If you’re a preacher, a preacher’s kid, or someone who loves the ministry and wants to be sensitive to their needs, this article is for you.
Today is my son’s seventh birthday and he loves the Lord and Legos very much. I think his love hierarchy is Jesus, his mommy, his sister, and his Legos. I trail those things by a small but pronounced margin. On a sappy parental note; I love his toothy grin, his high pitched (and very frequent) laughter, his sensitive heart, and his never-ending questions that leave me scratching my gradually balding head.
My son has the distinction of being a second-generation preacher’s kid and a fifth-generation Apostolic Pentecostal. He’s got a pretty stalwart legacy of faith behind his little Lego littered life. He’s too young to really feel the pressures of being a PK but with every passing birthday I know he’s getting a little closer to feeling that burden.
My nine-year-old daughter is just starting to show the telltale signs of the PK pressure. I recognize them easily because I faced them myself. Sometimes they’re subtle and sometimes they’re manifested dramatically. Even before having kids of my own I’ve had a heart for PK’s. I’ve been privileged to speak at several PK seminars over the years, and listening to their stories takes me right back to my childhood faster than Odyssey’s Imagination Station (if you don’t know what that means, do yourself a favor and look it up).
I would never minimize the challenges that every child faces. Certainly, these are challenging times for children in general. It’s also true that being born into a preacher’s home is a tremendous privilege with certain built-in advantages. Having said that, there are unique difficulties and problems that are specific to PK’s. In the hopes of helping, or at the very least drawing some awareness to the issues, I am listing a few common PK problems below.
1. Extreme Feelings of Loneliness & Isolation: Because there are so few peers that can relate to the unique challenges of the ministry lifestyle, PK’s often feel lonely and isolated. They suffer in silence and deal with a lot of unresolved emotional tension. They usually feel ashamed to voice these feelings to their parents because they genuinely don’t want to hurt them or sound harsh towards the things of God they cherish so deeply.
2. Bitterness Towards Saints: PK’s parents are incredibly busy. Ministry isn’t something you can just turn off or punch a time clock and be done with. Saints often don’t realize that the ten minutes you just spent on the phone with them is just one of a series of hundreds of ten-minute phone calls that interrupted yet another family moment. Not to mention all the mandatory church events, bi-vocational ministry homes, impromptu counseling sessions, mountains of prayerful study time that sequesters preachers away from their families, meetings, administrative work, conferences, ministry-related travel, the business of life in general, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Also, pastor’s wives are unpaid workers with heavy loads of responsibility. They labor alongside their husbands, and although they are technically not on staff they shoulder an immense amount of time-consuming work. All of this can leave a PK feeling like everyone else is more important than them. Every need is more urgent than their need. Every crisis trumps their crisis. So, they retreat and grow bitter (or jealous) towards the people (or the church in general) who constantly pull mommy and daddy away. If left unresolved, those feelings can morph into bitterness towards mom and dad.
It’s not uncommon for kids to feel a level of bitterness towards their parent’s job responsibilities because it keeps them busy and away from home, but when a child starts feeling that way about the place they are supposed to go for spiritual nourishment real dangers are lurking.
3. They See the Ugly Underbelly: No matter how much their parents try to shield PK’s from the worst aspects of a church it is impossible to keep it all neatly hidden in a drawer. PK’s see their parents attacked by saints and sinners alike. They see their parents disrespected by people they thought were respectable, and they have a front row seat to the tragic showing of every backslider’s decline. Sadly, disgruntled saints will sometimes try to use a PK to get at their parents or cause a church rift. This is disgusting at best but not unusual.
PK’s see their parents at their highest high’s and their lowest low’s. They see Elijah calling fire from heaven and they see him running from Jezebel too. These are hard scenarios for a child to process and still love their church family like they should. Others may only see the public displays of respect for ministry, but PK’s see the ugly moments when the masks come off.
4. Unrealistic Expectations: PK’s live under a different set of expectations than most kids. And it can go from one extreme to the other. On the one hand, many people stereotype PK’s as being trouble makers, spoiled rotten, or bratty. On the other hand, many people expect PK’s to bypass their childhood completely and act like miniature perfectly mannered adults. PK’s live in a glass house where their every move is under the watching eye of curious people. Everything they and their parents do is highly visible and scrutinized. The feeling of constantly being under a microscope can devolve into spiritual and emotional suffocation.
Some PK’s live under the overwhelming pressure to grow up and be in the ministry just like their parents. I’ll never forget, I was all of eleven years old when someone very seriously asked if I knew Greek and Hebrew like my father.
To complicate things even further, if PK’s do feel called to the ministry they face the all-too-familiar critical eye of a watching crowd. Will they be more anointed than their parents or less anointed than their parents? Will they be as talented as their parents or less talented than their parents? Some PK’s balk at the emotional reality that some shoes just seem too big to fill.
Preacher’s Kids Are People Too. Bottom line, kids are kids. Preacher’s kids must learn, grow, laugh, cry, win, lose, fall, and get up just like every other kid. They have strengths and weaknesses. They have unique talents and special abilities distinct to them and them alone. Some are called to pastoral ministry while others are not. They are not puppets to be used in a sacrilegious game of tug-of-war. They have peculiar challenges and special advantages at the same time. Saints that love the ministry will love PK’s with grace, sensitivity, and understanding. And yes, your pastor and his wife will appreciate it more than words can express.
Final Note:For those that might be wondering, as far as I can tell no one in my church has ever been anything but sweet to my children. I truly appreciate the kindness and consideration that Apostolic Tabernacle shows my children on a regular basis.
And we’re back with part three of our conversation about worship. This time we examine the issue of why people don’t seem to be singing along during the worship service. We discuss the “why’s” and the “what” to do about it. Thanks for watching. In case you’re just joining the conversation, you can go back […]
This is essentially part two of my conversation with my brother Nathan on the subject of worship. I really appreciate Nathan taking the time to talk. We both lead incredibly hectic lives and finding time to do anything is extremely difficult. But we both care deeply about the importance of worship and leading worship. In […]
Everyone seems to be consumed with the question of why Millennials are leaving churches. Just google “why are millennials leaving the church” and you’ll have a month’s worth of reading material. Millennials are writing “open letters” to the Church like doctors write prescriptions. America has shifted its focus from the Baby Boomer generation to the Millennial generation. The reasons are many, Millennials by most estimations have surpassed the Baby Boomers in number, they are taking over the workforce, and shaping culture in countless ways both good and bad.
Full disclosure, at 33 I am technically a millennial. For those who have remained blissfully unaware, the consensus seems to be that Millennials are comprised of those born from 1982 – 2012 (although there is some debate). So, I squeaked into what is often called “the worst generation”. Good for me!
Having said that, it should be noted that Millennials are not monolithic. We simply cannot be lumped into one big pile. I think that’s one of the most interesting and underreported aspects of my generation. We are radically different from person to person. This can be attributed to the massive amounts of data and information that have become accessible to us from our youth via the rise of the internet, social media, education, and other media sources. In fact, we have so much data we’re literally drowning in it.
Regarding the hysteria surrounding the so-called mass exodus of Millennials from churches, this is not a new issue. Every generation has had a falling away (check out this article written in 1993 regarding the Baby Boomer generation). I’m a fifth-generation Oneness Pentecostal Christian, and every generation in my family has bemoaned the departure of large portions of their generation from the Church.
So why all the frenzy? One, there are more people polling, studying, analyzing and collecting data about Christianity than in days gone by. Second, the rise of blogs (like this one), social media, and the internet in general spreads the word beyond the stuffy conversations of church board meetings. Third, my generation doesn’t leave quietly. We make a big deal over it. We whine and write and vlog and yada-yada-yada about it. The result is that this feels like a brand-new problem when it’s really just an old problem with a new label.
As this study points out, young adults commonly leave churches for a season only to return later in life. Jesus parabolically described this very thing in the story of the Prodigal Son. Marriage, the birth of a child, a life crisis, or the realization that secularism is full of emptiness often draws people back to their childhood faith. My grandparents used to call this phenomenon “sowing wild oats”. I still have no idea what that means.
Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying this isn’t a problem, it is. It’s just not a new problem. Beyond that, I think overreactions and knee-jerk responses to the perceived death of Christianity are ridiculous, unnecessary, and unhelpful. I would even argue that the overreacting has contributed to the problem.
Recently, an article caught my attention on Facebook called 12 Reasons Millennials Are Over Church. I’ve read countless articles like it but this one gives a clear window into the heart of the issue. I’d like to address several things the author mentions head on (from one millennial to another so to speak).
It’s probably the narcissistic millennial part of me, but I think being at the upper end of the age spectrum gives me a unique insight into the issue at hand. In other words, I see both sides of the coin; sometimes I think like a typical millennial and other times millennial thinking makes me want to hang my head in shame. Regardless, bridges must be built between the generations, but they must be properly built on foundations of truth and honesty; not hypocrisy and cheap compromise.
Back to the 12 Reasons Millennials Are Over Church, the first complaint on the list is Nobody’s Listening to Us (don’t worry I won’t take the time to address all 12). At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this also is not a new problem. Every generation has felt undervalued, unappreciated, and unheard. We are in the throes of a generational clash. Every younger generation has felt they could do it better, run it better, make it better, etc. Sometimes they’re right and sometimes they’re wrong.
Growing pains are tough and feeling marginalized is tougher. Generational clashes are as old as time, we’ve all heard the platitudes about kids who thought dad didn’t know anything about anything until they had kids of their own. This is the natural order of life, but it must be addressed and discussed.
While it is true that Millennials don’t know everything many of us are sincere (although we are often sincerely wrong). Approaching sincere Millennials with bad assumptions about our character and name calling will alienate us further. Opening channels of communication is imperative if you want us to feel connected to the future and health of the Church. On the flip side, we Millennials must learn that listening is just as important as being heard. The generations ahead of us endured tons of obstacles to get where they are and when we insult their dignity they automatically (and understandably) question our motives.
This brings me to my biggest problem with my generation. Lack of respect. I know, I know. Respect must be earned, but a vast majority of Millennials struggle to respect any traditional authority structures. Mountains of research have been compiled on this very subject. Like most Millennials, I’ve seen many “heroes” fall both secular and religious. This has produced a general mistrust towards leaders of all kinds, which is reason number 7 (Distrust & Misallocation of Resources) in the article we’re discussing.
Since we Millennials love to point out hypocrisy, I’ll shine a little light on one of my generations hypocritical conundrums. Many of my peers may be shedding the “chains” of Christianity and parental dominance, but they are trading them for a secular dogma that they pursue with religious fervor. Their preachers call themselves professors, their bishops are politicians, and science is their Bible. They even have an apocalyptic End Times theology called global warming. Taxes are nothing more than tithes in the mega church of government, and morality is not sexual but it is social. Here’s the problem, politics and science and social justice warriors have far more scandals, greed, misappropriation of funds, antipathy, complacency, inconsistencies, and general fraud than all the churches in all the world could ever dream of having. For example, here’s a list of solutions that the author has given to help churches overcome the distrust Millennials have towards financial stewardship within churches:
Actually, I think all those things are great ideas, and many churches do that stuff and much more. But as Millennials become increasingly politically active why are we not voicing the same concerns towards the almighty federal government? Where is the outrage over the waste and fraud within beloved government social programs? Millennials supposedly value consistency above all and when the Church fails the test we’re out, right? Why then aren’t we imposing these same concerns in the realm of politics?
Moving on, reason number 3 on the list of why Millennials are over church:Helping the Poor Isn’t a Priority. This one always irks me a little bit even though I think I know where he’s coming from. Honestly, it seems like every mega church in America is more concerned with sending water to Africa than actually preaching the Gospel (no need for hate mail, I’m all for sending water to Africa). The social gospel movement dominates western Christianity. Helping the poor is important, vital, necessary, and Christ-like. But nothing could be more compassionate, life-changing, and elevating than the Gospel. That’s why the Great Commission is Gospel-centric not welfare oriented.
But therein lies the true problem my fellow millennial is addressing. To some degree, I’m jumping to conclusions here, but it’s fairly safe to assume based on his description that the author attends a typical semi-mega church. Meaning that the Gospel is so watered down and shallow it’s just a shell of the authentic truth of the Bible. Performance has replaced praise and relevance has replaced righteousness. And these are the kinds of churches that Millennials are fleeing like a religious Titanic.
Churches like this rail against the culture (see point 4) but they are saturated with the culture. They preach sermons based off movies and incorporate secular music into their services. Millennials spot the hypocrisy a mile away. They see churches filled with a form of godliness yet denying the power of it (2 Timothy 3:5). It’s a point I’ve previously made here, many heterosexual Millennials supported gay marriage because they watched churches wink at adultery, divorce, and various other sexual sins while bellowing against the gay lifestyle. Let me be clear, all those things are biblically unacceptable, but many American churches lost the moral high ground a long time ago in the name of relevance. These churches thought they were making the Gospel more palatable, but they really just perverted it.
So, churches that are like the culture have no room to rail against the culture. It’s like the proverbial pot calling the kettle black, or to use one of Jesus’ analogies; it’s like the guy with a beam in his eye pointing out a speck in the other guy’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5). And we’ve circled right back around to hypocrisy; we millennials hate hypocrisy even if we don’t always recognize it in ourselves.
Reason number 7 (We Want to Be Mentored, Not Preached At) is probably the best example of how I see both sides of the coin. On the surface, I agree with the statement but once he starts elaborating he loses me. I do see a dearth of one on one mentorship in the average church. Jesus said to go and make disciples (Matthew 28:19). His whole ministry was a combination of public preaching and private teaching. Millennials are desperate for godly mentors, especially with the overwhelming absence of mothers and fathers due to divorce, careers, and addiction.
But I fear that the minimization of preaching and the weird comfort level that Millennials have with virtual pastors is a product of weak pulpits. Meaning, the average commercially relevant Christian church is preaching watered down sermons thinking that’s what it takes to connect. When in reality they are disconnected from the anointing and the biblical authority they desperately need.
Here’s a point to ponder for holiness pastors such as myself; Millennials are not afraid of biblical righteousness if it is correct, sincere, consistent, and kind. That may rock your boat a little but it’s true. Millennials are not afraid to be counter-cultural if it is presented to them truthfully, sincerely, convincingly, and directly.
Which leads me to reason number 9 on the list of why Millennials are over church; We Want You to Talk to Us About Controversial Issues (Because No One Is). This is the most important point in the entire article, and it is 100% accurate. For too long now churches have remained alarmingly silent on the big issues. Hollywood, social engineers, politicians, and liberal professors don’t have any qualms about facing the big controversial issues head on. So why should the Church? Churches need to talk about jobs, money, careers, sex, marriage, dating, addiction, social issues, and more. As he said, I understand all these topics can’t and shouldn’t be discussed in the main sanctuary. However, opportunities need to be provided to face the controversial issues head on.
For my fellow Pentecostals, there is some good news regarding the scary millennial statistics and the general decline of American Christianity. While mainline, denominational churches are dying Pentecostals are experiencing growth (check out this fascinating article Why Do These Pentecostals Keep Growing? by Ed Stetzer).
While Pentecostals may have declining ranks of Millennials, statistics strongly indicate that we have much better retention than mainline denominational churches. Why? Because we have what the apostles had, the power of the Holy Spirit. We have not allowed liberal theologians to create contempt and mistrust for the Bible. While imperfect, we are distinct and separated from the world. Is carnality creeping into many of our churches? Yes! And that will be the death of those churches. Because Millennials hate hypocrisy. So, if you want to impress Millennials, “…be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord (1 Corinthians 15:58)”.
Finally, Millennials are ultra-social conscious. We want to see poverty, disease, and anguish eradicated. We may be more sensitive than our predecessors in petulant ways, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t earnest. That’s great news for true Bible believing Apostolics because we know that the Gospel can genuinely change lives. The Holy Ghost can lift a drug addict out of crippling addiction, restore marriages, heal sickness, and turn a liar honest. What could be better for broken communities than hundreds of thousands of Spirit transformed people? Apostolic revival is the greatest social program of all time. The Acts 2:38 message can still turn the world upside down (Acts 17:6).
In dealing with and hoping to advise our fellow millennial citizens who range from eighteen to thirty-four years old there are some questions in my mind. Who would you listen to if advice were given? I can answer the question in part, you would probably not listen to your parents, nor would you listen to any older person and very possibly you would not listen to a minister. So, the question is, who could arrest your attention for possible enlightenment? Your peers would probably agree with all that you are now thinking. That is the option you would give your professor, the chance to open your thinking. But he or she would only reiterate what you have already been taught. Or maybe you would thumb through the latest list of movies on the subject in question. I hope you don’t mind my pointing out the fictional aspect of that option.
Well, it’s all complicated but you have more responsibility than you might think. So, I ask you to shake your head and think out of the millennial box. I am not suggesting or asking that you must dress differently or change your hair style. I am only asking that you stretch your mind. Let me say, that by you doing this it will not help me at all, but there is a chance it might benefit you. If you would like to be different than your generation, try this ever so often. Stretching your mind will be a sure way of finding uniqueness since probably not many around you will be so daring. Don’t worry, you could not be an older person if you tried, nor will you ever be thirteen again. So, you must be yourself not a cookie cutter version of all around you. When you think out of the box, you realize no one could push God on you that is impossible. When you understand this, you will be thinking beyond the crowd. It is not possible for preachers to force this upon you. Reading the Bible cannot be forced upon you. Church attendance cannot be forced upon you.
Let me share a secret with you – your children will think you are nuts because what you think about life will be antiquated in 25 years, just like the car you now drive. Your thinking is headed for moth balls. It is on its’ way to becoming obsolete. As a millennial, you might have put God and the church aside which is your prerogative. But please allow me to say before you pull your thinking back into a narrow box, you are taking a lot on yourself. You can’t hug yourself to your own heart. You will find that you alone are just not enough. So, you can’t take anyone else’s idea about a lot of things including God because that is not something others can (or should be allowed to) decide for you. When you fight for your rights remember that others also have theirs. I am not stupid enough to think I can unmillennialize you but we all should realize that we need thinking that will last a lifetime.
Rev. O.C. Marler wears more hats than I can list in this one little bio spot. He is a highly sought after speaker, preacher, and teacher who is known for his powerfully engaging communication style (you can listen here). He currently travels the country preaching with his beloved wife Joan. They are both prolific writers of western and mystery genra fiction. Everyone should own a copy of O.C. Marler’s best selling book Doctrine Does Matter, which is a wonderfully readable explanation of how to be saved. On a personal note, Rev. Marler is a lifelong friend and mentor to me. During my Indiana Bible College years his classes left a lasting impact on my life. His advice, wise counsel, and example are invaluable to me. His ministry has shaped and influenced thousands of millennials throughout the United States.
Harambe might be old news but the controversy surrounding the unique value and specialness of human life above that of animal life still rages. I have updated this article with a link to a recent National Review article by Wesley J. Smith. I encourage you to follow the link and read the entire article.
Update: since posting this article in June of last year the controversy surrounding the singular specialness of human life has continued to rage. For many, the odd angst surrounding the death of a gorilla was their first contact with this unique brand of secular madness. Wesley J. Smith of National Review fame recently published an article entitled Now It’s ‘Posthumanist Ethical Pluralism’ that deals with this issue. The article is exceptional. I hope you’ll take the time to read through it. Below is my favorite quote from the article:
“If human life doesn’t have the highest ultimate objective value simply and merely because it is human–an equal value to be distinguished from all other life forms on the planet–there is no way to philosophically defend universal human rights. Moreover, if we can’t distinguish between our inherent value and that of animals, we will not elevate their status to our level but diminish our…
If you missed the first article, click the picture below and check back here afterwards.
The Warrior is like The Authoritarian, with a few important variations. For example, they are less emotionally controlled than The Authoritarian. In fact, they are usually heavily influenced by an authoritarian’s leadership. The Warrior is fearless and approaches leadership like a battle. They attack problems zealously. When they see wrongdoing or injustice they are the tip of the reformative spear. Their preaching might sound like an army drill sergeant. The Warrior has a profound sense of duty and is very comfortable with authority structures.
Strengths: dependable, reliable, bold, brave, courageous, protective, principled, ethical, honorable, and self-sacrificing. The Warrior is not easily swayed by winds of culture or popular opinions. When they believe something is right they hold the line. They are uncompromising (in a good way). They don’t wait for public opinion to tip in their favor before doing necessary things. They make people under their care feel safe and protected. They know how to take the vision of others and make it a reality. Warriors are hardworking, prepared, and follow direction from leaders without complaint.
Weaknesses: anger issues, impulsive, harsh, heavy-handed, impatient, insensitive, and narrow-minded. They can be smart but impulsive. Honest but overly blunt. The Warrior can become so fixated on one mission that he fails to see peripheral problems emerging. Their shock and awe tactics sometimes result in collateral damage. The Warrior, without the help of the Holy Spirit, can be unforgiving, vengeful, and overpowering. The Warrior wrestles with the impulse to preach mad and tell everybody off.
The Organizer is always prepared, systematic, and plans everything down to the final period. They plan and then they plan some more. They organize and pre-arrange everything. They are detailed and meticulous. The Organizer is cautious, calculated, and calm. They are forward thinking. They anticipate the future and learn from the past. All these traits are reflected in their teaching and preaching. The Organizer loves meetings; they have meetings to plan meetings.
Strengths: rarely caught off guard, The Organizer is dependable and handles complicated operations with ease. They’re not intimidated by mundane or boring tasks. They hold everyone around them accountable and manage people closely. They communicate efficiently, albeit briefly because they are always juggling several major projects at once. In a secular environment, they make great managers. The Organizer will communicate things clearly and repeatedly.
Weaknesses: Organizers are rarely caught off guard because they have a contingency for everything, but when they are it makes them crazy. Usually mild-mannered, the unexpected unglues The Organizer. It’s typically manifested in an outburst of anger or an awkward tantrum. Also, they can be so tightly scheduled they fail to make room for the working of the Spirit. Their constant planning feels overwhelming to more spontaneous personalities. They seem awkward in settings where spontaneity is required. The Organizer has trouble unwinding. Their focus makes them seem unapproachable and anti-social; even when they’re preaching. However, they’re usually much more sensitive and caring than they seem.
The Motivator is nearly the opposite of The Organizer. The Motivator may appear organized but they are normally off the cuff. They have expressive energy that fills a room. They know how to connect emotionally with a crowd or an individual. Their zealousness is contagious, they can sell sand to a camel. They have an uncanny ability to gauge what people are thinking and feeling. The Motivator will make you laugh and cry at the same time. They can be deadly serious and hysterically funny in the same sentence. If given enough time, they can turn a “no” into a “yes”. The Motivator helps other more organized leaders launch their vision.
Strengths: persuasive, influential, impacting, memorable, intuitive, intense, complex, sensitive, concerned, and dynamic. The Motivator is skilled at getting other people to get things done. They are team minded. They connect quickly with others and make a lasting impression. They are vision casters, futuristic thinkers, and they can see potential that others miss.
Weaknesses: pushy, overly aggressive, impatient, forgetful, demanding, rash, and careless. They don’t mean to be dishonest but they are so focused on the moment they often make promises they can’t keep. It’s not unusual for The Motivator to make a claim or promise and simply forget about it the next day. Motivators tend to exaggerate when making a point. They are results driven and demand immediate responses; when they don’t get immediate responses they become very frustrated. The Motivator can become manipulative. Motivation and manipulation are similar but not the same; motivators straddle that fine line.
The Weeping Prophet shares many similarities with Jeremiah, the writer of Lamentations. Their ears are finally tuned to the voice of God. They are sensitive and heavily burdened for the sinful condition of the world. Their methods and deliveries may seem drastic but it flows from an unbearable burden for the lost. They wrestle in the Spirit realm and make sacrifices others would not make. God speaks to them in vivid and exclusive ways. Their prayer life is strong. They are deniers of self (their ministry is fueled by fasting). They are given to outward explosions of powerfully felt emotions. They are often misunderstood and marginalized. They preach and speak forcefully, prophetically, and authoritatively.
Strengths: deeply spiritual, convicting, corrective, self-disciplined, anointed, deep, God fearing, focused, forthright, honest, observant, sacrificial, and biblically astute. The Weeping Prophet is no stranger to the presence of God. They speak with revelation. They are not afraid to speak truth in hostile environments. They are willing to suffer for the sake of the Gospel. They pull other ministries out of the pit of carnality. They see dangers ahead and they ring the warning bells loud and long.
Weaknesses: grapples against paralyzing depression, suffers under the weight of the spiritual burden, and can easily become isolated. The Prophet can go from the mountain of faith to the valley of doubt in an instant (think Elijah right after Mount Caramel). Their introverted personality makes working with others difficult. Their quirkiness and eccentricities can be off-putting (think John the Baptist).
The Dreamer is a visionary. Like Joseph, they don’t always know what the vision means or how it will work. Also like Joseph, God speaks to them through visions and dreams. They have big plans, they spend a lot of time looking ahead. Their dreams often seem farfetched and fantastical. They suffer setbacks but they keep dreaming. They inspire others to reach for bigger and better things. The Dreamer knows the status quo can become deadly tomorrow. They prepare and equip themselves and others for the future.
Strengths: vision caster, prepared, inspiring, spiritually sensitive, forgiving, patient, kind, competent, dependable, and helpful. Other ministries become jealous and dismissive of The Dreamer but they would be in a world of hurt without them. The Dreamer has a God-given vision that ensures a healthy future.
Weaknesses: easily misunderstood, naïve, cryptic, vague, and emotional. The Dreamer sometimes shares the vision prematurely out of sheer exuberance. Their excitement gets the best of them. Their trusting nature invites pain and disappointment. They have a bad sense of timing; they know the “what” but they rarely know the “when”.
The Wall Rebuilder is a modern-day Nehemiah. As you know, Nehemiah rebuilt the walls around the city of Jerusalem. The temple had already been rebuilt but now the city was without protection; Nehemiah took on the awesome task of rebuilding broken down walls in the face of hostility from virtually every direction. The Wall Rebuilder works tirelessly for the restoration of righteousness. The Wall Rebuilder appreciates the protection that holiness brings. They see exposed weaknesses. Anticipate dangers. They rebuild what others have left vulnerable. When other ministries crash and burn, they move in with a restoration mindset. Sanballats try to turn their ministry into a punchline but The Wall Rebuilder just prays and keeps on working (Nehemiah 4:1-7).
Strengths: restorative, uncompromising, uplifting, convicting, calculated, prepared, disciplined, sacrificial, hardworking, trustworthy, brave, insightful, and perceptive. It’s hard to fool The Wall Rebuilder, they see through bluffs and blusters. Their work keeps other people safe and protected. While some view walls as constricting, the Wall Rebuilder sees them as a bulwark against the enemy.
Weaknesses: workaholic, harsh, stoic, insensitive, and hyper-focused. The Wall Rebuilder can get so focused on the walls they neglect the temple. They are loving but layers of self-discipline may give them an indifferent exterior. Often overworked, they suffer from exhaustion, discouragement, and anxiety. The same personality traits that make them spiritually cautious also cause them to be extremely untrusting. They write people off too quickly and struggle with unforgiveness.
The Martyr is the modern-day Stephen. They may not be literally killed; however, they give everything they’ve got to the work of the Kingdom. Their life is truly a sacrificial offering unto the Lord. They are the church planters, the missionaries, and the forerunners of revival. Many times, they never have the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of their labor. They give financially until it hurts. They give of their time and energy until they have nothing left to give. They are pioneers that dig out a work in barren wildernesses. They are unappreciated, unassuming, and unselfish. Subsequent ministries owe a great debt of gratitude to The Martyr.
Strengths: selfless, hardworking, giving, humble, sincere, idealistic, visionary, steady, bold, faithful, unflinching, uncompromising, and courageous. The Martyr does the right thing no matter what. They do what others are afraid to do. They go where others are afraid to go. They speak when others are afraid to speak. They work when others are too tired to work. They are tenacious and sure footed. They don’t have to be propped up by others to stay the course. They have an inward assurance and strength that keeps them moving forward regardless of the obstacle. They are foundation layers and spiritual brick makers. Tragically, they suffer tremendously and make the ultimate sacrifices when needed. They are the unsung heroes of the faith.
Weaknesses: it’s hard to say anything critical about The Martyr (for obvious reasons), but they do have personality weaknesses. For example, they are so driven it can lead to drastic physical and spiritual burnout. They struggle to balance family and ministry successfully. Because they are so unappreciated they are not immune to toxic levels of bitterness. They can unintentionally become isolated and lonely. They don’t prioritize rest which is spiritually and physically hazardous. The Martyr fights against cynicism and is sometimes excessively critical of those who are less devoted.
On a personal note, Ellis cites my father’s tremendous book at about the halfway point of the article. As many of you know, my father, Dr. Talmadge L. French is one of the premier scholars and historians within the Oneness Pentecostal movement. Here’s the quote:
“…the Oneness Pentecostal movement centered on a charismatic Leader, Garfield Thomas Haywood. According to Talmadge L. French in his book, “Early Interracial Oneness Pentecostalism” (2014), the African American Leader, Garfield T. Haywood was its primary architect and figures most prominently into the movements history, not only as one of its leading proponents, but as its central interracial voice, as well as its most renowned leader.”
If you are a pastor wanting to be more self-aware, a saint hoping to better understand your shepherd or a pastor who wants to better understand other pastors, this article is for you.
Pastors and preachers are people with personality strengths and weaknesses just like everybody else. They’re anointed and God called, but that doesn’t mean they lose their distinctiveness. Pastors are not monolithic. This diversity of personalities and leadership styles is helpful and necessary for the overall health of the Church.
I’m fascinated by personality studies. There are hundreds of them (I still prefer Why You Act the Way You Do? by Tim Lahaye). Like many teenagers, I was awkward with a touch of moroseness; understanding why people acted the way they acted helped me make sense of the world, and it still does (here’s a very brief online temperament test that tends to be scary accurate).
From a ministry leadership standpoint, having a grasp of basic personality types is invaluable. When you understand personality differences you are less likely to be offended or caught off guard by common weaknesses. You spot strengths faster and see buried potential in people as well.
Even more importantly, understanding your own personality creates self-awareness. Knowing your own temperament will help you avoid lots of grief. We’ve all worked alongside people who are completely unaware of their flaws and overconfident about mediocrity. Or worse, they can’t see their own tremendous potential. That lack of self-awareness is dangerous in a leadership paradigm.
I’m a pastor’s kid and a pastor. I’ve spent my whole life observing preachers and pastors from all around the world. I love pastors and have been blessed with the opportunity to regularly interact with dynamic preachers. Over the years, I’ve observed fourteen distinct pastoral leadership styles that are a direct result of personality types and influences.
Most pastors and preachers are a mixture of several of these styles but predominated by one. Each of the styles listed below contains distinct giftings and shortcomings. I don’t think one style is any better than the other. What’s important, regardless of which leadership style a personality enables, is that the strengths are cultivated and the weaknesses are minimized.
My prayer is that this list will be helpful to pastors and maybe a few saints as well. Most problems between saints and pastors are nothing more than personality conflicts. Many saints misunderstand their pastor’s personality and find unnecessary offense and vice versa. I highly respect and honor every pastoral temperament and mean no disrespect by discussing them in this format. The Bible gives us snapshots of spiritual leaders from diverse backgrounds and emphasizes drastic differences between personalities. It’s still that way today.
So, let’s jump into the fourteen distinct pastoral personalities and their resulting leadership styles. Remember as you read, you or your pastor are likely a blend of more than one of these styles, but one will outshine the others.
The Theologian is a master of doctrinal dispositions and a student of Scriptural nuance. They are intensely smart. The Theologian is well versed in even the most obscure details of Scripture. Minutia matters in a big way to this kind of pastor. They’re likely to be a more introverted temperament with a strong sense of self-discipline. The Theologian’s quiet confidence and knowledge inspires and brings clarity to those around him.
Strengths: attention to detail, doctrinally sound, calming, focused, inspire spiritual confidence, produce well-rounded disciples, mentor other leaders, produce helpful resources, and hold the line against invading false doctrines. The Theologian is an irreplaceable and indispensable resource within the kingdom of God.
Weaknesses: The Theologian struggles with being heavy on information and light on application. They can be extremely introverted (check out this article for introverted leaders). At times, they borderline being extremely anti-social. The Theologian’s hyper sense of focus can easily be mistaken for unfriendliness. The Theologian’s natural tendency when teaching and preaching is to remain bland and detached; making an otherwise powerful presentation, low impact.
The Teacher is much like The Theologian minus the extensive doctrinal savvy. That’s not to say they don’t have strong doctrinal grounding, they do. The Teacher fills an important and tragically underemphasized role as outlined in Ephesians 4:11-13. Although their ministry may seem less dynamic on the surface, nothing could be further from the truth. The teacher grounds what other more extroverted ministries leave unfinished. In many cases, The Teacher is introverted but not always.
Strengths: mentally disciplined, consistent, highly organized, carefully structured, well-rounded, dependable, typically compassionate, produces helpful resources, inspires confidence, exposes and corrects false doctrine, strengthens other ministers, and produces other ministries. The Teacher is extraordinarily dependable, trustworthy, and unflinchingly honest.
Weaknesses: usually lacks creativity, resists healthy changes and struggles to engage people emotionally. The Teacher finds it difficult to be concise and naturally overloads people with more information than they can retain in one sitting. The Teacher’s high level of intelligence can unintentionally seem arrogant and condescending.
The Authoritarian has an enormously outgoing and strong personality. This leadership style is usually coupled closely with one of the other personalities on this list. The Authoritarian has a top-down mindset. Authoritarians are confident, self-assured, and strong willed (making them exceptionally gifted and effective preachers). They make an impression everywhere they go and are easily spotted in any setting. Authoritarians have a keen sense of right and wrong, loyalty and disloyalty, honor and dishonor, and law and order. They command respect and inspire others to do great things. Many of the great leaders in the Bible were authoritarians.
Strengths: brave, concise, competent, efficient, inspirational, self-disciplined, and confident. The Authoritarian inspires the kind of loyalty that generals have when leading troops into battle. They are fearless, focused, accomplished, disciplined, and courageous. They never do what the crowd is doing just because the crowd is doing it. They make fierce friends and worthy adversaries. They are a true leader in every sense of the word.
Weaknesses: ego, pride, unwillingness to change course when needed, tone deaf, unkind, quick-tempered, and reckless. The Authoritarian struggles to accept wise counsel and respect the reasoned opinions of others. Because authoritarians are so often right, they don’t handle being wrong very well. Strong people are attracted to an authoritarian’s leadership. However, more sensitive people are easily wounded by The Authoritarians aggressive personality. Without meaning to, authoritarians occasionally harm gentler personalities without even knowing it. The Authoritarian naturally lacks compassion for weaker vessels. Because loyalty is so important to The Authoritarian; disloyalty (whether real or perceived) is met with overly punitive measures. Their mission mindedness makes them extremely effective in completing tasks but generally, makes them lose sight of the feelings and emotions of the people around them.
The People Person is an interesting blend of introvert and extrovert. In the right setting they are incredibly outgoing, but in other settings they become unusually quiet. The People Person likes people, likes to be liked by other people, and likes people to like other people. They are talkative, emotional, engaging, charming, fun, humorous, witty, and networked. They thrive in a crowded room. They thrive off the energy of large groups. They dislike being alone. Their effervescent personality makes them terrific communicators. Their preaching and teaching is often full of humor and down-to-earth relatability.
Strengths: passionate, compassionate, likable personality, great communication skills, super relatable, community builders, bring other personalities together (networking), very creative, open to ideas and opinions, make people feel loved, and big hearted. The People Person operates on bursts of creative and emotional energy that is compelling and contagious. They always have big plans that usually includes bringing people together in one way or another. They are inclusive and exude self-confidence even when they don’t feel confident.
Weaknesses: quickly discouraged, easily offended, insecure, prone to bouts of melancholia, sometimes quick-tempered, disorganized, lack follow through, forgetful, appear shallow, and enigmatic. The People Person has lots of big ideas but doesn’t implement them well because they constantly overlook “pesky” details. In worst case scenarios, that same inattention to detail causes them to be doctrinally imbalanced. Because they love people deeply they are also hurt deeply by people. The People Person seems confident but often wrestles with profound insecurities. Their desire to be liked can be detrimental when making difficult decisions. They handle rejection poorly. The People Person’s desire to be center stage may cause them to feel jealousy when others are in the spotlight. They privately battle depression but most folks would never know it.
The Orator is not a standalone personality trait although it does become a defining characteristic for many pastors. Not all dynamic orators are great leaders and not all great leaders are dynamic orators. However, when the two are combined it becomes incredibly potent. Biblically speaking, I think the apostle Paul was an example of a powerful orator (Acts 17:22-31). The Orator is demarcated as being an incredibly moving preacher and communicator. Regardless of their other traits, they have the uncommon innate ability and God-given anointing to move crowds via preaching. Their preaching calls people to repentance, builds faith, motivates change, encourages, convicts, and shapes entire generations. The Orator is not typecast into one personality or leadership style. Their gift crosses lines and spectrums. Some are extremely inward while others are highly outgoing. Some pour themselves out while preaching and finish empty and spent, while others are fueled up by preaching and finish with a frenzy of energy. Regardless, their gift is usually in high demand.
Strengths: highly skilled communicators, heavily anointed, insightful, introspective, unique, inspirational, thought provoking, culture shaping, smart, mentally organized, prepared, persuasive, influential, compelling, convincing, adept, well-read, forward thinking, sensitive to the Spirit, and they exude confidence. The Orator often plays a key role in influencing movements and instigating revival on a large scale even without official positions or titles.
Weaknesses: pride and ego are dangers that every single spiritual leader must navigate, but this is especially true for The Orator. Because they are so gifted and well-liked their egos can swell easily. The Orator needs the anointing just like every other preacher, but they typically have natural abilities that could just as easily make them great politicians, salesman, motivational speakers, or actors. This means, if they aren’t careful they will rely on their own ability rather than the Lord. Also, because powerful orators are in such demand they may not always have time to develop other leadership skills before they are launched into public ministry. As the old saying goes, “not all great preachers make great pastors, and not all great pastors are great preachers.” Because orators love preaching and communicating so much, it’s often difficult for them to invest their time into developing other important attributes. However, when they do, they are amazingly impactful within the kingdom of God.
The Nice Guy is just that, a nice guy. This person genuinely cares and has a sincerity that cannot be denied. They lead from a solid core of kindness. Their personality is gentle and calming. Everyone they meet feels loved. Everything they do flows from love. They can be introverted or extroverted but meekness (not weakness) is their dominate trait. This kind of leader’s personality is usually coupled with a complimentary style; typically, The Theologian, The Teacher, The Orator, The People Person, The Poet Performer, The Organizer, The Motivator, The Weeping Prophet, or The Dreamer. They reap a loyal following because of their sincere and warm demeanor. I imagine John the Beloved (John 19:26-27) as a biblical example of the Nice Guy.
Strengths: kindness, compassion, empathy, loyalty, sincerity, warmth, and relatability. Notwithstanding other flaws, much is forgivable with The Nice Guy because they are so likable. People are drawn to them like a magnet. Their love for others flows from their love for the Lord.
Weaknesses: on the surface, you wouldn’t think The Nice Guy could have weaknesses, but they do. They dislike confrontation more than the average leader, making them anemic in crisis situations where confrontation is needed. They are often too slow to rebuke and correct, which causes problems to escalate that could have been alleviated. They are susceptible to being victimized by manipulators and blindsided by pretenders. The Nice Guy may shy away from necessary doctrines that might offend the hearers. In other words, sometimes they forget that love must often be tough.
The Poet Performer is artistic, talented, and entertaining. David comes to mind as a biblical example of The Poet Performer (1 Samuel 16:16). The Poet Performer doesn’t necessarily have to be musical, but they are always creative, imaginative, and gifted in some artistic way (oftentimes they are multi-talented). They are cerebral. Like David they can also be a warrior, but they are predisposed to spiritual things. Praise and worship comes as naturally as breathing to The Poet Performer. They are anointed in almost everything they do. They are emotional, sincere, and sensitive.
Strengths: aside from their talent, The Poet Performer is smart, intensely spiritual, focused, and passionate. Their worship compels others to worship. Their creativity helps others to experience God in dynamic and dramatic ways. They breathe life, energy, and passion into the Church. When The Poet Performer preaches it is with cadence and rhythm, almost like a spoken song.
Weaknesses: much like The Orator, The Poet Performer is prone to egotism and pride. They have so much intrinsic talent that even if they stop depending on the Spirit, they can still manipulate a crowd’s emotions. They receive a lot of adulation (deservedly), which if not received correctly produces narcissism. The Poet Performer’s emotions fluctuate wildly (just read the Psalms); hysterically happy one minute and manically melancholy the next. Selfishness is another personal battle that many Poet Performers must fight.
Caveats: again, I feel compelled to mention that most ministers are not a perfect match to any one of the above traits. The strengths and weaknesses are generalities, not absolutes. Also, commenting on weaknesses is not intended to be disrespectful or to help generate criticism. Rather, the intent behind this writing is to help us address issues with clarity and resolution. If you take the time to peruse the related articles below you will find that I support apostolic ministry and believe that pastors should be vigorously supported. Saints, I believe you should give your pastor the benefit of the doubt and lift his arms when and where he is weak. Celebrate his strengths and honor his faithful service at every opportunity.