointed out, meekness is not weakness. In fact, meekness can only be actuated from a place of inner strength. We might even say that meekness grows in the garden of godly confidence. And make no mistake, although we are to avoid pride like the Ebola virus, ministers must walk in confidence.

A quick biblical study of the word confidence produces a wealth of commands like Proverbs 14:26, “In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, and his children will have refuge.” Our confidence is not built upon ourselves but rather upon our faith in God. It took confidence for Moses to stand before Pharaoh over and over again. It took confidence for Joshua to march his army around an impenetrable city. It took confidence for Elijah to challenge the prophets of Baal. It took confidence for Gideon to send thousands of able-bodied soldiers home. It took confidence for Noah to build an ark having never seen rain. It took confidence for a fisherman to preach on the Day of Pentecost. It took confidence for Paul to plant dozens of churches in unfriendly environments. The list could go on and on, but you get the point.

We are using the word confidence because it is almost interchangeable with the word faith. Faithful confidence is the antithesis of insecurity. We know that without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Without faith mountains will remain firmly planted (Matthew 17:20). Without faith revival will not occur, chains will not be broken, and the work of the Kingdom will be diminished. And yet, ministers are often afflicted with insecurity and plagued by depression.

If I sound judgmental or accusatory it’s certainly not my intention. As I have outlined in a previous article (Ministerial Depression – And How To Handle It), ministerial depression is usually a direct result of ministerial insecurity.

It may sound strange, but the first step to overcoming insecurity and discouragement is knowing that you’re not alone. Almost every great man of God in Scripture faced strong feelings of discouragement; a cursory examination of the Psalms makes that fact crystal clear. Even Jesus had moments of intense frustration that could easily be described as discouragement. How else would you describe weeping and lamenting over a faithless people (Luke 19:41-44)? Elijah literally watched fire fall from heaven only to enter into a severe season of discouragement. Gideon worked while hiding from the Midianites and scoffed when the angel called him a mighty man of valor. He was so discouraged that even angelic visitation didn’t invigorate him immediately.

Biblical examples aside, you may look across town and assume some other ministry is floating on air without a care in the world; nothing could be further from the truth. They have their own problems, failures, obstacles, and fears that you may never see. In fact, the higher you go within any leadership paradigm the more terrifying the view. If you’re mountain climbing the higher you go the more success you achieve, but you’re also facing new complexities and dangers at the same time. In fact, the danger becomes palpable.

With that in mind, comparison is often the culprit that ignites ministerial insecurity. My friend Mark Brown says, “A spirit of comparison comes from a spirit of competition, and competition comes from a prideful desire to be better than others. God resists the proud.” When we are proud God resists us, starting the cycle of insecurity and discouragement all over again. Prideful comparison is fundamentally ungodly and always leads to unnecessary discouragement. Remember when David disobeyed God and took a census of the people for the sake of comparison? It stirred God’s immediate anger. Resist comparison at all times.

Similarly, the pressure to compromise and the pressure to produce results also instigates insecurity. There is a disturbing trend festering that approaches ministry like a business, and pastoring like coaching. Preachers are increasingly pressured to lead their churches like a business and lead people like a corporate CEO. While ministry does contain aspects of business, shares traits of coaching, and even benefits from secular leadership skills it ultimately cannot be confined into those worldly paradigms. Trying to do so produces dissidence, dissatisfaction, spiritual anemia, and insecurity.

For example, if you measure spiritual success purely in terms of numbers, spreadsheets, and bottom lines you will always fall short. If you measure the success of a worship experience purely by talent, ambiance, and skill you will always be less than something or someone else. If you are led by trends, social winds, surveys, and opinions rather than convictions, doctrines, values, and timeless principles you will never lead with confidence.

Godly leaders understand that God does not measure success in the same way that businesses measure success. It’s not just about filling buildings, deep bank accounts, and slick productions. No. Ministry is about righteousness, truth, anointing, changed lives, transformed hearts, and right relationship with God and others. I would rather have a storefront church with two genuinely saved souls than a mega-church full of lost tithers. So the next time you feel the pressure to compromise for the sake of so-called success, remember that God does not measure success in the same way that carnal minds measure success.

With that in mind, one of the great deceptions of our time is the belief that compromise always produces growth. Consider this, the average church (across all denominational lines) runs about 75. The vast majority of those churches consistently compromise without any numeric growth at all. Clearly, compromise and abandoning biblical foundations does not produce automatic numeric growth (even if it did it would not justify watering down the Gospel). When apostolic ministers accept that lie, whether publically or secretly, they lead from a fixed position of insecurity. They live with the same Grasshopper Complex the ten spies articulated when they told Moses that the Promise Land was unconquerable (Numbers 13). In other words, they are defeated without ever going into battle. That’s the real tragedy of insecurity, we are defeated on the battlefield of our own minds before even attempting to accomplish what God has called us to accomplish.

Flashes of insecurity are not sinful nor are they unusual, but living there is toxic. Prolonged insecurity is really a reflection of an inner lack of faith in God’s power, purpose, plan, and process. Remember, insecurity is the source of negativity. Choose faith over fear and lead with godly confidence.

5 T rust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil (Proverbs 3:5-7).

Ministerial Discouragement (And How To Handle It)

If you’re in ministry, especially pastoral ministry, you have suffered the nagging persistence of discouragement. The problem with discouragement is not the emotion itself, it’s perfectly natural to wrestle with discouragement from time to time, the real concern is how a minister handles discouragement. Unchecked discouragement leads to paralyzation much like king Saul quivered in fear at Goliaths mocking voice. Unresolved discouragement leads to deeper and far more difficult problems like full blown depression. Discouragement is usually at the root of ministerial bitterness, jealousy, fear, disunity, anger, competition, isolation, mediocrity, and stagnation.

It may sound strange, but the first step to overcoming discouragement is knowing that you’re not alone. Almost every great man of God in Scripture faced strong feelings of discouragement; a cursory examination of the Psalms makes that fact crystal clear. Even Jesus had moments of intense frustration that could easily be described as discouragement. How else would you describe weeping and lamenting over a faithless people (Luke 19:41-44)? Elijah literally watched fire fall from heaven only to enter into a severe season of discouragement. Gideon worked while hiding from the Midianites and scoffed when the angel called him a mighty man of valor. He was so discouraged that even angelic visitation didn’t invigorate him immediately. Biblical examples aside, you may look across town and assume that other ministry is floating on air without a care in the world; nothing could be further from the truth. They have their own problems, failures, obstacles, and fears that you may never see. In fact, the higher you go within any leadership paradigm the more terrifying the view. If you’re mountain climbing the higher you go the more success you achieve, but you’re also facing new complexities and dangers at the same time. In fact, the danger becomes palpable.

With that in mind, comparison is often the culprit that ignites ministerial discouragement. My friend Mark Brown says, “A spirit of comparison comes from a spirit of competition, and competition comes from a prideful desire to be better than others. God resists the proud.” When we are proud God resists us, starting the cycle of discouragement all over again. Prideful comparison is fundamentally ungodly and always leads to unnecessary discouragement. Remember when David disobeyed God and took a census of the people for the sake of comparison? It stirred God’s immediate anger. Resist comparison at all times.

One key difference between great leaders and average leaders is their ability to suffer occasional discouragement without displaying it for all the world to see. That’s not to say that they slip into denial, rather, they face it head on. It’s not to say that they don’t seek help and counsel, they do, but they do so privately with trusted advisors. When humanly possible, suffer discouragement in a way that doesn’t cause your followers to be discouraged. Like it or not, the flock will reflect the mood of the shepherd if you project fear they’ll project fear, etc. Wise leadership makes a conscious decision to lead by faith, and it refuses to be held hostage by the whim of fluctuating emotions.

Regardless, there are many reasons for discouragement, many of them completely valid and totally understandable. My greatest moments of pain have not come from the enemies camp but from within. We expect the world to be the world and for it to attack the Church, but nothing hurts more than “friendly fire.” Friendly fire wounds just as deeply and it is just as deadly as enemy fire. Moses experienced this on many occasions, but none more serious than when Korah instigated a rebellion so pervasive that it nearly destroyed Moses. Thankfully, God stepped in and protected his man as he always does.

There’s not a minister alive who hasn’t faced opposition from within his own camp. Here’s a few survival tips and sanity savers for those situations. One, remember that we do not wrestle with flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). Your real enemy is not an individual or even a group of individuals. Two, understanding who your real enemy is will help you choose the right weapons and mount a successful battle strategy. Ultimately, turning the battle completely over to God is probably the best option. Three, refuse to burn bridges or lose your cool when tempers and emotions are flaring. Leave the door open for restoration and restitution. You’ll be surprised at how many people will change if you simply give them grace and time. Four, avoid bitterness at all costs. I’ve seen many good people become the very thing that they abhorred because of bitterness. Five, forgive people even if they don’t deserve it; this is your number one defense against bitterness. Six, stay out of the mud. If you don’t, casual observers won’t be able to distinguish who’s dirty from who’s clean. Seven, keep the bigger picture in focus. It’s amazing how one detractor can make you feel like an entire army is attacking you. One critic, one liar, and one hater can become so amplified in our mind that we forget about the majority who are faithful and loyal. Spend less time focused on the troublemakers and more time focused on the peacemakers. Eight, remember not all numerical decreases are a bad thing. Sometimes you need to lose some losers to gain a victory. When God culled Gideon’s army down from thousands to three hundred it was a blessing, not a curse. Ironically, many great revivals begin with a numerical decrease making room spiritually for a numerical increase. Struggling to keep wolves and goats isn’t good for the shepherd or the sheep.

Finally, there is a common problem in the psychiatric community sometimes referred to as Depressed Therapist Syndrome. This occurs when therapists become so overwhelmed with the problems of their patients that they too become depressed. Similarly, pastors and ministers spend a tremendous amount of time counseling people in their darkest moments. We sit in hospitals, hospices, and funerals loving people and sharing their grief. Good pastors care, empathize, and grieve internally (if not externally). This can become a heavy load to carry over time, morphing into mild or even severe depression. There are no simple remedies for this burden, but there are some policies that alleviate stress factors. One, put limits on when you will counsel. Set up appointments rather than accepting random phone calls at all hours of the night. Two, take time off. Even God rested as an example for us. Three, develop strong relationships and trusted friends who will help you break free from lingering stress. Four, set aside time for family. Be present in mind and in body. Five, don’t put undue pressure on yourself. Resist the urge to approach ministry with an I-Can-Fix-It mentality. Only God can truly and permanently mend broken hearts, not you.

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that he may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost (Romans 15:13).

Related Articles: Consistency – 16 Keys To Great Leadership, Overcoming Ministerial Insecurity, You Cannot Be A Church Leader If… (Part 1), You Cannot Be A Church Leader If… (Part 2), 5 Tips For Introverted Leaders, Ministry Pitfalls, The Case For Yearly Preaching Plans, 14 Ways You Can Support Your Pastor, Church Growth (Practical and Spiritual Insights) – Part 1, Church Growth (Practical and Spiritual Insights) – Part 2, Been Hurt By A Pastor? (8 Reasons You Should Stop Talking About It), The Deveopment of Vision – Part 1, The Number One Reason Small Churches Stay Small

9 Signs You Might Be Weary In Well Doing

Last week, I promised to follow up on the post entitled 7 Things That Make Us Weary In Well Doing, and I’m making good on that promise today. Sometimes, we are spiritually worn down, and we don’t even recognize a problem until it spirals out of control. The following is a series of warning signs that should make our internal alarms start beeping when detected.

1. Lack of Prayer

I could quote tons of Scripture about the importance of prayer, but in the end, prayer is about having a relationship with God. If you fail to communicate regularly with the Lord, your relationship is unhealthy. We instinctively understand this principle in our relationships with other humans, but we often fail to understand it in our relationship with God.

2. Half-Hearted Praise

When Mary performed that beautiful act of worship by anointing Jesus’ feet with expensive oil, Judas expressed displeasure at her extravagance (John 12:3-6). Now that we have the advantage of hindsight, we can see that Judas exhibited a warning sign of weariness in well-doing. When we begin withholding praise and feel critical of another’s praise, we should quickly make some spiritual corrections.

3. Habitually Missing Church

I should clarify that we all miss services occasionally for legitimate reasons. However, I am referring to those seasons of missing for no good reason. We all know the Scripture (Hebrews 10:25) that commands us to stay faithful in our church attendance, and yet the assembling together of the saints is far more than a stuffy commandment; it is for our improvement. Our carnal nature tends to pull away from the very thing we need the most when we are weary in well-doing. Keep a sharp eye out for this vital warning sign.

4. Murmuring & Complaining

Whenever the Hebrews were about to do something really horrific that stirred God’s wrath, it was always preceded by murmuring (Exodus 16:8; Numbers 14:27; Numbers 17:5). We all become frustrated and need to vent once in a while, but if it becomes the norm, you have a severe spiritual condition that needs immediate attention.

5. Spiked Levels of Temptation & Intensified Longings For Worldliness 

When Lot decided to lead his family towards and eventually into Sodom, it began because of God’s blessings (Genesis 13:6-12); the trend towards Sodom began during the good times. We must frequently check our direction and our desires. Sometimes, we need to desperately pray as the Psalmist did, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me (Psalm 51:10).”

6. Quick to Anger, Quick to Offense & Quick to Speak 

On at least five separate occasions, Scripture describes God as being slow to anger (Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 103:8; Psalm 145:8; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2). When we display the opposite characteristics of God, we should always take a spiritual inventory.

7. Unwillingness to Participate In the Kingdom of God  

1 Peter 4:10-11 clarifies that every Christian has a calling to be involved in the Kingdom of God according to their specific gifts. Refusal to participate or stay involved is usually indicative of a deeper problem.

8. Bitterness 

The apostle Paul acknowledged the defiling power of bitterness in Hebrews 12:15. The subject of bitterness alone could fill volumes and volumes, but know that it is one of the most dangerous warning signs. Bitterness starts small and quickly grows into an unavoidable problem if left uncontrolled. It is possible to be right the wrong way, and one of the most common ways to be right the wrong way is to be correct and bitter at the same time.

9. Rebellion

Rebellion against God or God-given authority is never okay, and it never ends well; if you remain unconvinced, just consider King Saul, Lucifer, or Judas.